In case you missed it, I was very discouraged yesterday. I’ll be honest. I’m still pretty bummed out today.

My frustration yesterday I chose to channel into work. I did lots of laundry and moped around until the day was finally over. In preparation for another crusty day, I made a list of jobs to do today.

And then I got a very encouraging text this morning that suggested I rather do things I enjoy. Eat things I’m super hungry for, watch a movie that I love, something like that. I thought that was likely a much better use of my time! Around that same time, my mom emailed me and said she was heading to the city, and asked if she needed anything. So I elected to accompany her and get my nails done somewhere along the way. It was a good decision 🙂 My loving husband supported it completely. He stayed home with Dekker and did a few of the jobs off of my list. He stripped the other half of Dekkers diapers, fixed our sit and stand stroller so it fits our car seat better, called SGI, and rebooked Dekker’s eye appointment from Halloween to a week later. While he was working, I was taken out for lunch, had my nails done, and did some shopping with my mom. I may have bought the 6th season of Big Bang Theory from Costco.

I came home around 6:30 and Brady and I played with Dekker for a good while. I then chatted on the phone with my girlfriend until Deks went to bed. He’s now asleep and my supper is in the oven. I love eating supper in the bathtub 🙂 I know its nerdy but its sooo comforting! Maybe people who don’t have a soak every single day won’t get it, or be coordinated enough for it, but its probably something everyone should at least try!

Tomorrow is baby girls due date. I’m not holding my breath. But again, prayers would be muchly appreciated! I have made an effort this entire pregnancy to keep a cool head and trust God to care for my daughter, but in all honesty, this entire last nine months of my life has sadly been laced with anxiety. Is it time to have my sweet little baby laid on my chest, breathing, crying, with her messy hair and funny boingy arms.

I love her.

 

Going into my appointment today, I was making a big effort to stay calm and not anticipate the worst case scenario. I wasn’t going anywhere too scary in my head. Baby’s movement is still great, which calms my heart every morning when I jiggle my belly around in an effort to wake her up. The scenario i had in my head was being told I had not made an progress since my appointment last week. I was so sure last Thursday was the day. I was sick all day. To be blunt, I had mad diarrhea five times that day. C’mon, some people get that massive clean out before they have a baby, right? But then nothing. So last night, when I started getting the same kind of “sick” I was optimistic to go into todays appointment having made big progress. So my worst case scenario was that I hadn’t.

I don’t know if its even possible, or perhaps my doctor made an error last week, but it would appear I am not as “changed” as we thought. I went from 90% effaced to 50%. I went from 1-2 cms to just about 1 cm. I elected to have a membrane sweep, which she did, and now we keep waiting. I’ve been sick on and off all day, yet clearly that can mean absolutely nothing.

I left the appointment so discouraged. This is probably my most discouraging day yet. And I know I’m being a drama queen! I mean, its not even my due date! What right do I have to be so antsy to just deliver her?? I wasn’t eager this way at all with Dekker. I mean of course I wanted to meet him, but when my due date came and went I wasn’t upset! I was comfortable and loving the pregnant thing. I suppose I feel this way this time mostly because I’m hurting so badly. Add some poop to that and I’m flat out grumpy. I’m so crusty these days, I’m amazed I still have friends. Why do you guys even still read this?! Its not exactly a relaxing read anymore. My anxiety is building, and I know it reads out pretty clearly here. Thanks to those of you who read loyally and care about my situation regardless of my attitude.

After our visit to Saskatoon, we headed home and put Dekker down for a nap. I was pretty cranky and didn’t want to do anything with anyone. I settled for putting in a load of laundry and then laying in bed watching some Netflix. As the evening dragged on, I remained grumpy and antisocial while I learned how to strip our cloth diapers. First half – almost done. The rest will happen tomorrow. Some people stress clean. I anxiety-launder, apparently.

