A weird day to be alone

Not alone, technically. Dekker and I spent the day at home, while Brady was at work. He finally has a full week of work. While the slump he’s been having with his work is really not ideal, it has been perfectly timed with my first trimester illness. The few days he’s worked in the last month or so have all been days that I’ve felt surprisingly healthy! So I had high hopes for today.

However, I woke up with that yucky light-headedness that I’ve been having recently where I just can’t stand for long periods of time. I had a cycle going for a while where I’d feed Dekker breakfast in the kitchen and do the dishes while he ate, in an attempt to keep one part of my house in order. That feel by the wayside while I’ve been sick, and dishes are practically stacked to the ceiling. So this morning I figured I’d stay in bed as long as Dekker let me, and then I’d put through a load of dishes while he ate. The goal wasn’t to finish everything, just one load. And I couldn’t stand long enough to even dig out all the cutlery from between dishes. So instead I just sat and had breakfast with Dekker, which is always pleasant as well.

This morning, however, I read something on my towns Facebook page. A man had posted about noticing footprints around his vehicles this morning. He actually tracked the prints around town, up and down every single street into every driveway. Clearly someone was looking to break into vehicles. People started commenting that they too had noticed prints around their cars. One person even said she had footprints up to both her doorways. Of all days for me to be home husband-less. My imagination gets the better of me quite often, and I spent the day on pins and needles because, sure enough, we had prints all around our vehicles as well. Everything was locked and looks fine from what we could see. And there are no prints leading up to our entrances that aren’t ours. I’m sure everything is fine, but it was just at edgy day of wondering and sort of tapping my foot, waiting for Brady to return home.

When he did, he came armed with slurpees and subs. Date night! Our at-home date night is always on Mondays, where we eat Subway and watch The Bachelor or The Biggest Loser. I know, it sounds lame to lots of you, and yes my husband is very tolerant and loving. But whether you guys think its a nice date activity or not, its a constant in our life, where we make time to spend together while Dekker is napping. We love it. Plus I was staaarving today so it tasted extra delicious.

Doors locked and baths running.

Sunday: 12 weeks

I was technically 12 weeks along yesterday, but today was a new day for my belly.

I have developed some pretty sweet ab muscles from toting my son around, so my stomach has remained pretty much the same in this first chunk. So many women start to get this beautiful but kind of funny little pointy bump below their belly button, which is the uterus expanding and the process really starting to show. With Dekker, I just picked up a bloat that never left and eventually turned into a bump. I thought that going into the process with better stomach muscles, maybe my belly would grow differently. Turns out I was completely wrong and again, I’m just super bloated. I have always sucked my stomach in without really thinking about it, but today it was sooo much harder! While I love having a baby bump, I am in that phase where I just look like I’m overeating and people who don’t already know I’m pregnant probably think I’m just letting myself go. I’m not. Theres a baby in there. And today, the bloat was just too much and I finally just let it be out. It felt really nice. Plus, those around me knew that we are pregnant so I didn’t have to feel like I looked chubby or anything. I just looked pregnant 🙂 And I liked it.

Apparently this week my baby is about the size of a peach! After sifting through a few different apps on my phone, I found one that offers countdowns, fruit comparison, daily tips and info, and weekly updates on whats developing with the baby and what my body is going to be about it. I love being able to follow things and have information at my fingertips. I’m feeling so much more peaceful in this pregnancy than I was last Sunday, and I think I have my church family to thank. I stood up and asked for prayer, and I really think we were prayed for! While I still have cramps here and there, I am less afraid that they are the baby being lost, or that I’m going to start bleeding, or things like that. God is so good!

My bath is running and I think I’m going to slice up a few kiwis before its time to get in. YUM!

BEST day ever! Literally.

I actually accomplished things today, and Brady and I even took pictures of the process so I could blog about it. Rarely do I have a good blog idea until the end of the day, hence the evenings posts. However, once that was all over, I was blessed with a surprise in the early evening that could easily be another post. But I’m happy about both, so today just might be a long post. Objections? No? Good? Done.

