A normal Sunday, you say?

I think I’ve had a few posts on here titled something along the lines of “The way a Sunday should be.” I don’t think I’ve had one recently though, as our lives have been moving nonstop and we have not had a normal Sunday in what feels like forever. When we finally have a quiet Sunday where we’re not expected to do anything or be anywhere, we honestly just would rather stay home and finally rest on our day of rest. But today was back to normal 🙂 Almost.

Before “normal Sunday” began, we headed into Saskatoon. We had some friends out of town and had agreed to let their dog out a couple of times. It was super easy, as their dog is very easy going, and they live right on the edge of the city. This morning was our last visit to their puppy. We took the back road we always take to get there, and it turned out to be a really bad idea. It rained a bit at our house last night, but there must have been some kind of torrential downpour in Saskatoon last night because the road was awful and I was losing control of the car. It was too late to turn around so Brady encouraged me to just keep going, don’t stop, and basically just gun it (thank you traction control!) until we were out. Or, turns out, until we got horribly stuck. It was awful. I was panicked. Brady was problem solving and getting out of the car to see how bad off we were. Dekker was talking in the backseat. Luckily, we slid all over the place and got stuck right at the side of the road, so Brady got out and said he was going to push. I rolled down the window so we could communicate, and I began pressing the gas while Brady pushed and we limped the car bit by bit. We were literally in a “pedal to the metal” type of situation, and finally I felt something take and I said to Brady if I got any traction I was just going to go for it. He agreed, and pushed until I kind of shrieked and picked up speed. And swerved and slid and lost control and gained control and screamed and panicked and sweated and almost ran off the road and finally made it to the pavement. I pulled over and got out of the car to wait for Brady. It was actually kind of hilarious because it felt kind of like “Well, glad thats over” and we got back in and headed over to let the dog out! We had a good laugh about it later while we drove to church, and somehow, we weren’t even late!

Church was nice, as usual. Its always nice to see everyone and spend the morning with that family. We spent the rest of the day at my parents house, eating, editing photos on the computer, and watching our 3D ultrasound video. We pulled out some boxes of my old baby stuff and pulled out a couple of things that have come back in style for our baby girl. Dekker’s naps sucked the bag so he wasn’t at his best but he did pretty great 🙂 He’s always great.

We’ve arrived home now, Dekker’s asleep, I’ve already put in our small load of diapers we’ve done every night now for three nights simply because our wet bag is too small to hold any more than about six diapers. The big ones are in the mail! But thats in, Bradys making his lunch, and we are making plans about what this week will look like.

Tomorrow, Dekker and I are going on a date with my mom to buy some material that my mom has offered to make into receiving blankets for our daughter. And maybe buy sandals. And a dress. Should be a fun date day either way!

It was nice to have “normal Sunday” back. Minus the car getting stuff. Perhaps I’ll add “wash the car” to tomorrows list.

Loss

On my very best friends lost her mother today. I believe I can safely say that this was the wildest week and half that she or anyone in her family has ever experienced. I can barely fathom being on her end of the situation, and my heart is so broken for them.

Having not asked the family for permission, I don’t plan to go into big details. But instead, I’d like to concentrate on the up-side.

Pam is FREE! She is no longer weak, or unable to communicate. Her mind is clear and she is comfortable. She is no longer in a hospital bed with machines beeping, being tested and tested and tested.

I have not been a mother for very long at all, but from what I do know, I firmly believe that the entire time she has been in hospital, she has been silently praying for her family. How could a mother not?! She would have been praying for peace, and strength for her kids and husband. For future spouses and children. For wisdom in plans of jobs and schools and where to live and what to pursue. More than likely, she was thinking of herself last.

I cannot imagine losing my mom at this stage of my life. Or ever. But especially now. I’m only 24! So is my friend. Her mom didn’t make it to 50.

This all feels so unfair to me, and I’m sure many others feel the same. I am confident in my faith in God, and I know He has my friend and her family in the palm of His hand. That is supposed to be so comforting and if I’m honest, it so often isn’t for me. Sometimes it just makes me angrier. But in this case, from a different province, I feel like this family was prayed over by many people, supported by their church and their loved ones, and blessed by God. Everything was done exactly how it should have been done!