SO! For a POSITIVE aspect of this post…

Our front tree is gorgeous right now. We have a decent amount of mature trees in our yard. I haven’t always liked them, as there are not two alike it seems. It appears they were planted very haphazardly and without any rhyme or reason. However, our front tree is always gorgeous, and has completely skyrocketed in the last couple of years. Its huge, and its just started dropping yellow leaves everywhere. Its so pretty.

Another thing I just want to throw out there is a guess for baby girl. Any wagers on her weight? No, we don’t want to do some monetary bet or anything, just curious. I guessed Dekker would be 9 lbs and I was sooo wrong! I’m just curious what others think 🙂 Pertinent info (that I can think of anyways) is as follows:

Dekker weighed 10lbs 10oz
I weighed 8lbs 14oz
Brady weighed 6lbs 7oz

I have gained 36 lbs this pregnancy
I gained 45 with Dekker’s pregnancy

At 35 weeks, an ultrasound guessed babys weight to be around 6lbs 3oz

Aaaaand GO!

Sleep tight everyone. Please keep the prayers coming. We are anxious and heavy hearted over here, trying pretty hard to keep brave faces on. We are greatly anticipating the arrival of our (as said by my mom) little pinky pink girl, all new and delicious.

Bradys early mornings and ridiculously hard work has paid off. He is done finishing the house he started yesterday! Which means he is FREE from work until after the baby comes 😀

As for the little Miss, I’m wondering if everyone prayed, maybe she would just come a little quicker. Behold – things I never thought I would have to worry about.

-Clothing. I am coming in well under the amount of weight I gained with Dekker. However, I had comfortable fitting clothing throughout my entire pregnancy. This time, I am smaller and do not fit a blessed thing. Seriously. If you see me out and about, even in the city or visiting somewhere, I am in sweats. I have officially given up.

-Specifically, bras. I have to choose between wearing a bra and breathing. Even a well-fitting bra is too much of a restriction on my ribs, and I just can’t do it.

-Food. I am the LEAST comfortable all day after I’ve freshly eaten. Everything is so jumbled up in there, it takes food forever to make its way down where it needs to be. Therefore, it stays up high for way too long, causing nausea, reflux, and just general discomfort. After I eat, I need to lay down on my side and give my body a break. My ribs feel like they’re gonna just snap one of these days.

-Peeing. This is a new one for me actually, on two different levels. Firstly, I never once sneezed and peed with Dekker’s pregnancy. I laughed at those people. Now I laugh at me, but usually not in the moment. No one likes peeing their pants. On the other angle, its virtually impossible to pee completely! I have to sit on the toilet in weird positions to actually get it all out. This is not the most flexible I’ve ever been by any means, and its hard to just fold myself in half while sitting on the toilet. Hmmm…that one was maybe a bit too much info.

I shouldn’t complain. Soon it will be done and I’ll probably even miss being pregnant. There is something different about feeling the baby move in your arms vs in your body. Or listening to babys heartbeat on the doppler instead of trying to lay your head on her chest. Both are wonderful, and of course in person is amazing, but its different and those things can only be experienced while pregnant. Its hard to explain. But I know her birth is near. I’m due on Saturday, so I’m just shy of 40 weeks. If I go as overdue as they’ll let me, it will be about two weeks from today. I could do two more weeks.

Buuuuut I’d rather not. If all my praying friends could throw out some prayers for us tonight, we’d really appreciate it! This is the first day in about a week that I’ve had some good solid painful contractions, so I’d love it if they’d pick up and get things moving!

I have a chiropractic appointment tomorrow, as well as a prenatal. I think they’d both understand if suddenly I just went into labor instead.