Our church had an event tonight that Brady and I couldn’t make it to. We heard about it too late and just didn’t have time to organize things and find a sitter. However, I agreed to make a dessert for their dessert buffet. I received a request for these cheesecake-filled strawberries I make sometimes, so I spent the afternoon slowly making them. They were so pretty by the end! Hopefully its not too boring and obvious, but here’s how I did them:

I washed and dried the berries. Yes, DRY them! If not, you'll get water in your chocolate and that ruins it completely.
I washed and dried the berries. Yes, DRY them! If not, you’ll get water in your chocolate and that ruins it completely.
Cut out the green and some of the inside. I think you can actually buy a huller but I don't have one and this works just fine.
Cut out the green and some of the inside. I think you can actually buy a huller but I don’t have one and this works just fine.
I dipped them in melted chocolate chips. I'm sure Chipits or milk chocolate or candy melts would maybe be better, but I've just made them with basic semi-sweet chips from the bulk bin every time and have never had a complaint. Put them in the fridge for a good while after this, or if you have less time, the freezer would be fine. You just don't want squidgy chocolate for the next part.
I dipped them in melted chocolate chips. I’m sure Chipits or milk chocolate or candy melts would maybe be better, but I’ve just made them with basic semi-sweet chips from the bulk bin every time and have never had a complaint. Put them in the fridge for a good while after this, or if you have less time, the freezer would be fine. You just don’t want squidgy chocolate for the next part.
Cheesecake!!! Ok, its not real cheesecake fill. Every recipe I've seen for how to do this fill is very similar. One 8 oz brick of cream cheese, about 1/4 cup of icing sugar (tho some say up to 2.5 cups!), and a tsp of vanilla. However, when I make it that way, its too thick to actually pipe into the berries, so I buy whipping cream in a carton and mix it in so it gets nice and fluffy but still cheesecakey. And then I just use a ziploc bag and cut the end off. Clearly, I am NOT fancy when it comes to fancy treats.
Cheesecake!!! Ok, its not real cheesecake fill. Every recipe I’ve seen for how to do this fill is very similar. One 8 oz brick of cream cheese, about 1/4 cup of icing sugar (tho some say up to 2.5 cups!), and a tsp of vanilla. However, when I make it that way, its too thick to actually pipe into the berries, so I buy whipping cream in a carton and mix it in so it gets nice and fluffy but still cheesecakey. And then I just use a ziploc bag and cut the end off. Clearly, I am NOT fancy when it comes to fancy treats.
Two 2lb clamshells of strawberries and I had JUST enough fill!
Two 2lb clamshells of strawberries and I had JUST enough fill!

They were gorgeous! I was really happy with the outcome, and I hope they went over well at church. Hopefully I’ll know tomorrow, since my parents attended.

Being that we were close to the city, we remembered that we missed putting toilet paper on our shopping list yesterday, so we headed in to Costco. Before we had even parked, Brady spotted my beautiful friend, Hailey. I added her on Facebook years ago, after searching my maiden name and finding her. I added her for kicks, and basically the novelty of having a friend with my exact name, and through the years we have grown SO close! I absolutely adore her! We are frightfully similar and agree on almost everything. She was a big support for me when we were trying to conceive the baby we are currently pregnant with, and I like to think I was there for her when she and her husband were in the same boat. However, all of that being said, we have actually met once, completely by accident, at a Walmart. This was our second meeting, and I completely chased her down in the parking lot, calling “Don’t run away from me!” I’m surprised she didn’t! I would have ran away from the crazy person chasing me down and hugging me! But when she figured it out, we had a great chat! All of us 🙂 The husbands chatted a bit, I finally got to meet their new baby, etc. It was amazing and sooo unexpected! After we were all adequately frozen, we parted ways, and Costco was closed, bahahaha! We just burst out laughing and hit Superstore instead. Not a huge deal at all. Best Costco trip EVER! Hailey and Nolan, we’re really looking forward to a dinner date next week 🙂

When we got home, Dekker played a little before he ate and went straight down to bed. For some reason, he likes to play in the bathroom, and hasn’t thrown anything in the toilet yet. Yet. Brady went to hang out with him in the bathroom, which was just too adorable.

IMG_0560My cute, green boys. I love them. We had such a nice day together.

Last little tidbit of the evening, I promise. As we were heading to take Dekker to bed, we saw this:

IMG_0561Dekker has this shape sorter he’s recently really trying to figure out. I know, its not one of those great Tupperware ones, but it works. I love his attempt here, but…

IMG_0562Sooooo close! But so, so backwards. I think its adorable. Great job, little dude! Definite A for effort!

