Day Off

My week has filled up nicely, and I’m actually really looking forward to almost every event. The only nervy part is Dekker’s specialist appointment, and really the only nervy part of that is waking him up so early and then trying to make him do the tests. Who knows. Maybe he’ll surprise us all and use his manners and not put up a fight! But we’d sure love to order his glasses that same day before we drive home, so that also would require some cooperation. We’ll see.

Every other scheduled event is visiting with friends and family 🙂 This is the perfect way to fill a week! Today started with me taking the afternoon off from being home, leaving Dekker and Brady to their own devices, and spending the day with my dear friend, Jerilee. Neither of us were super energetic or motivated, so we started with lunch at Boston Pizza. Would you believe she’s never had the garlic twisty bread?!?! Life = changed, I think. We perused through a mall or two before just sitting by the river and visiting for a bit. It was so nice to have some solid girl time. I love my boys, don’t get me wrong!! But we all deserve a break once in a while from our responsibilities and I thoroughly enjoyed mine today.

It wasn’t a total break. Once I brought Jerilee back to her place, I headed to the nearest clinic to get my glucose test done. Gross. For those who don’t know, its a test to check for gestational diabetes. I’m not sure what it would all mean if they found that I had gestational diabetes, but I know that the babies of mothers with it tend to be born huge. No, I didn’t have GD when I was pregnant, that was just for fun I suppose. However, I don’t need anything to be too much bigger than Dekker was, and its just routine to have it done, so I did it. For the test, they gave me a bottle of a carbonated orange pop type of beverage to drink. Its completely jacked with sugar, and burned like crazy, sending me into a wild coughing fit. Then I had to sit in the waiting room for one hour, and then they took my blood. I’ll know soon enough if anything came of it, but I’m not worried at all. The downer was that there were no books, magazines, or papers, and I had to have my cell phone off the entire time. I was counting on my Sudoku app to keep me entertained for that hour! Instead, I stared at a wall. Best hour of my life. Or longest. Either way. When that was finally over, The woman took my blood. She was polite and friendly but super rushed, and I am now bruised and yucky because of it. I know, its not that big of a deal, and its nothing compared to delivering a child itself, but it hurt to lift Dekker after getting home about an hour later. Unfair.

Speaking of Dekker, I barely saw him today and while I didn’t have any intense separation anxiety or anything, I was so happy to see his big smile looking at me through the window as I got out of my car. I love his chubby arms and his shaggy hair and his wet lips and his blue eyes, to name just a few.

Tomorrow is garden day! Shouldn’t take too long to put it in. Its already taken long enough to get to this point!! But my mom is coming out to be part of it and to visit for a bit, so I’m really looking forward to that. I feel like I haven’t spent time with that lady in weeks and weeks!

So tomorrow will be nice. And today was nice. And Wednesday is going to be really good too. And so on.

How Sunday should be

As wrong as it seemed, we woke Dekker an hour earlier than necessary this morning. I was up for playing piano at church and had to be on the road at 8:30. We had decided to load Brady and Dekker in with Brady’s parents to arrive at the service at 10:00, but we wanted Dekker to have a sleep before lunch, so we opted to bring him to church early. It worked, and he slept through the service no problem! We headed to the local restaurant for lunch.

A LOT of pasta later, we were finished, Dekker was relatively meltdown-free, and Brady’s parents were on their way home. Such a nice visit, you guys. Thanks for coming 🙂

We debated a bit about what to do Sunday afternoon. Our week is looking pretty busy (in a wonderful way!), but there were some really good deals in the flyers we got for this week, so we decided to go buy our stuff this afternoon instead of making yet another trip into the city later on. Dekker has his specialist appointment on Wednesday so while that would be the perfect time to get stuff done in some ways, I think it’ll be a tough day on him and I’m pretty sure we’re gonna take him straight home afterwards. So to the city we went.