I had such a strong, unshakeable faith that she would survive and be healed miraculously. As in, I really believed it! I didn’t have to force it. I was confident! And she didn’t survive. Yet somehow I don’t feel betrayed. I’m not going to look too closely into that. I choose to be thankful that I’m not angry at God for taking the mama of my dear friend, and that I can still praise Him through all of this.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, who gives and takes away.

Day One in Cloth!

Dekker was in cloth diapers today!

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We started them yesterday evening when a yucky rash appeared with no warning. My cloth diaper plans had been to use cloth as much as possible, but likely still use disposables in the night, as we always double diaper overnight, and he still often pees through. But as so many of you know, cloth is SO CUTE and super soft. So I took a risk and put him in a double-stuffed cloth diaper for night and he DID NOT pee through!! I was sooo happy!

So our day began normally. A littler earlier than usual, but still good. Dekker ate breakfast and played toys as always, while I awaited his dreaded morning poop. I feel like I have a decent idea of how to work with a poopy cloth diaper (maybe?) but we are not set up for it yet! The main goal is to use cloth on baby #2, but likely put Dekker in cloth as well for the next few months until we start potty training. Anyone who has researched cloth diapering could tell you that the upfront cost is bigger than just using disposables, and thats true. So we’re trying to gather up our stuff slowly, buying second hand, or waiting for deals. For instance, we have two large wet bags on order. They shipped today from BC so should only be a few days away. We have one small wet bag bought with the intention to keep it in the diaper bag. Other than that, we have diapers and inserts. I haven’t done my cloth wipes yet, and have no sprayer or plan really around that. Just flying by the seat of my pants, a little earlier than expected. I’m looking forward to that order arriving. I have to agree with all the other cloth diaperers out there though. Its totally addicting! The diapers are so cute!!! Lucky for me, all the ones I’ve purchased are the same brand, and they fit Dekker’s body perfectly! That was a bit of a gamble…

Dekker was awake way longer than usual after waking up in the morning, as I was waiting for him to poop. Wouldn’t do it. I fed him lunch and finally gave in and took him to bed for a nap. He never fought it and went right to sleep. When he woke up, it was with a vengeance and lots of poop. With his rash appearing yesterday, he is very scared of his bum being changed when he’s pooped, since it hurt him so bad yesterday. When I took him out of his crib and put him on his change table, he crossed his legs and would not be moved. He’s not a kid who tries to escape a diaper change ever, but he did not want me to even start. But I had to! So before we started, I picked a song he liked and started singing to him. He calmed right down and we did everything really slowly. He was very nervous, but didn’t actually cry, even when I had to wipe where his rash looks the worst! So I know he’s in way less pain than he was yesterday, but he’s still pretty nervous. I can’t blame him. The redness already looks way better 🙂 Success! After that bum change, I stuffed the disgusting diaper into the already-full wet bag and made the decision that he would run a load of laundry through tonight. Not because we don’t have enough diapers! But because a) our wet bag can’t hold any more, and b) I want to see if the poop comes out on its own or if its going to stain everything. I’m going to the city tomorrow so I may pick up some disposable liners or cloth diaper friendly stain stuff. Not sure yet.

Either way, we survived the poopy diaper, we all had supper as a family, and then watched the crazy documentary on Netflix called Catfish. Wild. Everyone should watch it. Great tip, Jerilee! Now Deks is sleeping away and we can’t have a bath because the diapers need the hottest of water to wash in and we need pretty much the whole hot water tank to fill our tub, haha! Well timed on my part.

All things in, I’m excited about the cloth diapering thing. We’ll have to take it on the road tomorrow so that should be a bit interesting! I suppose we have to repack our diaper bag…

Second Time Mom

Today I saw my doctor for a routine prenatal appointment and I have just been bursting at the seems about it, so it would appear you guys will be my outlet for my emotions!

I was a little unhappy when everything started. They weighed me, and I gained quite a bit more than is considered “average.” At just about 31 weeks, I’ve gained 28 pounds. I know it doesn’t seem like lots, but I’ve had two big months in a row now. I suppose I’m just gearing up for another mondo-child! However, with that weight gain, the baby has GROWN! When my doctor has measured my belly, I’ve always been measuring a week or two small, which doesn’t really matter at all because there is still consistent growth. However, I was considered 30 weeks at my appointment today and instead of measuring 28 weeks, I measured 33! And people, that isn’t based on how fat I am, its aaaaall uterus. So baby is growing beautifully, and I couldn’t be happier. I also spoke to my doctor about the usual stuff – reflux, soreness, low blood pressure, etc. and she was very happy with all my answers. Yes, I have those issues like lots of other pregnant ladies but I’m dealing on them the right way. More and more, I can tell that she trusts me, and I appreciate that.