Brady is finishing a house in Dalmeny, as I mentioned in an earlier post. It became available to him this morning. It is Tuesday. I’m due on Saturday. Its nerve wrackingly close. So when my mom suggested Dekker and I spend today out at her place and she’ll make hot lunch and supper for everyone, we said YES! Brady arrived at his jobsite shortly after 6am. He stopped briefly for both lunch and supper and finished up his day around 7:30pm. We made the same arrangement for tomorrow but hopefully the workday will be much shorter. Today needed to be the long one in case I decide to go into labor tomorrow. Since I obviously have control over all of that…

Dekker and I only arrived in Dalmeny after noon. We ate lunch and once Brady left, we headed out on a playdate with a couple of my girlfriends. I have to say here, to haunt my son forever, that he is completely terrified of little girls 🙂 It was funny, actually. He sat on my lap almost the whole time and just watched them lightly beat on each other. I’m fine with it. Be scared of girls until you’re at least 16, as far as I’m concerned!

We stayed til about 4pm, when I brought Dekker back to my parents for a nap. He slept solid until about 7pm, when I got him up, changed a suuuper yucky poop, and fed him supper. He was so eager to just be free and play that he wasn’t especially interested in supper, but its fun to see his obedience grow! He definitely feeds himself, but not when he’s distracted. I would have a bite on a fork and would ask him to have a bite, to which he would shake his head. I would just nod back at him and he would open his mouth and take the bite. Not every disagreement runs that smoothly but I’m thankful when they do! So he ate almost his whole bowl of supper, then wolfed down a bunch of watermelon before saying “all done” and being released to go play toys.

He played until after 9pm when we finally took him home. He is completely silent in his room now, and honestly, Brady and I are fairly silent as well. He is exhausted, and zoned out playing some cell phone games while I blog. Diapers are running through the wash and after this, we have to online shop! We have some “super cash” from Old Navy that we have to use by tomorrow, so hopefully we’ll pick some good stuff with our tired minds.

It was a really good day, and we’ve opted to have relatively the same day tomorrow. Maybe just less work and more play. Or labor. All of the above would be welcomed. Our little girl would certainly be welcomed.

Ok, shopping it is. And a snack. I swear, I’ve had a popcorn kernel or something in the back of my throat for DAYS that I just can’t get rid of! Just keep eating…

The title is optimistic. I’m sincerely hoping that one of these days, our baby girl will come, and we will no longer be able to have long errand days. At least not for a while. Although I’ll probably feel sooo much better physically once she’s out. Yes, certain parts of me will be suffering I’m sure, but the whole thing about not being able to breathe, my legs ripping apart from my pelvis, and the horrible, horrible reflux will be things of the past. I could handle that.

I have been feeling really uncomfortable and I realized that I need to book an appointment with my chiropractor very soon. Tuesday will have been a week since my last appointment and I’m pretty sure thats fairly ambitious for me at this point. So I called right when the clinic opened to ask for an appointment. Aaand Dr. Mike wasn’t in today 🙁 This was actually quite a hit, since today was our planned Saskatoon day, and Brady has two FULL days of work Tuesday and Wednesday, where he’s actually going to work from stupid o’clock in the morning until far into the evening. Thursday is my next doctors appointment if I make it that far, which is entirely possible, but it seems a little nerve wracking to be booking things that close to baby day. I’m just rambling. Either way, today was sort of the ideal day for a treatment and I couldn’t get one 🙁 So I was very good and wore the support belt all day.

We got into the city later than expected and made a couple of stops on the north end really quickly. Brady needed staples for subfloor tomorrow, and we needed to buy Dekker more patches from City Hospital. Once we got both of those done and done, we crossed the city and met up with a woman who sold us four sets of jammies (pants and shirts) for $5 together. We’re thinking Deks won’t like sleepers as much this winter and he loved to not be fully dressed, so we’ve been looking for sets of jammies like this and have had trouble finding ones we like. We got a set for his birthday that we like that are all fleecy and nice for winter, but other than that we have two pairs of jammie pants and thats it. So he is now officially stocked up on PJs for suuuper cheap!

I just have to add this van in here. At a red light, I noticed this van.

Not only does this guy provide “all woodwork,” as well as “any custom wood work.” He also installs HARwood. Thats a rough advertisement, bud.

