Does anyone out there actually think today is the end of the world? I do not. But let’s say it is, just for a minute.

I woke up with a really bad attitude. No particular reason, but even just looking through my Facebook feed, I scoffed at lots of thing people had written. More than usual. I am just feeling very copmlainy, and that is sooo not how I want my last day on earth spent. But seriously, for all we know, Jesus could come anytime, any day!

I guess I just feel the need to write it out so I remember it. Live each day like its your last. I’m not very good at that concept.

In spring, some friends of mine lost their baby when they were full term. While I cannot imagine what it felt like to be them, the news completely rocked me. I was crushed for my friends, and newly terrified for myself. I couldn’t imagine losing Dekker! How would I go on living? I was reminded that we never know when our last day will be, and should live accordingly.

Aaaaand I did it wrong. Dekker would sit and play, and I would sit beside him and bawl my eyes out. I was just imaging losing him, which is sooooo not what was supposed to happen! I did that for a few days, and then changed my tune. I was certainly not enjoying  the time I was spending with him, and I doubt he was either. Instead I decided to just have more gusto, and really get in there with him! I wanted to be able to know that if suddenly he was gone, I had done an awesome job of loving him when I had the chance. A little gruesome, I know, but it was something I needed to understand.

So again, I don’t believe today is the end of the world because the Mayan calendar ends. Whatever. Mayans or not, Jesus could come! I think it is important to be good stewards of what we are given. That includes our attitudes! We need to enjoy our time here as best as we can, and treat every situation the best possible way. If today is the end, I want to live it right. As a Christian first, then as a wife, then a mother, and everything else after that. C’mon! Don’t we all want to be the best we can be?!

I feel a little lighter already. Time to seize the day I suppose! May need some coffee to kick start things this morning, but as I hear Dekker jumping in his crib, its nice to know he’s amped and ready to play! Can always count on him for that!

I didn’t accomplish nearly enough today to be feeling this tired.

Dekker and I spent the day in the city with my mom. I had an appointment around noon and then we went out for lunch. I can’t remember the last time I was at Red Lobster but my goodness, it was amazing. Clam chowder, caesar salad with shrimp, and those heavenly biscuits. We ordered Deks a kids mac and cheese with strawberries on the side. Hey! That was supposed to come with milk! Just realized that… Anyway, it was really yummy. We headed to Superstore from there and did our shops. I only had about seven or eight things on my list and couldn’t find three of them. I hate that. I always feel a little frustrated when I can’t finish my list. But it wasn’t a huge deal at all. At one point, we were walking around the the diary aisle and Dekker started making quite a bit of noise. Some screeches. Not my favorite. I told him he was being too loud and could he be quieter. Another screech, clearly an “I’m tired, mom!” screech. I said back “I’m tired too, but I don’t get to cry.” Seems logical right? I got a good laugh from a few nearby ladies, along with comments like “That’s a new one!” and “Speaking for all mothers.” I was kind of embarrassed, but laughed at myself and the situation. I guess I need to readjust my indoor voice.

From Superstore, we headed to a nearby mall that had a Safeway attached. I found one of the things I couldn’t find, and gave up on another. The last thing, I can’t find and really really want to! Pre-made gingerbread dough!! I read that Pillsbury made it, and I figured it would be all over, being that its Christmas. But no! And not even empty areas where it had been bought out. I can’t find the stuff anywhere, and I was really looking forward to a really easy cheat cookie.

Literally, my day stopped there. I drove home, put Deks down to finish his nap up that he had started in the car, and now I’m in bed. My feet are throbbing for some reason, and my eyes are droopy. I didn’t even do anything!!! But I’ll take it. I’m actually hoping my fatigue lasts later into the evening so I can sleep at a good time.

However, Brady and I did mad libs last night before bed, which was sooo fun! I’d like to stay awake for that again.

I struggle pretty hard with Brady’s schedule sometimes. He is a morning person, which is perfect! He chooses to get up at stupid o’clock in the mornings so he can be home at a good time and hang out with Dekker and I. It is weeks like this that make me a little crazy. He has a pretty huge workload and is doing everything he can to make it so he has next week off to be with family all Christmas. This involves him getting up at balls am and working late. Late as in 7pm, and then driving home, getting home at 8 and seeing Dekker for maybe a half hour. I don’t think he likes the schedule any more than I do, but to have a week off together would be sooo wonderful if we can get there! Thank you for all you do, my love.