* A random little side note I have to throw in here is that she really affirmed us with Dekker too. She trusts our judgement with him quite a bit, and so often says things like “If you’re concerned and you’d like me to check, I can do that, but you’re his parents and you know.” I love that! And for the first time ever (that I can remember anyway) she told us she really likes Dekker’s name. While I know we’ll never please everyone with a name, she mentioned that she grew up with lots of people with the same name as her, and that Dekker’s name has the perfect amount of uniqueness to make it a good solid name. I liked that.

Anyway, baby girl has a great, easy to find heartbeat of 145 bpm. Its slowed down quite a bit from her first reading of 179, but apparently thats super normal towards the end of pregnancy so neither of us are concerned. My BIG concern today was finding out her position. She moves around a LOT and I know that at one point she was breech. Doctors want to know baby’s position around week 32, and apparently if baby is breech, they just will then keep a close eye on the situation and possibly try and spin the baby. I won’t see my doctor for another four weeks, as she goes on holidays soon, so if baby girl appeared breech and we didn’t find out until she got back, it could possibly be too late to really make any efforts to spin her. So Dr Guselle was checking my stomach and trying to find her position, and said she was pretty confident she was head down, but couldn’t actually feel her head! So I agreed to a pelvic exam in an effort to be as sure as we could be. I think any woman would agree with me that any internal exam is uncomfortable. I sort of braced myself for it, and less than a second later she was exclaiming “Wow, 100% head down, and looow!” Apparently we can’t feel her head because its already way down there, just about engaged. I am sooo relieved! And with all the contractions I’ve been having, everything is still closed and hard and far away like it should be, so thats great to hear too. By the end of the appointment, I had almost forgotten about the eight pounds I gained these last four weeks. Almost.

I’ve been thinking a lot about being a mom again, and I spoke to one of my pregnant friends about all the emotions that come with it just the other day. She described herself as feeling a little bit guilty because she wasn’t feeling as excited as she thought she should be. I’ve heard lots of people talk about being nervous that they won’t love their second child as much as their first, just because they have SUCH love for their first, so I tried to assure her that it was a natural feeling, and we reminisced about the amazing moment of delivering that screaming little person and the huge flood of love that comes with it! I, however, have the opposite predicament.

I didn’t cry when Dekker was born. I was THRILLED, but it seemed so surreal to me that it didn’t really sink in right away. I more so wanted to look at him and tell him I loved him and absorb every possible thing that was happening to me. It was overwhelming in the best possible way, but I did not cry. Now, I find myself teary just thinking about my baby girl coming out into the world and being mine to hold and nurture and raise. I know I will cry when she finally arrives, and there is a part of me that feels very guilty about that. I have been so careful not to say “I hope its a girl” or anything along those lines that would make my boy seem less special, or baby #2 to feel like they weren’t exactly what I wanted. There WILL NOT be child favoritism in my family, and I’m scared that these emotions I feel about baby #2 will come across wrong.

So this is what I have to say about that. I shouldn’t have to try and stifle my emotions regarding the birth of my daughter. I am not more emotional because she is a girl, or because I’m bored with Dekker. I will (and do) cry because I now know the richness and sweetness that comes with having a child. It is truly amazing. I didn’t know that feeling in the same way when Dekker was born. I knew everything was going to be new, and probably really hard. But going into it a second time, I know what a bright light a child brings to a family, and I feel overwhelmingly blessed to be going through it again.

Yes, I cried in the car. Again. Best day ever.

Affirmation

I’ve been feeling terribly sore these days, and I buckled and booked in with my chiropractor today. I know I’ve bragged him up in the past, but I really love my chiropractor! It seems I’ve found some amazing health care professionals in this city, and I feel very blessed.

I’ve complained a lot about pelvic and pubic pain, and I’ve seen him several times for these reasons. At one point I was treated a few times rather close together, and my pubic pain was sooo much better! Not gone, but it was a large improvement. What more could I ask for? Realistically, I’m pregnant, and can expect to be achy, right?

