What Came in the Mail? (and a bit about Laela)

I realized recently that I never made you guys aware of the fact that I caught up on savings my blog books! I DID! I saved all the way up to 2017, and have even begun to save the blogs I’ve posted this year. On our Calgary trip a couple of weeks ago, I ordered them.

And they arrived today!!!!

Isn’t that exciting?? I’m SO happy to have them all on hand!! I was hoping to take a nice picture of them where they’ll live, up in my room, on top of my dresser, tucked between a purple lantern Dekker “bought” for me at Ikea, and a stuffed animal that was gifted to baby Theo at Christmas before we knew he was gone. Its going to be a pretty lovely set up when it comes together, but for the moment, our room is being used to store some things that can’t live in the basement or the garage :/ Yay for tubs taking up 50% of our space. BUT! I’m so so happy the rest of my blog books have arrived! It feels like a goal has been met, or accomplished, or whatever you want to say. It feels GOOD. That’s 4.5 years of our lives all recorded and waiting for someone to maybe pick them up one day, just to see how time was spent. It was spent rich in love, I can tell you that. ‘Tis a good day.

On an unrelated note, I received a couple of really sweet messages yesterday, congratulating Laela on her wicked potty training skills. I passed them all on to her, I promise you that, and she was SO thrilled! Just beamed with pride. I even snuck into her room after bedtime to tell her some of them 😉 It was a huge encouragement to her, so thank you for caring enough to actually send a message or leave a comment. As for today, it started strong here at home. She had used her nighttime pull-up pretty well, lol, but it wasn’t as full as yesterdays, so I’ll take it! During our successful morning, we were spontaneously invited out to a friends house for a cozy pj play date, which we jumped at. We were out from mid morning until around 4:00-ish, and Laela didn’t have a single accident!!! She actually used the toilet tons while we were there, and was showered with so many potty treats! I was thoroughly amazed, honestly. I packed her a few pull up sin the diaper bag, as well as a couple extra pairs of panties, none of which we touched, because she just killed it!!! I’m SO impressed. Like blown away. She even pooped there! Multiple times! Without too much “potty talk,” I figured she’d save them up and either go a bit crazy when she got home, or wait until she was in a pull up for bedtime, but she didn’t hold back for a second, and was TOTALLY successful. GO LAELA!!

When we got home, I quickly jumped on the phone to run a date and time of babysitting by my mom, and when I got off the phone, Laela was in the bathroom, putting her pants back on. I asked what happened, and she told me she had pooped. All on her own. And wiped. I did a quick poop check and while I helped her out just a bit extra, she had done amaaazingly well on her own! I can’t believe I had a little self-starter on my hands! I didn’t think these kids actually existed!

She Decided

You probably remember that I was feeling a bit overwhelmed going into this week. I wanted to schedule a few things into it that weren’t already part of it, and I wanted to have a bit of downtime, too. On top of all of that, Laela made a big decision about this week. She decided she wanted to potty train.

If you can think that far back, Laela decided she wanted to potty train once before. She boycotted diapers, wanted to wear underwear, and sit on the toilet. But she picked the worst time! Family was out visiting, and we were almost never at home over that span of time, so she was constantly running around, busy with people she rarely sees, and in a pull up, for obvious reasons. It just fell flat. We “tried” for a week and she had two successful pees on the toilet. So we put the pull ups away, went back to diapers, and didn’t really talk about it. She wasn’t disappointed. I think she just knew it wasn’t working.

The last thing I wanted to do this week was potty train my daughter. I just don’t have it in me. Thankfully, she does! She took initiative and told me she didn’t want to wear diapers anymore. So a couple of days ago, instead of changing her diaper, I just took it off and left her in jammie pants. She had an accident, which was fine. I put her in panties (I HATE the word “panties” but she loves it, so just let it be, haha!) and we went on with our day. She had a successful pee on the toilet, which was AWESOME! Soon after, we had to go to the city to get Dekker’s glasses. On went the pull up, and naturally, Laela peed in it while we were out and about, which I didn’t fault her for. Because, again, I don’t want to potty train right now, haha! So instead of some three day potty training bootcamp, I’m just letting her do her thing. We put her in a pull up overnight, and started fresh in the morning.

Same story in the morning. I left her just in jammie pants, and she had an accident. When I put her in panties, she commented on how much she liked them, and said “I don’t want to pee in these.” So I think thats part of what’s going to make this work.

Yesterday, Laela peed in the toilet four times, and even pooped in it as well! HUGE successes! It was such a great day for her. She was so proud of herself, and still is today, as are the rest of us. Dekker is a serious encourager for her, which is awesome. When she’s waiting it out and trying for a few minutes on the toilet, if I have to run to another kid or leave her for a second, he is her faithful sidekick.

Its pretty adorable, honestly.

She is not AT ALL trained overnight. Nope nope nope. But my gosh, we just started. So her pull up was nice and full this morning, but I put panties on her first thing this morning and she hasn’t had a single accident yet today! I’m SO pleased at how quickly she has learned control, and when she has to go before she goes. She is so good at it already!