Best day ever. I love today. Its only 9:20 and there is cheese pizza waiting for me.

Success in the City

We made it to the city today and had a surprisingly meltdown-free day!

We started off with a cookie visit with one of my second cousins and her daughter and puppy. Dekker was scared of the little dog at first but warmed up eventually and wandered around a bit on his own, which he doesn’t tend to do in new places.

We hit Value Village after that. I know, I sound like a VV addict with the amount I go. However, the one flaw in the system is their return policy. No returns or refunds, but you can do an exchange as long as its within the week. I bought something last week that didn’t work out so I went back and we swapped it out for a new work hoodie for Brady, some adorable flats for me, and a tank top that is belly-friendly. I get annoyed by maternity clothes here because theres so little selection around here. Plus, $40 for a tank top doesn’t sit well with me. So I’m finding all these cute tank tops and t shirts that are a looser style with a band at the bottom. Not a style I’ve ever worn but I figure it’ll work for having a belly and not wanting everyone to see its underside. Right? Anyway, at VV, the lady in front of us in line made a large purchase and got this card stamped a bunch of times. I guess she filled the card and that qualified her for 30% off her next purchase, and she turned around and gave it to us!!! I actually felt kind of bad that we had so little with us. If I would have known we’d have that card, I would have picked up those amazing Le Chateau heels I fell in love with but was responsible and left on the shelf. Sigh. Either way, after the swap, VV ended up paying us $1.04 and we left happy.

Superstore was just Superstore. Nothing too riveting. We got out of there paying less than $70 which is pretty huge. Costco was the big money today. Baby week!!! For anyone who doesn’t already know, Costco wipes and diapers are on huge sale right now! Wipes were $4.50 off and diapers were $8.00 off! Huge savings! We bought wipes for family and two big boxes of diapers for us. I love baby week at Costco. We also went at sample time and man, they were good today! Mini eggs, Garlic toast, teryaki sauce on sausage, popcorn, broccoli cheese soup, etc. I know, they don’t sound yummy together but they were all super delicious. One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping with Dekker is going through the line. I would never have thought that would be the case, but our little boy gets sooo much attention!!! They just fawned over him! Literally, once everything was rang through and we were walking away, I could still hear the ladies gushing. I love when other people love him.

We quickly grabbed something to eat before we left. Costco food is just way too good, all the time. So we ate a few pieces of pizza and then headed to leave. We stopped at those people who have to check your receipts, and our lady drew a little guy on the back of ours for Dekker. He loved it! Thank you, Costco people, for going the extra mile for him!

Dekker slept the entire drive home as we expected. He was a total champ, and even slept another 45 minutes after we got home. Then he ate and played all evening, totally gung-ho until a half hour after his bedtime! I know, I know, don’t keep a sick kid up late. But he’s actually woken up in the night the last couple of days, coughing and crying, so we are trying to tire him out a bit more I guess. Plus it was just refreshing to see him play and not be miserable. I also had a really great phone date with a friend this evening. Its amazing how some friends can just pick right back up after not being in contact for months. So blessed to have the friends I have <3

It was a totally good day. I’m completely exhausted somehow tho. So ready for a bath and snacks. Been craving grapes for days, but when I was squeezing them at Superstore (ya, I like really hard grapes, sue me) a woman came by and warmed me that they’re really sour right now. So, kiwis for a snack tonight. I’m on board.

Poor Sick Dekker

With all this time that Brady has had off work, I finally decided we should get out of the house and maybe pull a spontaneous road trip. We talked about it yesterday morning and decided it could be great! We would figure out where to go, leave and get there on Thursday, and drive home on Sunday. A nice long weekend away. However, Dekker woke up sooo sick! Coughing, snotty, raspy, and just so sad 🙁 He cries so much. Its awful. So road trip plans got canned.