Wrong, apparently.

I went to Dr. Mike on my own today, as the earliest appointment I could get was right over Dekker’s nap time, so Brady stayed home with him and I drove to the city on my own, blasting Anberlin in the car. I got in right away and told the doctor right away that I was super sore. He asked where and I said in my pelvis and right on my pubic bone. That was the part where I learned that I had never specified my pubic bone to him before! I suppose I subconsciously didn’t want to say “pube” to someone I don’t really know, but he took it very seriously. How long had I had pain there, when did I feel it the worst, etc. I lay down on his table and he teeter tottered my hips around a little bit and confirmed that my pelvis was way out of place. Weirdly enough, having that affirmation that I wasn’t making it up was relief in itself. He did a whole different treatment on me today, and what I appreciated the most was the explanation that came along with the appointment. He pulled out the little skeleton guy and showed me how everything is put together. He explained that it takes a lot to damage a pelvis outside of pregnancy, but when all those tendons start to loosen up, preparing for delivery, things can get out of place and it will REALLY hurt! Every step, every roll over in bed, every move! All things considered, this isn’t a pain that I should have to just tolerate, and he said its actually an easy fix, he just needed to know it was happening and I had neglected to tell him. Well that will NEVER happen again! I have more knowledge after today, more instruction, more treatment, and I know when I need to go back to keep feeling better.

It was strange after I left. I felt amazing relief, just knowing that I wasn’t making everything up. Maybe that sounds a little ridiculous, but so much of this discomfort I have passed off as just being pregnancy aches and pains, but Dr Mike can make it so I don’t have to suffer so bad! I was relieved that he took me so seriously, asked lots of questions, and as always, was super respectful while treating me. Considering my issues have most often been with my pelvis, tailbone, pubic bone, etc., he does a really great job of covering the bases and making sure that I’m being respected, and that he is also protected as a professional. I left feeling very relaxed, and completely exhausted from having my body worked on so much. But I have very high hopes. He educated me on what to watch for and I have instructions to come back in earlier if certain concerns or pains arise. I appreciate that clinic so much!

After my chiropractic appointment I grabbed a few groceries and headed to my moms to drop off a few cds of pictures. I went home from there to my house smelling of the honey chicken Brady had put on while I was gone. Jerilee came for supper, bearing gifts for both of my kids 🙂 Psh! And you say you never bring anything when you come over!!!!! I love you! Thanks for loving my family.

Brady and I are all cuddled in for the night, Dekker is quiet, and I’m looking forward to an episode or two of How I Met Your Mother before lights out. Hoping for a pain-free sleep. Maybe after today, I won’t feel like tearing my legs off in the middle of the night…

Home Day!!! (+ photos of our trip!)

I have to say, for a first day back, we had an amazingly productive day! I’m actually super thrilled about it, and feeling very nesty. I remember being nervous when I left, that the nesting urge would dissipate and that I would no longer feel motivated to get things in my house in order. But I still got it!

I’ve been looking on kijiji for a few weeks now for a new change table. I have given myself a budget and was feeling discouraged that nothing even came close to what I was looking for could be found within it. I started to toy with the idea of bumping my price, but I found the PERFECT thing yesterday. The seller agreed to hold it for me until today and Brady actually left around 10am to go pick it up from Saskatoon. As I said, it is perfect!! It has more storage, which was the main thing I needed. Going to cloth diapers takes up more space, as does a second child. Our current wardrobe in the baby room barely holds all of Dekker’s clothes, much less Dekker and his sisters clothes! So we got a dresser.

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While Brady was gone, I got Dekker up and fed him breakfast. I don’t know what “average” is and frankly, I don’t really care, but Dekker is really only starting to try and feed himself now. He just hasn’t shown interest in it before! But he is now. So this morning I did an experiment with him and his cereal. I put spoons full of cereal in his bowl for him to grab and put in his mouth, one pointing left and one right. We’ve wondered for a while now which handing he preferred, as he’s shown a lot of interest with his left. I wanted to see which side he took. He went for his right immediately but lost all the cereal long before it got to his mouth. He then tried the left hand and got it all in, no problem. So I’m still not sure!! But either way, it was my own way of playing through breakfast I guess.