We did a bit of jogging around from there, and because I was so happy to get our list completely crossed off, I deleted it off my phone and therefore I have no idea where we all went. I know we went to Home Depot for Brady to get some work stuff, and I was most excited about Walmart, where I picked up some beautiful new yarn! I bought one ball of it last week just because I needed white and it felt a bit softer than the stuff I normally buy, and it was sooo great to work with, I used it all up already! So I bought two more balls of white, one of charcoal, and one great deep/bright purple. I’m so excited to make…something anyway! We picked up groceries and a few other randoms before heading out. We dropped in on Hailey and her kids before leaving the city, and just had a quick half hour visit before taking off again. We like to get together with them as often as we can and I guess knowing that soon we’ll be a little more housebound gives us the motivation to just text and drop in as often as we can!

We drove to Dalmeny at he very end of it all so that I could drop off some eye drops at my moms and Brady could go do a walk-through of the house he’s going to start tomorrow. Our friends are building and asked Brady to be their finisher, so Brady has never seen the finished product before, being that its being built by a builder thats unfamiliar to him. So whiel he took a look around and planned the shelving, Dekker and I played at my parents house and lets be honest, he completely trashed the place in the 45 minutes we were there. But he was happy to be free from his carseat or from a cart! He was sooo tired all day but wouldn’t sleep, so he had been a little “unreasonable” at times. It was nice to see him happy.

He was pretty sad to leave but was sleeping within moments. We got home too close to bedtime to let him nap, unfortunately. So he ate a pretty small supper and played until bedtime, and I did three loads of laundry!! He was pretty moody but did well considering his full day. It is no secret that my boy needs his sleep, and I know there are people in my life who think we put him to bed too much or too early or what have you. But I know my kid. And putting him down at the end of a day where he has napped is completely different than if he hasn’t napped. The kid can nap until he’s in school. It just works for us. He’s not ready to lose the nap and I’m not about to encourage him not to nap! Works for us.

On that note, baby boy is in bed and Brady and I are sooo hungry! Evenings like these never actually leave us the freedom to eat, so we have supper after Deks is in bed. I’m at the point where I don’t even care what we eat. Just feed me!

Pizza… Onion rings??

This morning Dekker woke up before 8:00am. I know, moms. “Psh! Thats not early! Come spend a day with my kid!” Ok, well, come spend a day with mine and then try to get up before 8am. Its hard. 

Now when I say he woke up, I mean he woke up with a vengeance. WAILING! Brady and I chatted about how this would affect our day. He wouldn’t sit well through church, since it began at 10:45 and he’d go into it tired. Plus, our church had a lunch planned afterward and we’d FOR SURE not make it through that! So we decided to spend the morning at home and invite my parents over for the day. They were on board, but opted to go to church and lunch first, before they came over for the afternoon, supper, and the evening. It actually played out perfectly. We watched a movie in the morning with Dekker (yup, this is how he watches tv)

while he played, and we ate all morning basically. Deks went down for a nap around 2:00 and twenty minutes later my parents were on their way. So we had some nice time to visit and show them around to see all the preparations we’ve made for baby girl to come home. 

Brady was an extra amazing husband tonight and made supper for all of us. He made us a favorite of ours – baked chicken spaghetti. The chicken breasts we bought were huge and we only used two for the entire casserole! They were about 1.5″ thick!

It was ridiculously delicious and I definitely ate enough for two adults. But it was amazing. However, I am the furthest from comfortable after I eat. Or after I overeat. So it was almost impossible to be in a sitting position. I decided to be in my bedroom just so I could lay down and give my ribs and back a break from holding up my tummy. Luckily, my mom came and hung out with me in there. Dekker came and dropped in for visits as well, with books, cars, and all kinds of toys. When it was bedtime, everyone came into our room and played with Dekker while he jumped around and laughed hysterically. My mom sang him songs and then he would lay completely still.

It was VERY sad when it was time to actually go to bed. Lots of crying for the poor boy. But I get that. He’d rater be up playing with his grandparents. It’ll happen again soon, little boy.