Today we figured we should at least go to the city. We need to make a trip in before the end of the week, and this morning Dekker seemed so much more bright and with it. Yesterday we would have never made it to the city, but today seemed more hopeful. This time I screwed it up. When we got up to get Dekker and found that he seemed well rested and happy, I headed to the closet to get dressed. But I didn’t make it there. I got so lightheaded I went back to our bed and took a breather. Back to the closet, quickly back to bed. Finally, I saw on the floor and looked in my closet until I had picked out what I thought I might wear. I got up in enough time to grab fresh underwear before I had to go lay back in bed. Sooo dizzy! Not dizzy like the room was spinning, but I guess more just faint. So I was back in bed feeling like crap, when Dekker burst out crying. From nothing. Just feeling sick after all. Poor little boy. Some medicine seemed to clear him up for a while but not long enough to attempt a city trip. Not an ideal day for it at all. So we spent another day holed up in the house, all feeling a bit cruddy and pouty.

Everyone better feel on top of the world by tomorrow because we have to make it to the city! No questions asked! I can only be out of peanut butter for so long.

FOOD!

I was looking through my pictures on iPhoto the other day because I’m trying to figure out how to take photos already in an album and add them to a different album. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure it out (still can’t) but I saw a photo series forming and I thought I’d share it with you.

IMG_0016This is not a very pretty picture at all but its my chicken spaghetti before it got into the over to be baked. Sooo amazing! I am always sad when the leftovers are gone.

IMG_0318Spaghetti and meat sauce. My random beef craving in the midst of my nausea. Can’t figure that one out.

IMG_0329Tomato soup with ritz crackers. Don’t people often say to have soup or crackers when you feel sick? Just my odd take on it I guess.

IMG_0364Big salads with chicken, bacon bits, sunflower seeds, and my honey mustard. A staple in our house. I always feel good when I eat this salad because I feel like I can justify eating tons of it.

IMG_0408Dill pickle Doritos. Ok ok, I know chips aren’t healthy and all that, but I was sooo nauseous for a few weeks and my doctor instructed me to eat anything I was hungry for that I could keep down, without being too concerned if it was healthy or not. So please forgive me on a few of these that are still coming.

IMG_0409Blackberries in an attempt to eat something good for me, and Gatorade in an attempt to stop feeling so dizzy.

IMG_0414Here I am, trying to be smart and keep water near me at all times. Left a bottle in the car to “plan ahead.” Clearly I was planning several months in advance where this actually results in the water staying in its liquid form.

IMG_0434Cheetos. These were legitimately one of the only things I could eat over the course of a week. Sooo good! But now that I’m not sick anymore, I am NOT hungry for them at all!

IMG_0437*drool* Our anniversary dinner at Boston Pizza. Tropical Chicken pizza and garlic twisty bread with alfredo for dipping, and a strawberry milkshake. Everything in this picture still makes me hungry. I LOVE this food all the time, even in my first trimester.

IMG_0446I believe I’ve talked about these more than once already. Lemon filled Timbits. A. Mazing.

IMG_0458I actually have two pictures of slurpees so I’ll go with this one because its brighter. Anything in the slurpee family has hit the spot for me the last couple of months! Slurpees, ice cream, freezies, etc. Sooo delicious! I definitely grab a slurpee every time I’m in the city now. Its gonna be trouble with the Red Bull gets them in for the warmer seasons…

So maybe this wasn’t super exciting but I get a bit of a kick out of this post 🙂 It depicts a bunch of cravings and just things that I could stomach in the sketchy days of being pregnant with this baby. I only took a picture if it was something I was suuuper hungry for! However, somehow I missed a few things! Noodle bowls have been a huge hit recently! And grapes. I ate our green grapes so fast that there really wasn’t time to take a picture! Food is finally my friend again. I’m so blessed to be able to eat yummy things whenever I want.

Who Needs Air

I am loving the love. Thank you everyone for being so excited for my growing family. It is truly everything  I’ve ever wanted and could not feel more blessed!

I had an ultrasound this morning. After another kind of lame-o sleep, I got up and got Dekker and I ready in decent time. We weren’t rushed, we just took our time. I was dreading drinking that large amount of water they ask you to drink in preparation for an ultrasound. With my last scan, the water made me feel sooo sick! Seriously, I was still suffering from it the next day. But I remembered this morning that my last experience, I only had water in me. No food. So this morning, I drank my three water bottles with some crackers and cheese ball beside. Carrie, you make the best cheese ball ever!!! Seriously, you guys, cheese ball for breakfast. Anyway, with the help of a bit of food, the water drinking wasn’t unbearable! However, once it was drank, I was ready to go. I didn’t want to pace my house while my urge to pee got worse and worse. So we left early and drove just at speed limit all the way there.