After breakfast we headed downstairs for toys, TLC baby shows, and laundry. I am proud to say everything is clean!!! I did all the laundry from the trip today, which was about four loads I think. I know, its not huge, but I figured it counted for a first day back anyway. So weird that I love doing laundry right now!

Shortly after Brady got hone, Dekker went down for a nap and we settled in for a bit of a rest. My parents dropped by while out for a drive, and my dad helped Brady haul the dresser inside. It was much heavier and actually bigger than we had thought, but in a really pretty, sturdy way. So while Brady could probably handle the weight, it was weird and difficult to manoeuvre.  But it is now in place, filled with all kinds of things that will likely get rearranged and re-rearranged many times over the next two months. But the two bottom drawers are empty, waiting to be filled with clothing for our kids that won’t fit in the wardrobe. Oh, clothing organization solutions, how I love/hate you.

While I helped feed Dekker supper, Brady loaded the dishwasher and hand washed everything that isn’t allowed in, which is the worst job! We then headed back downstairs and threw our cloth diapers from our Ebay purchase in the wash. I’ve been excited to get these washed and ready since they arrived at my house, so it was exciting to chuck them all in there one by one, break out the new laundry detergent, and run the hottest cycle possible. Again I say, sooo weird how much I like doing laundry now! Hopefully it lasts!

One last thing I’ll say about today is that our lawn and garden are out of control! We desperately need to cut our grass and weed our garden of corn. However, we counted out how many corn plants have survived the weeds. Ready? 187. And I believe each corn plant produces two cobs?! So we may have an excess in fall 🙂

In case this post isn’t already long enough, I’m going to add a bunch of photos from our trip! Unfortunately I didn’t ask the other parents if I could post pictures of their children in time, so basically you’re going to be hit with an overload of pictures of my cute son with a couple of others. But hey, if thats the worst part of your day, you have it pretty good!

And so do I.

Dekker and Brady watching the bigger kids swimming.
Dekker and Brady watching the bigger kids swimming.
Squatting, of course
Squatting, of course

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Playing toys with Auntie Caity
Playing toys with Auntie Caity
He pushed this thing around the pool deck constantly, driving it like a car.
He pushed this thing around the pool deck constantly, driving it like a car.
Dude
Dude

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I've taught him well, apparently!
I’ve taught him well, apparently!
Hubs
Hubs
This guy clearly hasn't seen many video games in his life
This guy clearly hasn’t seen many video games in his life
When we all went for ice cream, it got pretty crowded and Deks got overwhelmed so we went and sat together at the bench and shared my ice cream. I love sharing with him, he's so polite.
When we all went for ice cream, it got pretty crowded and Deks got overwhelmed so we went and sat together at the bench and shared my ice cream. I love sharing with him, he’s so polite.
LOVE this picture
LOVE this picture

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My boys
My boys
Brady is way braver (and stronger) than me, and does this often. However, Dekkers legs seemed extra ticklish this evening, which made it way more fun!
Brady is way braver (and stronger) than me, and does this often. However, Dekkers legs seemed extra ticklish this evening, which made it way more fun!

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I love him.
I love him.

 

My heart is full. I had an amazing day today, my mom brought me all these pictures to remind me of all the good stuff that happened over the last few days, and I’m looking forward to my bathtub and another night in my own bed. Life is rich. And I am thankful.

Happy to be home!

Needless to say, we are all thrilled to be home! No burn against my family, as we loved being around them and catching up, but home is so nice, always.

Deks woke up at 7:00 this morning and it was rough right away. He ate somewhat quietly, but after that, he screamed. I brought him to his room, outside of his room, took him for a walk, carried him, brought him outside to the pool, I tried everything. He screamed. And screamed. People slammed their windows. I cried too. It was awful. A positive side of his morning, however, was that we packed up everything super early. Then around 9am he went back down for a nap and we could rest and load the car. Then he was up for lunch, so we hit up the local asian restaurant. He had a few meltdowns but for the most part he did great. I shared my chicken balls and chow mein with him and he perked up quite a bit. He was friendly while we all said goodbye and then he was finished. We were the first to leave, which always feels sick to me, but I doubt everyone kicked around for a whole lot longer. The drive home was touch and go, but he did ok and we did our best.