Now our house is quiet and our guests are gone. We whipped up a batch of cookie dough for a treat, and realized we must have halfed the recipe because we got waaay more than we were bargaining for!!!

But I am sooo looking forward to cookies and milk in the tub! In fact, goodbye everyone.

Since baby girl hasn’t made her official arrival yet, she joined Hailey and I on our date tonight. We left all our boys at their respective homes and went out for some solid girl time. I haven’t felt many contractions since Thursday so I was feeling somewhat healthy, and put together. I got dressed in clothes that fit, and put on makeup. It was a good day to go out!

We started at the mall to hit up Bath & Body Works. Hailey hadn’t been to the new location here yet so we hit that up for a few things. Their candles were buy one get one free so I purchased two of the massive 3-wick ones. Also, I had a coupon that gave me a free item if I spent more than $10, which I obviously did, so I got a bottle of the triple moisturizing lotion. That stuff is solid, and we use it on my legs every night since my skin has been sooo dry since getting pregnant. The scent is called “Beautiful Day.” I bought it mostly because it was pretty and made me feel positive, but the smell is light and fruity and I like it. So I picked up some big quality stuff for $22. Good haul.

From the mall, we headed for supper. We opted for Montana’s, since it was close and is always super delicious. I ordered my usual – baked chicken penne – and demolished it in no time. I’ve gotten in trouble with that dish before, when I was pregnant with Dekker. I ate the entire serving, and proceeded to be sick to my stomach for a good couple of hours afterwards. This far into pregnancy, there is only so much room for food! But its sooo yummy, there is no way to leave anything over! Luckily, this time I didn’t get sick at all. Win!

Our night didn’t stop there. We went downtown to the theatre to catch a movie. We couldn’t find parking for a little while but finally did, and sat in the vehicle and chatted for a good while. When we did opt to go into the theatre, Hailey paid for our tickets PLUS drinks and a HUGE popcorn out of points!! It was such a treat, as I so rarely get to a movie anymore, much less a movie at Galaxy! So we ate a second supper of popcorn and watched “We’re the Millers” which was completely hysterical. Crude, yes. But suuuper funny! The perfect movie for a girls night out. When we left the theatre, we both had to pee super badly but for some reason opted out of the theatre bathrooms. All the more reason to stop at Tim Hortons on the way back.

Yay for a MUCH needed pee break. There was a yucky bug in Haileys bathroom stall. Wish I had a picture. That thing was horrifying. I wouldn’t have been able to pee in there next to that thing. Just had to add that in here for good measure 😉

Drinks in hand, we headed to Hailey’s house. She handed me this massive gift bag and, being the disciplined person that I am (not) I opened it all up right there in her living room. And all of a sudden, my darling daughter has twice as many clothes as she had this morning. We were showered in gifts of sleepers, diaper shirts, leggings, dresses, and even items that are specifically for next summer. Sooo many of the items I have seen in the recent past and ached while I passed them up, trying to be responsible. I’m so glad Hailey and I have the same taste in clothes 🙂 I literally loved every single item!

I am now home. Didn’t see one deer on the drive, which is always a relief. I am full to the brim with no room for a snack, and I am so ready to cuddle into bed and watch some mindless TV and fall asleep. I really enjoyed my day and my body is tired.

Love you, Hailey dear! Thanks for my last night out for a while!

I slept like a rock last night, minus one random “bathroom adventure” around 5am. But when we both woke up, we were rested and felt good. Both of us. We had croissants this morning, plus I had some chicken broth. I’m definitely still scared of food today, and my body can tell. Its scared too, I think. Any tummy gurgle makes me nervous. But honestly, I survived the day with very little stomach upset and no contractions. A few braxton hicks, but thats nothing new. I probably felt better today than I’ve felt in quite a while, except for my pelvis. That thing pops in and out like its not even attached to someone! It hurts and what makes it worse probably is that its LOUD! Every grinding sound makes me feel sick to my stomach. Gross. I don’t want to think about it.