I often let these types of situations put me in a very low place, feeling sorry for myself. Why?! He’s the one putting in 12 hour days! I realize this about myself, but often my selfish, anxious side beats out my logic and love.

This week, I’ve made it my goal to do better. I dished and cleaned on Monday, and got my house in order. I wrapped almost everything, minus the gifts that Brady  bought for people, and of course I came up with  few more to buy, so those are obviously not wrapped yet. I even had a dinner plan for when Brady got home. I know people may think these are small things, and every wife should do them. But I am far from perfect, and am now celebrating my accomplishments, however small they are.

Yesterday felt awesome. Its post was a little cranky, as I typed it very early after  poor sleep. I decided that, instead of pouting and trying to doze for hours, I would get up and run my day as usual, and hopefully have a good sleep the next night. So I did! I got up and did dishes. I’m really bad with keeping up with dishes, but I did it anyway. It felt nice to look around and see my house still in order. I have decided this week that I will get Dekker up as soon as I hear him start talking, since he has that crazy diaper rash that he is just not going to shake if he keeps sleeping so long. Well yesterday, I heard a cough at about 11:40am. I rushed in and, of course, he had pooped. I brought him to his change table and before I had even laid him down he was screaming and panicking. I don’t think we realize how painful diaper rash really is. I guess I should speak for myself. I don’t realize. So we had a big, messy, stepping in poop, kind of diaper change. I am ashamed to admit that those changes are the times when I lose my cool. Yelling “Stop it!” at my panicking baby is not going to relax him and make him feel safe. When he went down for his first nap, I felt exhausted and dumb. From there, I decided to change my tune. When he woke, I went right in and again, his room stunk. I played with him and sang to him, and we had a tear-free diaper change! Yes, his bum was covered in yeast, probably worse than I’ve ever seen it, but we sang and drummed and tickled and took our time. Fifteen minutes later, he was fine! He had a good yummy meal that I had ready for him in advance (booyah!) and then I got cocky. Dekker is pretty chill, but if you want to see him freak out, just run a tub. He hates the bath. As in screaming bloody murder kind of hatred. I figured I should try though, since I can’t remember the last occasion that we bathed him. He crawled into the bathroom and stood by the tub watching the bubbles. Yes, a bubble bath. I figured at least he’d get some soap on his body if he wouldn’t let me wash him. I climbed into the tub and brought him with me. He was very nervous and didn’t even want his feet in the water. So he stood on my legs and I just scooped water onto him with my hands. Every once in a while I’d get him to stand back on the floor of the tub, and he’d climb back onto my lap. Until he stopped! He stood in the bath, but still held on very tightly. So we sang and talked and I just used my hands to scoop water on his legs, back, and finally his hair. the little drops on his face didn’t seem to bother him too much this time, so we kept going. And then he sat down on my lap! All such small things to everyone reading this, but HUGE strides in our house. Bathing Dekker has started to feel like I’m abusing him 🙁 I am not, obviously, but he just HATES it. But he sat with me in the tub and chewed a closed bottle of shampoo while I bathed him. A tear free bath!!!!! I wrapped him in a big towel and carried him to his room, where he lay on the change table so his little bum could dry out on its own. Thank you for not peeing all over yourself, son! He got some new jammies on without a fight as well. Deks is going through a new stage where he is just very quick to cry. He’s pretty sensitive right now, so something like laying him down to put on jammies will make his cry. However, he’s started lifting up his legs to help us dress him! Its pretty adorable when he lift up the one foot, I get it into his sleeper, and it just keeps going higher and higher, instead of him lifting the other 🙂 We haven’t worked out all the kinks yet I guess. Buts its hilarious.

Anyway, that was a super long story! I felt very productive yesterday, but not in a way that I got a whole heap done. Just in the way that I did well in the few tasks that I completed. I felt like a better mom than I have in a while.

Dekker woke up last night for the first time in FOREVER! But I jumped at it, as a chance to change his diaper, so he could have a break from sitting in all his yuckies for so long. He woke up this morning shortly after 11am, and I ran in there before he could fall back to sleep. I changed his diaper (tear-free!!!) and fed him breakfast while, again, doing yesterdays dishes.