We took a gamble and stopped at his glasses place to get his specs adjusted again. He threw a big tantrum over the weekend and threw his face into the couch, and his nose pads have been crooked ever since. He did really well, and everything got placed. I’m sure it helped that we ran into grandma inside! My mom was picking up her new glasses as well so we were at the fitting counter together. Grandma makes everything better.

My favorite part of the drive was in the last stretch. We were passing a semi and Dekker was pointing and staring at it. I turned around to face him and ooo and aah over the big truck. Sometimes Dekker waves at other vehicles all on his own, so I tried to encourage him to wave. He didn’t wave, but instead stayed in his pointing position. When we passed, I saw the driver was full of smiles, and honked his horn for Dekker 🙂 I could have cried, honestly. I know its such a silly little thing but what a way to be acknowledged! I waved at him and celebrated with Dekker. It was so much fun!

I won’t go into tons of details about the evening. We tried to put Deks down for a rest as soon as we got home. We thought his own room and crib would feel nice and safe, but he was so frustrated and just fussed the whole time. So we got him up and had supper. He had maaaaaybe ten bites but was so done with it before we even really started. Poor boy started scream crying like he had done all weekend. It was so discouraging. So I just asked him if he would rather just skip all that stuff and go straight downstairs to play toys. He was so excited! So we hauled him downstairs and he raced around nonstop for about two hours. He played games and danced and joked and fell and got back up and ran and waved his arms and gave sooo many kisses! I think I squeezed one kiss out of him the entire time we were away, and I probably got fifteen this evening alone.

Bedtime cuddles were prime. More kisses, lots of cuddling and singing, chatting, practicing our parts of the face, etc. He was so soft and squishy and not eager to get away at all. Just happy to lay on me. We eventually called Brady in and he got his cuddles in as well. Its so nice Brady is finally illness-free and can partake in all of Dekker’s affection. Deks is now in bed, dead to the world asleep. Best evening ever.

So for some photos! I don’t have many, as it was truly a challenging weekend, but I have a few anyway. I’m hoping to steal a few from my mom someday soon and post those as well. But these are for today.

In the common area, there was one of those mall rides. Since Dekker scares so easily, we didn't actually run it, but he loved just sitting on it and wasn't afraid to be so high up at all!
In the common area, there was one of those mall rides. Since Dekker scares so easily, we didn’t actually run it, but he loved just sitting on it and wasn’t afraid to be so high up at all!
I wish I had added my foot to this picture for scale. Its just a photo of the pool deck and Dekker's little wet footprints.
I wish I had added my foot to this picture for scale. Its just a photo of the pool deck and Dekker’s little wet footprints.
What we woke up to every morning. We had a little alcove in our room where we stuck Dekker's playpen, and then hung up this blanket so he couldn't see us and we wouldn't disrupt his sleep. Didn't fully work, apparently.
What we woke up to every morning. We had a little alcove in our room where we stuck Dekker’s playpen, and then hung up this blanket so he couldn’t see us and we wouldn’t disrupt his sleep. Didn’t fully work, apparently.
How most days were spent. Dekker in a cruddy mood with us desperately trying to keep positive attitudes. "Trying" is the keyword here.
How most days were spent. Dekker in a cruddy mood with us desperately trying to keep positive attitudes. “Trying” is the keyword here.
Mischief.
Mischief.
My best moment of the trip. Dekker's 45 minute nap that he took on my shoulder when no one else was around. I'm so happy he felt so safe with me.
My best moment of the trip. Dekker’s 45 minute nap that he took on my shoulder when no one else was around. I’m so happy he felt so safe with me.
I LOVE this picture! My mom is so often behind the camera, but lucky for us, Dekker knows it. He always comes up to my mom to see the picture once its been taken (or while she's trying to take it.) Since she's had her surgery, she's not allowed to carry him, and he's learned that. Now, he comes up to her, turns around, and backs up until she sits down (no matter where we are!) and he sits on her lap. They make a great pair.
I LOVE this picture! My mom is so often behind the camera, but lucky for us, Dekker knows it. He always comes up to my mom to see the picture once its been taken (or while she’s trying to take it.) Since she’s had her surgery, she’s not allowed to carry him, and he’s learned that. Now, he comes up to her, turns around, and backs up until she sits down (no matter where we are!) and he sits on her lap. They make a great pair.

It really was a beautiful time away. I would do the exact trip over again, knowing exactly how it would go. No hesitation. I love my family.