Only upon arriving home did we realize that we took advantage of awkwardly similar deals…

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Ok, no judging on the Jones Soda. I haven’t had one of those things since high school and they were 10/$10. Couldn’t resist 🙂  The eight jugs of juice were the main goal. While the raspberry lemonade is all fake and delicious, the orange and apple juice are straight orange and apple juice, no anything added, so I feel better about having them once in a while, and adding them to smoothies that Dekker will drink. Not that we’re super strict on food and sugars all the time, but these jugs were on for $3 each, which is pretty great considering we saw the exact same ones at Co-op for $8.50!! Win! Oh, and the tiny pomegranate juices were $1 and I’ve just always been curious 🙂 Why not? But we’re clearly a thirsty family. Six of the juice jugs are safely tucked away in my overflowing freezer.

Another exciting thing about coming home was seeing my daylilies are starting! I mean, the greenery has been there for a while now but the flowers are coming!!! Probably literally a day or two away!

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I’m pretty excited about them actually. They’re always so bright 🙂 A friend gave them to us a couple of years ago. They were already quite big and we dragged our feet getting them in, so I never expected them to actually grow! But success!!!!!

Last tidbit of my relaxing Sunday was dinner. Dekker slept through supper and Brady and I had guilty pleasure food with strawberry lime Jones to drink. If anyone remembers, Jones has “fortunes” in the lids. Mine?

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Right. Because this month hasn’t already been a whirlwind, and we’re only 9 days in.

I love you guys :)

I really want to thank my readers recently, just for being my readers. Since I’ve talked about Dekkers eyes, I have gotten considerably more views on the posts based on him, and I take that as people having concern for our family, and even loving my son. So thank you so very much for being interested in how my son is doing.

On the topic of Dekker, today started out really rough for him. He woke up nice and late but was pretty ticked as soon as he got up. He didn’t eat very much and did a LOT of screaming. I finally pulled him out of his chair and took him back to his room to have a talk with him. I sat down on the floor and placed him standing in front of me. I held his face to make him look into my eyes while we talked, and he could not focus on me. He burst out crying and reached for a hug. No more screaming for him. Just a big, long cry. I get it. He is totally frustrated with his eyes and not being able to see well. He’s finding totally normal routine things extra overwhelming, and it breaks my heart. So I let him have his safe, away from everyone else, cry. No reprimand, no big fight, just a big cry. When he calmed down, I just reminded him that his tantrums made it really hard for mommy and daddy to know what he wanted, and that we should all try a little harder to communicate.

We came back out and had a banana, but playing toys didn’t last long either. He was just finished. He went down for a nap sooner than later, as did we all. Dekker barely slept at all, but he came out of his crib totally refreshed and obviously feeling better. He ate a monstrous lunch. The rest of the day went quite a bit smoother. It was a very quiet day inside, rainy outside. Dekker fought his supper pretty hard as well. He had a little, but not too much at all. More than he did at breakfast. While every bit of me wanted to keep that boy in his high chair until he ate more, I tried to remember that we all have days where we’re not super hungry. If his appetite stays this way too long past getting his glasses, then we’ll take him in and see what we should do. But I also feel like this is one way I can show him compassion, and recognize that he’s just not feeling great, and I don’t eat well when I’m feeling sick or bothered either. We’ll just do a lot more smoothies and easy food for a while. I love him, and I really want him to feel better, but I don’t want to let my parenting slide either. Really hard boundary to find.

Thanks again, everyone, for your care, your Facebook messages, and your phone calls. We appreciate the concern and the prayers. Please don’t hesitate to keep them all coming!

Drop Day

Brady and I took Dekker in for his eye appointment today. We were warned about the eye drops last time, so I’ve been dreading this day since that one. We went to the city armed with a smoothie, goldfish crackers, and a bright, noisy toy. We got into a room nice and early, which was a relief, and waited for our eye doctor.

She came in and Brady put Dekker on his lap. She asked if we objected to doing the drops immediately, and we agreed. I remember having those drops, and I remember that it took a few minutes for my eyes to really blur up, which is what they need in order to get results. Brady tipped Dekker back and held him like a baby, and our doctor put the drops in. No fuss, no muss, for about three seconds, before he started crying. He was pretty ticked but overcame it right away when I played his loud, blinking toy for him. He perked up and came right over to play with it. Over the next few minutes, he got more and more clumsy and hesitant, until he just carefully walked back and forth between Brady and I.