* I want to insert a little disclaimer in here. I am a Christian, and I strive daily to live my life as a God-fearing person. I am not ashamed of this, and I hope a little Bible-thumping won’t scare too many off you off 😉

On my drive, I listened to a band called “The Classic Crime.” I was introduced to them by a friend several years ago who showed me that there is really incredible music out there that can truly honor God while sounding good. I’ve struggled with finding “good” Christian music for years, but this band is definitely worth a listen if you’re looking for the same thing I am. My favorite song has always been “Who Needs Air.” Listening to it this morning broke me down. A peace came over me as I picked over the words, hearing things like “Give up the air that you breathe, you don’t need anything” and “Life is more than what I have accomplished.” I can’t really put it into words very well, but the song talks about having God means you need nothing else. Our accomplishments are not our own. They are His! Maybe it won’t translate the way it did for me but I had this peace in my heart knowing that all my anxiety, while valid and justified, needed to be calmed. God is completely in control of my pregnancy! I don’t need to stress so much. I don’t need anything! He’s got it all laid out. Yikes, I’m not explaining this well at all, and I’ve been planning this post in my head all day. I tried, and it meant something to me. Definitely a song to check out.

I got to my appointment with time to spare and got in right on time. You could probably smell the anticipation on me. I have never seen a baby in me at this stage and I was more than ready. In no time at all, there it was.

IMG_0543This flawless little baby, jumping up and down inside of me. We saw feet and fingers. We saw the profile, head on, and from the back. We saw the heart beating perfectly, and even got a video. I cried. Why was I so afraid?!

I’m feeling so optimistic right now, on such a high from the day, but I’m emotionally shot as well. Done. Yet somehow, I feel that peace from the morning still. Without sounding super low and dark, even after all of this, if we lost our baby, it would be truly devastating and we would mourn our loss of life like any parent would.

But who am I to tell God I need another baby? I may desire one in the biggest way on the biggest scale, but I don’t need anything. I’m so thankful that these things aren’t in my hands or in my control.

I don’t need air.

Why I Love my Doctor

Sooo late!!! I should be sleeping, but we just got home from our small group meeting. No soak in the tub tonight 🙁

I wanted to tell you all about something I’m looking forward to, but I’ll go back a bit first if thats alright.

As I mentioned earlier, this pregnancy has been a much bigger challenge for me. The worst part has been the cramps. Some cramps are very common in early pregnancy with everything growing and stretching in there. But I have been experiencing pretty severe cramping for the last few weeks. I did have an ultrasound at 7 weeks 5 days that showed a beating heart, which would often alleviate a pregnant womans first trimester stress. Mine, however, kept mounting over the next couple of weeks as the cramps got worse and worse. I knew a doctor couldn’t tell me anything just by seeing me in a clinic but my anxiety was starting to take more control of me than I liked, so I finally bit the bullet and headed to a walk-in clinic on a Sunday, hoping for some comfort. The doctor asked if I had experienced any bleeding. I said no and his response was “Ok, if you bleed, its probably just a miscarriage.” Could a person be more insensitive?! I sincerely hope he isn’t a prenatal doctor.

I waited until our appointment last week and completely broke down in tears in front of my doctor. I was scared about all the cramping, and I wasn’t sleeping well, and even though I know the baby is growing and we’d seen a heartbeat, I was just so nervous and couldn’t shake it. She was sooo compassionate, and right away said she’d listen for a heartbeat that day, and if it was just too early to hear it on the doppler, that she would happily schedule me an “emergency ultrasound” just to help me curb my anxiety. She also said that a lack of sleep makes everything worse, more painful, and much scarier. So she asked me to take two Diclectin before bed. They’re usually used to curb naseau but they have a great drowsy side effect so they’re useful that way too.

Again, as I mentioned in yesterdays post, we got a solid heartbeat of 179 beats per minute. My doctor still said that I should go home and think about it for a few days, and if I needed an ultrasound still, that was fine. But I felt great! A ton of bricks were lifted off my shoulders, and I slept like a log that night. Unfortunately, it would appear that a few bricks were still lagging behind somehow, and for the last few nights, I have slept poorly again. When I wake up to use the bathroom in the night, I can’t turn my mind off, and I either sleep very lightly until I give up and get up, or I just toss and turn. Its exhausting and I hate it. I came to the conclusion that if my doctor was aware of how I was feeling, she would book me the ultrasound.