I’m really enjoying this feeling. I made the decision to accomplish more, so Brady doesn’t have to work all day and then come home and work more. I mean, he still does, because he has a family and a life and a house, but I can do a lot more than I do. So I’m trying to do it, and it feels good.

Dekker naps. Now what to do…

I went to bed just after midnight, woke up around 4am, and that was it. Not ideal. I lay in bed, completely tired, with my eyes closed, hoping for more sleep, but it wouldn’t come. However, I was resting so I figured it was better than nothing. At least I was comfy. I “enjoyed” that for about a half hour before I got fed up and opted to play games on my phone.

Brady woke up for work around 5:30am and brought me coffee before he headed out the door. I will likely need it to get through today! Poor sunshine boy has a very persistent diaper rash 🙁 He sleeps so much and sits in those diapers for just too long. I think I’ll spend a large chunk of today changing diapers and getting Dekker up from his bed as soon as he starts talking to avoid him being wet or dirty longer than necessary. Good thing we picked up more zinc cream the other day. Got a heck of a deal, didn’t we?

While I am feeling more organized than I thought I would be at this time of year, there is still lots to do. I have a few recipes I’d like to pull out and try, my floors desperately need a wash, gifts need to be wrapped (better than this one!!,)

and laundry from a couple days ago still needs to be put away. There is a lot more, I promise, I just can’t put it all together in my head this early. How you mothers with early risers survive, I’ll never know. Hopefully not, anyway. Please Lord, let all my children sleep like Deks Deks!

It is still before 7am, and I have been awake for almost 3 hours already. I think I’ll go find some bloopers or fails on youtube and zone for a bit. Even if I get Dekker earlier than usual, I likely still won’t see him for another 3 hours.

In the recent past, we’ve entertained more people in our home than usual. In the last four days, we’ve had people over three times. This may not be much to some people, but it is way above our average. And I have WHOLE HEARTEDLY ENJOYED it each and every time.

Our guests just left. Four of our friends spent the evening with us, chatting, drinking coffee, and eating brownies. They are friends that we had never had over before, and while I love them all and feel comfortable in their presence, I was definitely tidying at warp speed until the moment they pulled into our driveway.

But they were the perfect people to have over on a random evening when nothing was planned. We ended up in our comfy basement, curled up on couches and chairs, conversing without any awkward pauses or weirdness. Time flew, and they left a couple of hours later.

I feel very blessed by them. Two of our friends who came over tonight are riding something of a roller coaster in their lives, and I am honored that they took time to just come socialize with us. Our other two friends paid for a sitter to comes watch their kids just so they could come for coffee. Everyone commuted about a half hour to get to us. I find it hard to comprehend sometimes, that people would happily come to our often messy and disorganized home, just to be with us. Not ulterior motives. I didn’t even feed them a meal! Yet they came. I love them.

I had such a nice evening. Hopefully the night can be just as good! I’m pumped full of sugar (brownies were a bad choice) and Brady is exhausted and will be working probably his craziest week yet.

Feeling the love. And the adrenaline.

Most people who know my family know we regularly attend church on Sunday mornings. However, today was a different day for me. I agreed to play piano for the Sunday School Christmas program, which was this evening. I went to help with the practice this morning during Sunday School, before the service. However, things just got busy as usual and time got away on us. We had never ran through the entire production with the music, so I realized I had never actually played through the music! Not this year yet, anyway.

So I skipped the service and spent that time at my parents, practicing the music. When the service was over, I went back to the church for another practice with the kids. This time, we went the whole time through, and I actually felt relatively prepared. After that practice, I ran to Saskatoon to get my new phone. My iPhone turned out to be a lemon, so I got my replacement today. I headed straight back to Dalmeny from there, we had supper, and went to the evening service a little early so I could play a prelude.

The program went well, but I felt quite spent at the end of it. We gathered our stuff up from spending the day at my parents’, and headed home. Now Dekker is in bed, and our bubble bath is running. How I missed our bubble baths!!! I’m looking forward to resting my body. I know it sounds silly, because I didn’t really do much today, but my nerves are always a little bit higher when I’m playing for something like this. Now, it is behind me, and it went really smoothly! I can say I am very happy with how today played out.