Dr. P came back in to run her tests, and while he wouldn’t look over at the wall like she would have liked, the drops had done their job and he stared at her without being able to focus. After one eye, she commented that there was definitely a higher prescription than she had thought. After examining both eyes, we let Dekker back down to play toys and she filled us in. Both of his eyes are the same strength, which is why we don’t have to think about patches at this point. He almost always opts to look through his right eye, but she said he’ll just pick a favorite. His prescription is high! As in 5.5! Which is insane. We felt pretty disheartened. We tried to go check out their selection of glasses but at that point, Dekker was scared being that he couldn’t see much at all, and would absolutely scream and hit and make a huge scene if we came near him with glasses. So we gave up and decided to try again a different day, when his vision was better and he hadn’t been poked and prodded as much. A few more days glasses-free won’t hurt him.

We took Dekker to our family doctor last week as well, just to keep her in the loop, and she put through a referral to an opthamologist, just to double check things. She said it would likely take a while so we could sort of take it or leave it. However, we got a call last night that the doctor wanted to see Dekker sooner than later, so we have that appointment next Wednesday, at 8am. Gross. Poor Dekker. We were debating whether or not to keep that appointment, but I’m nervous about how high of a prescription he was given so fast, so I think we’ll go anyway, just to get a second opinion that hopefully confirms what our doctor already said. And then glasses.

We can do this. We can do this. We can do this.

Not all in my head

I’ve recently been suffering from some wicked pelvic pain. Every time I roll over in bed, or have to put pressure on my legs when I’m laying down, it feels like my legs are about to remove themselves from my body. Not an especially good feeling at all. Having had a breeze of a pregnancy with Dekker and a not-so-breezy pregnancy with this baby, I figured this is what all pregnant women go through. I mean, how many times have I heard things about women not being able to sleep, or being super uncomfortable?! Tons!! However, I l0ve my chiropractor and figured an adjustment wouldn’t hurt, even if the pain was just there from carrying a baby.

Turns out it wasn’t all in my head! He said I shouldn’t be in the kind of pain I’m in just because I’m pregnant, and checked me over. He was pretty unhappy with how out of whack I was, and gave me lots of instructions to follow. He wants to see me again in a couple of weeks and then from then on, monitor me once in a while as I get pregnanter and pregnanter. My favorite rule was “Get out a bit! Go on a date, and take a break for carrying your toddler around.” I suppose I’ll abide by it. We already even had an invitation for a double date! Just have to find a babysitter and I’m sooo going out on a date! Maybe I’ll even dress up! I have some good stretchy dresses I think I could fit my belly into…

Brady also had an adjustment, and I got my legs waxed. After our appointments, we did a quick Costco shop. There are some amazing sales on right now, so we took advantage of a few and loaded our freezer yet fuller. Pulled pork anyone? We have a pretty extreme amount of pork roasts kicking around.

Dekker was shot by the time we got home so he went down for a nice long nap, and woke up just in time for Brady’s parents to arrive. We all sat in the living room and played toys with Dekker until he went back to bed. Poor little guy struggles so hard with bedtime right now, but we’re just sticking with our routine and hoping it’ll work itself out eventually. Consistency. Consistency is the worst, but also super important, I hear.

Sooo ready for bed now. Some snacks, and Big Bang Theory reruns.

House Wife

Today Brady went to work at stupid o’clock to meet a deadline. He had a bit more work added to the pile and knew his day would be solidly full. So knowing we need to grocery shop, I tossed around the idea of going in and taking care of all the grocery shopping. One less thing for hubs to do right?

However, Dekker has been more irritable these days, and his mood is completely unpredictable. He can go from playing toys to full out screaming, crying big crocodile tears. Zero to sixty. For that reason, I decided not to hit the city at all today. But I would make my day at home worth while.

I did laundry aaaaall day. We weren’t specifically out of clothes, but we had a few sheet sets that had sat in our closet laundry bin for way too long, just being overlooked or “left for the next laundry day.” I had a few loads to do so I figured what was one more. It actually felt pretty good to be more productive than usual. And I was productive way earlier than usual too, since Dekker is up sooner these days.