And I love being home. I miss my bathtub.

A Better Day

Today was a huge improvement for Dekker! I felt such relief, finally.

I did have a somewhat rough night. The bed here is quite a bit harder than our bed at home and it seems my hips are paying a decent price, but its worth it of course. I very much woke up on the wrong side of the bed, with an achy body, a noisy child, contractions, a headache, etc. Not a happy camper. But I got up and got moving and essentially got over it. And it worked.

But Dekker. I am so proud of him today. His communication went up like crazy! When he got overwhelmed and would start to get worked up, he’d come over and reach. I would ask if he’d like to go for a walk, and he’d get very excited. So I’d take his hand and we’d go for a walk around the courtyard and return to the condo in better spirits. I loved this development.

After a day of playing by the pool and eating waaay too much food, we headed into town for ice cream. Can’t get enough cookie dough these days! I shared with Dekker and again, when the crowd got too big, we went to sit on a bench together for a breather. At that moment, he pointed to some gravel trucks and remarked “car!” More than once. I love it when he talks. So proud.

My best memory of today was after ice cream. We drove to the nearby marina and walked along the water. We were unprepared and it was sooo windy, so Brady held Dekker the whole time in an effort to keep him warm. And that little boy did sooo well! He was completely sugared up, and just playing and falling backwards and asking for tickles and kisses, and just being super interactive! It was past his bedtime and these days he is absolutely finished by our usual time, but he just soaked in the air and attention. I can’t wait to put up a photo post, but that is likely a few days away still. Anyway, Deks was completely glazed as soon as we got in the car. He was covered in ice cream and drool, and he was super windblown. He looked awesome. I love him.

After the little boys all went down, we had a bit more of a chat and then headed off to bed. I am so ready for the comfort of a bed and some tv. Home tomorrow!

Quiet Time

Today was a hard day for me. I’m struggling pretty hard with Dekker and the fact that he too is struggling. He is very overwhelmed by the crowd of us, and it breaks my heart that he can’t enjoy it the way I wish he would. He gets so worked up so fast, and he has been acting out like crazy. Waaay more than at home! When we pull him into a side room to have a talk with him, he seems relieved. I’m seeing that he needs quiet time, but it breaks my heart. I want him to love my family as much as I do! And while I’m confident he loves each and every member, he thrives on a one on one basis.

The majority of the family went to go check out a nearby attraction so I stayed back with Dekker, and my brother and sister in law, and their boys who were going to nap. For a while we were in separate condos so I was just with Dekker. At one point he asked to come up, so I pulled him on my lap and he rested his head on my shoulder. These cuddles are few and far between so I just rubbed his back and tried not to disrupt him. A moment later he dropped his toy. I asked him if I should get it back for him and he didn’t even move. I grabbed my phone and turned on the camera to face me and was met with my squishy-faced boy, fast asleep. I think its been roughly 1.5 years since Dekker fell asleep on me. I have some great pictures but they’re not on my laptop yet. I’ll do a photo post when we get home. Anyway, Dekker slept on me for about 45 minutes, then randomly perked up and was good to go! He did great for the rest of the day. Brady took him for a chunk in the evening on his own while I sat by the pool and with my feet in the hottub with my siblings, and just had a break. It was sooo nice! Brady and Dekker came for a visit, and went for a walk together on the boardwalk. He seemed to do awesome having some quiet time again.

He was more than wiped out by 8pm, however, so he went to bed and while I type, he still hasn’t made a sound, 3.5 hours later. It was a solid day, and its now time for a solid couple of episodes of My Name is Earl, and then sleeping! Hopefully my sunburn from yesterday hurts less tomorrow! My feet are killing me, they’re so tight! And who knew underwear could hurt so bad!

So. Burned.

Once again I find myself posting late and exhausted. Not to mention we are sharing a room with Dekker and he has been sleeping very lightly. I can only imagine the ticking keys aren’t helping. I promise, soon there will be a more thorough post. But not tonight.

Brady and I are both sunburned like crazy, and Dekkers arms are a little red too. We had a great day but Deks is struggling pretty hard just being in such a large crowd so constantly I think. It makes me sad but everyone gets it and no one takes it personally.

Dekkers chatting again. Really time to get off the laptop. Really hoping that while we’re here, no one breaks into our house, and that our grass and weeds don’t grow. I can dream.