Tomorrow, we are having a few friends over for coffee and dessert in the evening. I need to pick up a parcel downtown tomorrow, and I also got zero crocheting done today, so I need to get on that as well. Sounds perfect to me 🙂 I have never enjoyed doing my dishes as much as I do these days! Such a relief to have a tidy kitchen to bake in and entertain around. Christmas is coming!

I posted yesterday about my productive Thursday and how Friday promised to be the same way. I can honestly say, I solidly enjoyed being productive yesterday 🙂

I fed Dekker his breakfast in the kitchen instead of the dining room, and in between bites and during finger foods, I started on the massive task of dishes. I put it one huge load of dishes and then handwashed just a few things that are awkward to wash in the machine, just enough to have some hot soapy water to wipe everything up. Even though less than half of the dishes were done, it was a HUGE improvement! I tidied up the bathroom a little (since Dekker goes in there and just plays with his bath toys all over the floor sometimes) and then took Dekker downstairs for some playtime. I finished crocheting a gift in the meantime. When he went down for a nap, I whipped together my famous honey chicken. I love how little time it takes 🙂 When that was done, I went downstairs to watch some Dr. Phil. I still wanted to be productive, but not bad enough to wash all the rest of the dishes by hand. So I wrapped presents. Not all of them by any means, but a few for friends, and my gifts for Brady. I LOVE wrapping gifts! We got some really nice new wrapping paper and it has a light graph pattern on the underside which makes cutting it straight so much easier! I wrapped until I heard the dishwasher quit. While I was unloading it, I got a Facebook message from our friend who was coming for supper. He admitted to being super bored at home and asked if he could come early. Of course!! I haven’t seen him in a few years and was really excited! However, I landed in a bit of a panic when I looked around my house in its current state. I cleaned off the dining room table and had just about finished loading the dishwasher for the second time around by the time he came. He fit in so comfortably in our home. No judging on the general mess of toys all over the floor, or unfinished dishes. Nice guy.

When Brady got home from work, we got Dekker up and sat down for supper. Honey chicken and salad. Pretty basic, but yummy in my opinion. Our guest even brought wine for dinner! I had a serious laugh when he gave it to us! It was called “Cat’s Pee on a Gooseberry Bush” and it was completely delicious! Pretty much hilarious 🙂

After dinner, we grabbed dessert and coffee and chatted in the living room into the night. After what felt like an hour, maybe two, we checked the time. 3am?!?! I could not believe it! It felt like…maybe 10pm? 11pm?! So crazy! Just confirmed that yes, it had been way too long!

I slept like a log. I don’t remember the last time I stayed up good and solidly late, unless I was having a sleepless night. Makes me feel old to think about it, haha! But I sooo enjoyed it!

Missed you, friend.

Yesterday I had planned a full afternoon of shopping with Dekker. However, the kid slept until about 1:15pm. If I really needed to, of course I could have woken him, but we were fine. Plus Brady would be off work around 3pm and would be able to meet us and help with the big stuff like the grocery shop. We got to the city around 2:30.

Before we met Brady, I revisited my old job and dropped some things off. It was nice to see my boss and show off Deks a bit, since he is just so charming 🙂 From there, I went to the nearest Telus location to talk about my phone. I got an iPhone about three weeks ago and it has been temperamental and cranky since I got it. The menu button sometimes turns the screen off, it’ll boot me out of facebook, it won’t find our wifi signal on its own, it’ll vibrate for no reason, etc. All things I could live with if I’d had the phone for 2+ years. But I bought the insurance for a reason! So I’m thinking I need to swap it out. Turns out I needed to have brought in the box and chords, and I didn’t. I forgot! So they ordered me a phone and I’ll just go pick it up in a couple of days. But while I was there, I saw their new promo plan for Christmas. ANYONE WHO USES TELUS NEEDS TO GO CHANGE THEIR PLAN NOW! We were paying $55 for 1GB of data, unlimited texting, unlimited everything to 10 numbers, and then all the normals, like voice mail, called ID, etc. NOW we have all the same stuff for the same price, except instead of 10 numbers, we have UNLIMITED nationwide calling! So NOOO more long distance charges for me, living so far from everything! The local minutes never did me any good and now that doesn’t matter! I’m so pumped 🙂

From there, I went to Bootlegger and bought a cute dress for Christmas. Brady showed up around that point and we headed out to Walmart, where I bought Brady’s last Christmas gift, a dust buster, and some yarn for some upcoming orders. To Karla and Anthony, I cannot find charcoal ANYWHERE!!! But I’m working on it, I swear! Its not out of my mind, it just may not happen right away. Sorry! After Walmart I went to get my legs waxed, and Brady entertained Deks and filled him with crackers while they waited. Then to Superstore, where we got EVERYTHING including Dekker’s last Christmas gift. And then Costco, and then home. (Good thing we bought that huge box of frozen chicken. It’ll keep our other unopened huge box of frozen chicken company. Sigh.)