When we finished up Dekkers breakfast, I brought the laundry all downstairs and started sorting it. He chose this particular moment to melt down. I sat him on my lap and he clung onto me while I sorted out the piles. He came with me to start the water and add the soap. He refused to go down for anything, and the clothes weren’t even in a basket I could kick over to the machines! So I bent down and grabbed big armfuls of laundry, with Dekker in my arms as well, all squished into each other. He laughed and laughed, loving it! So we made a few trips that way before we got settled in to play. No more work between the loads. Just playing.

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Dekker actually did awesome today. He played hard, ate really well, and napped twice. Since I was up around quite a bit today, he was very interested and following me all over. Also, we put his toys back in their bins yesterday so his “playing” today mainly consisted of pulling everything out.. He was concentrating pretty hard on it, and his eyes didn’t cross as much! An interesting thing to observe for me. And with his eyes crossed less, he was in better spirits. Its not in my head after all!

Brady came home with a great haul of groceries, which I put away while we started dinner. We are both feeling wiped from the last week and a half, and just wanted comfort food. So cheesy potatoes and chicken fingers it was! Super delicious, and Dekker loved it too. After that, we loaded up the dishwasher, tidied up around the kitchen, and made our plan for tomorrow. We have a bunch of appointments in the afternoon and some things to pick up at Costco. Definitely didn’t get to mowing this week but I suppose there’s still hope for that tomorrow.

Maybe life will slow down next week. Maybe. Or maybe God will bless us with good nights sleeps and we won’t need life to slow down too much. If I could fend off the crappy dreams and braxton hicks, I know I would sleep better!

Short Insane Nights

My nights have been shorter for the last little while. Dekker is waking up earlier (cue the jokes about him waking up sooo early at 9:30 now…) and he’s very agitated right off the bat. So while I used to be able to get him set up with breakfast and then doddle around and get myself ready for the day, I now have to aim to be up earlier and all ready before he makes a sound. His first sounds have recently been angry cries. Long days.

What made the night even shorter was the stinking birds. Have I mentioned the stupid 4 o-clock birds on here before?? Don’t get me wrong. I love living out of the city and hearing the birds and frogs and all that good stuff. But the random flock of whatever that has a party next to my house every morning at 4:00 ticks me off. So we’ve started putting a fan on in our room and it helps drown out the party sounds. However, last night they came early (3:30am) and for some reason, our fan wasn’t on. We were completely exhausted after yesterday and I guess we just forgot to turn it on. So in my “sane” state of mind, I woke Brady up from being out cold and started bugging him, asking if we had fireworks so we could make the birdies sleep. Yup, those are the things I said. “Sleep.” As I got more awake, I realized I had to pee like a race horse, so I did that and was wide awake when I came back to our room. I thought of turning on the fan but had no idea if it had been on to begin with and maybe Brady had turned it off for some reason. So I tried to nudge him awake just a bit and ask. He told me a fairly elaborate story of how the batteries in the remote were dead. Uh huh. Apparently I woke him up too much so he got up to use the washroom and turned the fan on. Oh well, I would have done it myself but at least it got done. Just poor, 4am communication, thats all.

It took me at least a good hour to fall back to sleep. I had fallen asleep originally out of sheer exhaustion from the day before, but was awakened just in time to get all riled up about the day we had.I prayed so hard for peace, and finally found enough to fall asleep.

Dekker and I met Brady at our doctors office this morning to speak with her/alert her to Dekker’s new eye problem. *shivers* I don’t want to say “problem” but everything else sounds lame. It really is just a new challenge. But anyway, you get the picture. We went. I wasn’t sure what to expect, or if she’d even see it. In some places, he is right on point, completely focused, no problem. His eyes are at their worst at home or in the car, where he is very familiar with his surroundings. Lucky for us, he actually really likes the doctors office! So the moment she walked into the exam room, she saw his eyes wandering. While she says herself that she doesn’t have all the optical “lingo,” she did a great assessment of him. She checked him all over for any sign of an illness that could have brought everything on so fast. By the end, she assured us Dekker is in great health, but she could vouch that he wasn’t completely himself. I told her that we would be seeing his eye doctor again on Friday, and she said she would follow up with him at our next prenatal appointment in a week or two. She was very encouraging and seemed happy that we had brought him in, even though his vision isn’t so much in her specific field of work. She commented that his speech had definitely picked up again. He talked and talked with her, and she would look right at him and listen until he was done. She gives him so much value. We felt good leaving, knowing she knew where he stood and that she wanted to know further details.