So as I said, for breakfast, I had some croissants and soup. I got my pills down no problem, and the iron hasn’t upset my tummy at all. My lunch was also soup – leftover tomato soup and crackers. I drank pineapple juice with a bit of Sprite in it, which was SUPER delicious! And for supper, we had mashed potatoes with cheese, and chicken strips. So no, nothing overly healthy but I ate, which is good. And I ate safe-zone, soothing things. And I drank tons!

My mixed emotions come into play around the way I physically feel. I was sooo not mentally ready to delivery a baby yesterday, but feeling so awful, I had worked all day to get to that place in my mind. I had talked to my sisters and my mom on the phone, a few people over texting, and even a few people were Facebook messaging me encouragements. Yet, what was up with me yesterday?? Stomach flu?! It doesn’t seem fair. However!!!…I feel so much better today. I knew that if I went into labor today, I would be in much better condition to push her out, and at peace with the concept of labor, and the pain that comes with it. I’ve said many times that I loved labouring with Dekker. I’m sure lots of you are thinking “Sure you did, just ask Brady” or “Women don’t remember labour the way it was, they just remember having their baby in their arms.” I suppose a bunch of that is true, but the anticipation was positive in my mind while I laboured. I wasn’t furious or confused or out of control. I was just going through the motions as calmly as possible so Dekker would with us as soon as possible. I WANT those same feelings and yesterday, I wouldn’t have had them. Of course I would have anticipated baby girls birth, but I think I would have feel more anxiety tied to the lack of control that I really have in a labour and delivery situation. I would have been quicker to panic. So I’m THRILLED that I’m in a better frame of mind today, but I suppose I’m a little embarrassed that I was so wrong. I’m also bummed that it WASN’T yesterday because I worked sooo hard to be ok with that! And now, its the next day and I haven’t had one sign of labour. Sigh. Lots going on in my head.

But!!… positivity! Since I was feeling better today, we got a bit more done around the house. We rearranged our bedroom to declutter one area so baby stuff fit better. We moved the recliner from the kids room into our room and cleaned the floors. Brady mowed the lawn while I dozed a bit in the afternoon. Dekker is on the verge of a cold and isn’t always the friendliest of company, so he actually ended up sleeping most of the afternoon away. It was quiet but productive. Another positive about not having baby girl today is that my plan for a girls night out tomorrow night is still on! Hailey and I are going to shop a little, then have dinner, and who knows what else. No real plans as of yet, but it’ll be nice to get out and be with one of my girlfriends for an evening before I’m holed up at home for a little while anyway. Baby can come whenever she pleases, but I’m not suspecting her right away here anymore. It would appear I told you all about my pooping episodes just for kicks yesterday. *shrugs* Sorry everyone! Everybody poops!

Now for nighttime. Dekkers asleep, diapers are in the washer, the bath will be run as soon as laundry is over, and I’m thinking a freezie would be a super delicious snack! I’ve been raving about onion rings all day, but I’m still a little scared of food. So I think a freezie would be a bit safer than deep-fried onions. Both delicious options.

Sleep well, everyone!

I’m going to be blunt. Today was a really, really difficult day for me. Probably for my whole little family. This blog post is not for the squeamish or just people who don’t want to know the yucky stuff. You’ve been warned.

Starting last night, I was nauseous. I couldn’t stomach much of my supper at all. I had the same issue with breakfast. I got down about half a bagel before I was confident that I was about to puke. Brady rushed to get me a bucket to barf into, and I thought he wouldn’t make it to me in time. However, I sat very still and didn’t end up barfing. I decided to wait it out in the bathroom since I was feeling somewhat “unpredictable,” we’ll say. From that safe haven, I took the biggest poop of my life. Somehow, this relieved some of my nausea, but not nearly enough to calm me. Plus I was having WILD cramping and pain. Brady ran me a tub and I called health line. The nurse who took my call was very glad I had a prenatal appointment scheduled today but basically said that if I was experiencing stomach flu or anything like that, at this stage in the game, I am not allowed to really take anything for it. However, sometimes labor manifests itself this way in the beginning, or in the days leading up to it. So right off the bat, I had absolutely no idea what to think. Doesn’t that just bring a sense of comfort? No. It does not.