So this morning I called the clinic and tried to explain the situation to the somewhat rushed and uninterested receptionist. She took my message at warp speed and hung up. I felt kind of frustrated with her, but I knew that if the messaged reached my doctor, it would get the attention it needed. A couple of hours later I received my call with my ultrasound date. Tomorrow 🙂 Morning.

While sometimes its easy to complain about our health care system and providers, I feel so thankful for these people that jump through hoops to help me feel at ease. We are truly blessed!

Looking forward to tomorrow.

Pure JOY

Brady, Dekker, and I are completely thrilled to tell everyone our good news. We are expecting a baby!! I could post for hours today, but I won’t. I feel as though the last 11 weeks (thats how far along I am, if you’re interested) will take several posts to catch up on. Today will be short and informative, I hope.

First off, I apologize for the last couple of months. Just try blogging everyday with a HUGE secret you can’t talk about!! The posts have been boring and pessimistic. When I was pregnant with Dekker, my symptom was my belly. Seriously, I was invincible otherwise. This time around, I have been horribly nauseous, dizzy, headachey, fatigued, sore, crampy, itchy, and unfortunately, my anxiety from last year has translated into my pregnancy. I’ve struggled pretty hard to keep my head up, but God is good! We are so relieved to be able to share our news with friends and our church, knowing there is power when there is prayer in numbers!

For specifics, for those who want to know, I am 11 weeks and 1 day pregnant. My weeks turn over on Saturdays. Baby is the size of a large plum 🙂 I am due on September 21st, exactly one month after Dekker turns 2. Although if I’m honest, I’m really rooting for an early delivery, considering the size of my last child. Everything looks perfect so far. My bloodwork was great except vitamin D, but seriously, who in Saskatchewan has perfect vitamin D levels in winter?! My physical went well, everything is normal. God even blessed us with getting to hear our childs heart beat. Apparently its quite unheard of to listen to baby’s heart beat before 11 or 12 weeks, but we got a solid 179 bpm at 10 weeks 5 days. I say again, God is so good!

That is all I have the energy for tonight. After finally satisfying my Pizza Hut craving tonight, I am sooo full and just want a bath, a diclectin (for help with sleep) and a long night. Good night all! Thank you for your love and support and excitement that I’m seeing all over Facebook. My family appreciates it so much!

Killing Time

Our entire family was grumpy and lethargic yesterday so we felt it was important to get out of the house today. Being overdue on grocery shopping, we figured we had a good excuse to hit the city for a chunk of the day.

Lucky for us, we slept in pretty nicely! Dekker did anyway. We woke up slowly, watched Friends, had Eggos for breakfast, and I had a nice chat with one of Brady’s sisters on the phone. We don’t talk on the phone very often so when we do, there is a LOT of catching up to be done! It was a super relaxing morning that flew by. We got Dekker up, fed, and we were ready to go.

The most important order of business was to revisit Value Village and see if we missed anything cool last time. Plus, Brady had barely had any time to look around last time, so we did another sweep and ended up with a few shirts each and a brand new (as in unworn) pair of Carhartt work pants for Brady. A very good haul. But the very best part was that when we were leaving, the cashier offered Dekker a balloon! His first helium balloon! And better yet, a red one! She lovingly tied it loosely around his wrist as he sat patiently in his stroller. Well that was the highlight for the rest of the day. It bounced up and down in the back of the car the rest of the day. We even debated bringing it into Superstore with us but we figured he’d be super thrilled to have a balloon when he got back to the car, so we left it in the backseat. And we were right, he was so happy! If you didn’t catch the video I put on Facebook (I wish I could put videos on here!!) it showed him playing peek from behind his balloon. Here’s the best I have for right now.

IMG_0531

IMG_0532After all errands were completed, we picked up noodle bowls and headed for home. Now, everyone is full and bursting, and we’re heading downstairs for an episode of Auction Hunters before bedtime.

It was a great day. I’m anticipating an even better one tomorrow 🙂 Optimism!!!