After the appointment, Brady headed back to work and Dekker and I headed straight home. With the earlier mornings, Dekker is for sure taking two naps every day and he was wiped out. He fell asleep in the car just as we were out of the city. I brought him inside when we got home and put him down to continue his nap. That was two hours ago, and he’s still out. He’s been silent and I’ve been drinking an iced capp and eating lemon timbits. Sue me. It was super delicious.

Big plans for the evening are getting a couple more little things done around the house, and then doing not a whole heck of a lot else. We are all still reeling from last week and its continuing into this week. We need to rest, and we need to rest together.

As long as we remember to turn on the fan…

Recovery

This morning was really rocky with Dekker. I think that along with his struggles with his eyes, he is also possibly entering a new stage of figuring out boundaries and mostly just pushing them, and getting angry when he doesn’t get his way. It was amazing how he did ok through breakfast and then as soon as we went to play toys, he would point at a toy and burst out crying. I don’t get it!!! By the time I took him to his room for a nap, he was acting out completely. I completely lost my temper on him and he cried way harder. We were sooo mad at each other. And it broke my heart. He was so tired, and probably uncomfortable. I feel like he needs to learn that even in imperfect circumstances, certain reactions are just not an option, like screaming or hitting, but I am struggling to find the balance between discipline and compassion. I changed his diaper before his nap, with him screaming at me and me screaming back at him. When I picked him up from his change table, he just held me tight. I bawled into his shoulder and he seemed to just rest and doze while I cried. Total. Meltdown. I finally gave him up to his bed, and went to cry in my own bed. I felt like a complete and utter failure. I think all parents probably (hopefully??) have moments like this, but that doesn’t make losing my temper ok. Just because its somewhat normal to feel that way doesn’t excuse it. Just because some people in the world handle situations worse doesn’t make my mistake any less wrong. I’m so thankful he forgave me and loved me so neither of us had to part ways in anger.

My mom called and I bawled again. She was planning to come over mid-afternoon but we bumped that up a bit and she was over sooner, to keep me company and help me get motivated to do some jobs around the house. We made lists in the afternoon, planned some meal ideas for the weekend, and tidied up a few things. I have been gradually pulling all the clothes that don’t fit Dekker out of his closet and dumping them on the chair in his room. So today I did some dishes and my mom folder and boxed those clothes up, taking turns with Dekker while he played and brought us books to read. It was a nice way to spend the afternoon.

Dekker was a bit more hands-on in the evening, but lucky for us both of my parents came out for dinner and to do some evening work! Most of our basement has been in our living room since the flood, and it finally made its way downstairs again! All the boxes and musical equipment is down, and the basement is freshly vacuumed and rearranged to seat more people and have more room to run. Of course there are still lots of big things stacked against one wall and honestly, they’ll probably just stay that way. I’m not too worried. Our kitchen is tidy, and my mom even took on the super disgusting job of throwing away all the unidentifiable leftovers from the fridge. The furnace/storage room is in order, and tons of garbage is out in the bin. I’m feeling like our house is more together than its been in months. Its far from perfect but its a start. Feels good to me!

With all the new developments with Dekker, I’m having trouble distinguishing whether he really is as confused as he appears to be, or if he’s going through a stage, or a bit of both. I’m also wondering just how genetic this whole cross-eyed thing is. So I called our doctors office and she has an opening tomorrow. I’m really looking forward to running a few of these things by her. I value her opinion quite a bit. She’s a wise lady.

All things considered, it was a very successful day. The morning sent me reeling a little, and it took a bit to come back from that, but having an extra set of hands around always helps! Thanks so much mom!! I appreciated you so much today!

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Dekker’s Big News

Its been a tough week for our family, and I appreciate everyones patience with me while I’ve been so vague about why. Time to share.