It was actually a pretty busy day, and poor baby didn’t get any naps. But he was such a trooper! When we got home, he ate a huge meal, drank some milk, and was down for the night. Its now after 10am and I have only heard him talk a little bit when Community Living called before 9am and woke us both up. But that’s another story.

Once Dekker was asleep, Brady and I finally ran a bubble bath, poured ourselves our first eggnog of the season, and rested. It felt amazing, and my toes were pruney in just a couple of minutes. Clearly they missed the tub too.

Now onto cleaning up a weeks worth of unrinsed, unsoaked, filthy dishes before company comes! Looking forward to catching up with a high school friend 🙂

Well, if I had to say what day it was in the count of days without water, it is probably kind of maybe day 4.5?? I’ll explain in a minute.

I blogged yesterday about taking a day off of crochet orders and spending the day relaxing with my kid…

Yes, you Sweetie!… and not accomplishing anything. I think some of that came from the inability to do anything! I can do things, I know, but my kitchen is what is eating me alive, and it is way too far gone to just boil up some water we hauled in to wash a few measly dishes. Being upstairs just irked me. However, a friend and her son dropped by and didn’t say one judging thing, so the boys played while she and I talked and I relaxed.

Dekker didn’t last long before he was ticked and ready for bed. So when I put him down for a nap, I went downstairs to stretch out in front of some Dr. Phil and crochet. Of course, I worked on projects. How do you not when they’re looming? Plus I’ve been dragging my feet on a few, so they’re officially completed and going out in the mail today! On that quick note, some sweet buttons hey? For the person who didn’t want vintage 🙂 

Dekker slept all afternoon. I crocheted like mad and planned my day in the city that will happen today, once Deks wakes up and I decide that the water is safe to shower in. Yes, we have water, but I’m not there in the story yet!

When Brady got home, everything went according to plan. Unfortunately I didn’t take a picture of supper but it just hit the spot and was amazing! Perogies and wings. Exactly what I’ve been hungry for. After that, we pulled out the decorations and began dressing the tree. Voila!

There are not a lot of colors on our tree at this point. White lights, lots of disco balls, and other sparkly silvery things. We figure eventually our kids will fill it with random crafts they make in Sunday school and that can be our color 🙂 Looking forward to it! We also put up our nativity set, which I like even more than usual this year!

Everything turned out really nicely and comfortably. When it was all ready to go, we ran around and ran all our taps to get the yucky water through so we could officially have clean water. When everything had its good few minutes to run, we ran a tub and got some snacks. I’m sure you can understand how much I’ve missed my bubble baths!!! And then…

Sigh. Yup, we didn’t see it in time and ran an entire bath of brown water. We drained the thing and let the water keep running and running, never having it get clean. We ran our hot water until it was cold, with no results. So I’m left with brown water and probably a huge water bill. I’ll check on everything again sometime soon, but it was sooo discouraging last night.

However, looking over my day in photos, it really was a good one. I even got another order! Life is good.

God is good.

Not even kidding. Four days without running water. But its just my street, so whats the hurry to fix it up, right?

Yesterday really knocked the wind out of me, for some reason. I feel like I’ve lost hope in a few things and I don’t like myself right now. I’m colder, and more closed off than I’ve been. If I get disappointed about something, I either just shut it out and pretend like nothing happened, or I let it eat at me until I explode at someone I love. I am in an ugly pattern.

I’m going to spend this afternoon playing with Dekker, and crocheting. But not orders today. Just stuff for fun. And when Brady gets home, we will have perogies and wings, and decorate the Christmas tree that has been standing in our living room for almost two weeks. It is nice to have something to look forward to.

Anyone remember what Deks looked like last Christmas season? Anyone remember those cheeks?

I love this boy.