I made it to my appointment in time. I was really nervous to be in the car for fear of barfing at an inopportune time. But we made it! I was relieved when she came in and casually asked how we were all doing. I’m amazed I didn’t cry. I burst out into a big story of how sick I was feeling. Meanwhile, I vented about the situation with Dekkers eyes, and the fact that there was blood in his poop last night. Everything was sooo overwhelming! My lovely doctor looked so sympathetic and said “Well, those few things with Dekker would be enough to make a mother feel sick!” She’s right. So, being exactly who she is, she did a full once-over of Dekker and even checked his poor bum. We made a plan on that, but she isn’t too terribly worried about it. Of course, if it were to ever happen again, we’d go further with it and refer him somewhere but if I don’t have to put my son under and have a rectal scope, I won’t. The kid has had enough! When he was all finished, she completed my appointment. I had been tossing around the idea of a membrane strip and was really thinking I would go for it until this morning when I started feeling so awful. I asked her to check me anyway, just to see if things were progressing at all. I was really excited to learn that I was almost completely effaced!!! I’m dilated 1-2cm which doesn’t really mean a whole lot, and maybe the effacement doesn’t either, but it is much further than I was a week or two ago, when there were no numbers to speak of. So apparently all of those changes in my cervix could also bring on the nausea and the “clean out” that I had experienced. So I opted out of the strip, as it seems things are happening on their own in decent time. Babys heart rate was good, and while my blood pressure was higher than normal for me, it was well within normal for the general population so thats good.

I didn’t have any pains while I was in the appointment so we decided to grab booster juice and attempt errands. This decision turned out to be amazing. Once we had our smoothies, Brady took Dekker into Superstore for a grocery shop so I could visit with my sister on the phone. My sister is a very wise woman and talked me down from the crazy anxious place I was going in my head. Its hard to explain, and I could probably make ten blog posts just based on our conversation, but she had some great points and ideas of how to bring myself back down to earth when I get so very worked up. I would be talking with her and suddenly I’d go off about something I was panicking about or some worst case scenario in my head. She would listen, and then bring me right into that scenario and ask me what would happen if that came true. And it was never actually that bad! Yet she also said that she knows very similar feelings of just wanting questions answers and to be in control. Its very vulnerable to not have control, and I think having a baby is one of the most unpredictable situations a person can go through. She made me feel human, which I appreciated. I love you, Caity!

We got almost every errand done! We forgot one thing but I think we can improv it here with stuff at home so we’ll try that tomorrow morning. But otherwise, we made good time, and headed to my parents house to put Dekker down for a nap. I had been having worse and worse tummy pains all afternoon. One might even say contractions. I wondered all day if I was going into labor, and then I tossed it back and forth over and over if it suited me, haha! It feels so silly to say, and I know that when a baby comes, it comes no matter what time of day it is! But I was struggling with getting past certain thoughts in my head that it would be better if she came on…Monday maybe. So much planned for this weekend for my family and my parents. It was a frustrating mind game that I played most of the day.

About a half hour after arriving at my parents, I had to leave for a waxing appointment. My mom drove me so I didn’t have to, as I was having contractions or pains of some kind. We talked a lot about the plans and how things would in fact work out if baby girl decided to come tonight, or tomorrow, or just earlier than we planned. It felt better.

I felt better until I was in my appointment. I don’t find waxing painful really at all anymore, but it was sooo uncomfortable. Contractions all over the place, barely being able to keep it together. I felt sooo out of control. When it was finally over, I booted it to their bathroom and, yet again, pooped and pooped and pooped. It was gross. Yup, grosser than the concept of me writing about it. It was horrendous. I sat and kind of reeled for a few minutes before pulling myself together and heading back out to the car. We headed home right away and I ate very little supper. I tried though! But it wouldn’t sit right, and I don’t trust my body right now. One more HUGE poo episode and I was ready to go home. Yup folks, I basically gave birth four times today. Kind of a big deal.