About a week ago, Brady and I noticed that from a distance, Dekker’s eyes were crossed. We would blink, and it would be gone. Being that I was born with crossed eyes, we figured we were just thinking of the worst case scenario. But then the same thing happened once the next day. The third day was a yucky day when Dekker woke up confused and furious, his eyes crossed very dramatically. He was having such a hard time focusing on things, he would actually cover one eye. I called my eye doctor and scheduled an appointment for him the next day.

Dekker did surprisingly well at his appointment. Never having had to take him anywhere other than his family doctor, I had no idea what to expect or how he would do, but he was quiet and patient and our doctor was very happy that she could get as much information out of him as she did. After a series of tests, she confirmed that his vision is all there, as is the clarity. He is, however, pretty far-sighted, just like I am. He will need glasses.

We will need to bring him back this coming week so she can put drops in his eyes. You know how kids can just stare for long periods of time? Dekker has always done that, and he kept doing it during her tests, so she couldn’t get completely accurate readings on how his eyes react to everything. The drops she’ll put in his eyes will basically make him unable to hold a stare so he will react more to some of the exercises. Information is very important, and I will take him to the appointment for his own good, but she has forewarned us that the drops are going to sting him pretty badly and I hate the thought of taking him somewhere, knowing he will get hurt. I know it is worth it, you don’t have to say. It just hurts my heart. When we know how far-sighted he is, he’ll be set up with glasses almost right away. Where do people even get glasses for someone so little?!?

I’ve decided to share the information today because his eyes are a lot more noticeable, and I see people kind of looking twice but not saying anything. I am having a hard time swallowing all of this, and haven’t really been up to talking about it, but I’m doing better now that the idea has sunk in for about a week now. I know, its just glasses. But I had glasses at 1.5 years old too. While I am grateful for it now, it was annoying at the time. It was a hassle that I wish my toddler didn’t have to go through.

With the whole experience, my son has changed. He gets frustrated much faster, throws more tantrums, doesn’t like things or people too close, and I’m quite certain he is suffering from headaches daily. It would make sense. Everything came on SO fast, which is what scared me the most about the whole thing! However, my wonderful sister pointed out that is exactly how Dekker comes into all of his stages and new life situations. Fast, and with gusto. If he is going to need glasses, its going to take a very short time before we figure it out and get things done to fix it. For that, I am thankful.

All of this aside, Dekker is a total sweetheart. He cuddles and sings and dances and smiles and loves. Same little boy. He just has a new face.

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Please don’t hesitate to talk about this with us and ask us about it. We’re not embarrassed or angry. Just learning, and of course we’re a little bit sad that our pride and joy has to go through hard stuff. But as I so often say, God is good!!!

Prayers are more than welcome.

Dalmeny Days

This morning we woke Dekker up from a dead sleep to go to Dalmeny to watch the parade. We went to my parents house first and we all walked downtown together to find a spot for our lawn chairs. The parade started right on schedule and made the circuit twice. Dekker was pretty chill, and while he is always super cute, he looked super bored the whole time. We pointed out everything to him! Horses, music, friends, firetrucks, etc. Nothing. But his cuteness got us a good haul of candy that, even after coaxing, he would not sample. More for us!

We napped Deks for about an hour at my parents house before heading out to the city for some grocery shopping. We hit the mall first to try to find Dekker a hat. Baby hats have never fit his massive noggin and now that he’s out in the sun more, he needs something. So we went trendy. So worth it.

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I know, you can’t really see it, but its a flexfit Hurley hat. Its actually super awesome. I would wear it, but its too small. However, it is a youth size so that tells you something.

While at the mall, I dropped in on my hair girl to see if she could touch up my roots and give me a trim some evening this week. She unfortunately doesn’t work evenings but said she could take me in about a half hour. Lucky for me my adorable boys agreed to do the grocery shop on their own so I stayed back and got pampered for a little while. It was really nice. My hair is freshly blonded, and the cut is just a little different than last time, and I like it more. Win!

It was a total score of a day. The evening was hard again, with Dekker struggling so hard at bedtime. But while he cried on his change table, Brady decided to take a different approach to the chaos, and tickled Dekker until he laughed. It was great from there on out. Lots of tickles and cuddles and peekaboos.

We’ve all had some nice sun, and we’re looking forward to outdoor church in the morning, after a bagel breakfast. Anyone is welcome!!! Come on, come all!