We’re home now. Dekker is in bed. Brady and I packed bags tonight! I have peace that we are pretty much as ready as we’re going to be for when baby girl chooses to arrive. But I did have a big cry on the drive home.

I feel so silly. I hate not knowing whats happening. This whole day I was gearing up for labor. I was psyched up for the concept and trying to come to terms with the fact that it was coming, and I felt like total garbage but it was going to be amazing in the end. And now, what?? I just had an upset tummy?! Or is it really time soon and my body is purging and preparing? I know that happens to some people anyway. I know this is common when people go into labor (or don’t go into labor) but my labor with Dekker began and ended in the hospital. It was controlled and level and I can genuinely say I LOVED being in labor with Dekker! I was thrilled and my anticipation was through the roof. But I fear that if I went into active labor tonight, I would disappoint myself. I don’t think I would labor the way I want to. I feel like I am not stable enough today to do a good job. I think I would cry a lot and flake out and panic, instead of keeping a level head, breathing, and working through each contraction one by one. I want to be open and honest on here, but I feel a little bit wacky.

This is not even close to eloquent so I’m going to be done for the night. Thank you, readers, for putting up with my crazy. And my poop stories. Those are certainly not for everyone, but they are, in fact, what happened to me today! I’ll do my best to keep you all in the loop as much as possible. If my praying friends would pray, this little soon-to-be family of four would really appreciate it! We are officially bushed.

I don’t know how many of you read from Facebook or don’t, but as I posted on my status earlier today, we put Dekker to bed last night at 7pm. A full hour earlier than usual. And worst of all, it was by accident!!! So that felt awful, but Brady and I were exhausted and dozing off by 9:30! So we kept ourselves awake until after 10pm and then gave in to sleep. We woke up after 8:00 the next morning and Dekker was still out. So we had a delicious breakfast of croissants and chocolate milk in bed! I’m hoping for round two tomorrow. At least of the chocolate milk. I’ve been drinking that stuff like its going out of style!

Almost our entire day was spent relaxing. We watched a movie and tidied up the basement just in time for Dekker to tear it apart again. But I actually really like it when he makes a mess at this point, since its sooo rare! Its nice to see him let loose once in a while. As for things I accomplished, the list is short. Dishes, washing bottles, stuffing diapers. I also got started on putting together a few things for Dekkers overnight stuff for when we are in the hospital having baby girl and he is hanging out with my parents for a night or two. Basically just a few snacks and shirts in a bag, but it counts. Lastly, I crocheted a pair of boots for baby girl to wear home. Not sure if she’ll actually wear them or not but they’re cute anyway.

I know, who planned the white boots on the white table?? Not me, thats for sure…

Besides that, our day was completely comfy and a little bit lazy. We spent the last hour of our day with Dekker in the bathtub. He still hates getting in but he’s adjusting a bit more to being in there for a period of time, which helps. He has new bath toys from his birthday and had a BLAST with his new “shaving kit,” shaving daddys face, Dekkers face, and mommys legs. (*Sidenote: He’s rarely witnessed Brady shave and I wax my legs, so where he picks these things up, I do not know!) When he was done in the tub, legs free of all pen marks, he got all dried, lotioned, brushed, and then came to play on the bed for a few minutes before he had to go to his own bed. Its sad. He’s reached the age of really wanting to stay up and play longer instead of LOVING bedtime like he did for, well, just about two solid years! But I know he’ll get used to it more. Eventually we all just learn to accept things, even if they’re not our favorite things. Reality bites, little buddy.

We have come to the realization that, yet again, we haven’t had supper. So the ground beef is browning up and I’m thinking either spaghetti or stroganoff will be sooo delicious right before bed! Now to decide which one.

I’m thinking its only logical to count supper as our bedtime snack, right?