I’m honestly not upset to be diapering three kids, but I’m certainly not mad that she decided to potty train herself. Hopefully she’s just saving me the trouble of trying to potty train her while I’m pregnant the next time around 🙂 One less thing to do, right?

I wish the world wasn’t an icky place and I could post all of the cute little underwear bum pictures I have of her, but sadly, the internet isn’t a very safe place for stuff like that :/ But she’s so happy and cute and grown up, and deserves all of the praise we can give her for doing a big girl thing all on her own!!!

Laela Hazel, you ROCK at potty training! I’m SO thrilled that you’re working so hard at it, and succeeding!! You are one determined little girl, and I love to see that paired with your happy heart and silly giggles. I love you so much, sweetheart!

Does Ro Get a Blanket for Bed?

The other day, I wrote about Rowan, and how he had begun chewing on his big blanket. I was SO discouraged. Sure enough, it was the same story after his nap. His blanket was wet and had clearly been chewed in a few different spots.

I asked you guys for advice, and you offered up a lot! It was all positive and non-judgemental, which I really appreciated. I’ll likely go forward with a thing or two after Rowan’s doctors appointment next week. He’s not going in specifically for this, just his two year check, and Solly has a check at the same time. But I’m looking forward to running this stuff by my doctor!

That evening, I was feeling wiped out and discouraged, and Brady offered me a break, to go be upstairs for a bit and he would take care of bedtime on his own. I readily accepted. The kids ran up to our room and smothered me in hugs and kisses before actually tucking in for the night. From my spot upstairs, bedtime sounded completely normal. When Brady came upstairs, I asked Brady is he gave Rowan a pep talk about chewing his blanket.

Instead, Brady said, he had folded up Rowan’s blanket, put it in his closet while he watched, and said he was sorry, but that Rowan couldn’t have his blanket tonight. And Rowan said ok. And that was it.

*** To be clear, this has NEVER been presented to Ro as a punishment. EVER. He doesn’t think he’s lost his blanket because he’s in trouble, or anything like that. No grey area there.

Since that day that we discovered Rowan was chewing his big blanket, he hasn’t slept with a blanket. Not at all. He has his foxy and his pillow in his crib, and that is it. And he hasn’t complained or fussed or even asked. Its like he doesn’t even miss it! I don’t know! He’s still totally happy. He goes to bed fine, wakes up happy, and seems to be the exact same boy that he was before we stole his original comfort item. Beyond that, he even asked to sleep without his shirt last night! So perhaps his lack of blanket has opened up the door to a newfound freedom?? Lol! I’m grasping here, just hoping that I’ve not permanently damaged my spirited little boy.

Today, though, I was once again reminded why we took his blankets away when he posed for a picture.

Look at those teeth!!!! 😃 They look SO good, and SO aligned! Its just an improvement I can’t pretend isn’t there. I’m continuing to feel relief that his face is changing shape, and that the sacrifices he is having to make as a two year old are worth it.

Let’s just hope we’re not doing any irreparable damage by taking his covers…..

New Specs for Deks

A couple of weeks back, we learned Dekker’s prescription had gone up enough that it warranted a new pair of glasses. His have been so good to him, but I can tell they’re getting a bit small, and frankly, a bit banged up, so I’m not at all disappointed about getting him some new ones.

Since we first went on the hunt for glasses for Dekker almost four years ago, we’ve learned a lot. LOTS of places have a program/promotion/whatever else that provides kids lenses free, assuming you get just the basic lenses. They can be further upgraded and changed, but at the very least, most places offer about $50 off of a pair of childrens glasses.

We began at the store that we had bought Dekker’s last pair of glasses from, and surprisingly, they had greatly downsized their selection of children’s frames. They had one pair that we wrote down, but we weren’t excited, and they were too expensive to not be excited about them. So we kept moving.

We went to another place on recommendation, and they had a bit more to choose from. However, only really one pair fit well, and we could only qualify for the children’s program if we bought two pairs. It was kind of disappointing, but again, we wrote down a pair that fit pretty well, and headed out.

We were going to get lunch from there, but we drove by another optical shop that we had gone to once before, just for the strap that used to hold Dekker’s glasses on. At that point, we knew so little about glasses for kids, and they were super knowledgable and great with Dekker. So I snagged him on his own and we went in. It was a different scene there, as the children’s frames were all mixed in with the adult frames. We found some AMAZING ones though, that I would have bit the bullet on instantly if not for the hefty price tags. It was disappointing. As the woman was writing names and models down, a man who was working there also came over and picked Dekker up. Not long ago, he would have LOST IT. But he didn’t. The man showed him one of the pairs that he had picked and told him he had the same glasses. He had Dekker put them on, and he went and got his, and they joked about how they were wearing the same glasses. It was an AWESOME environment, and the glasses were SO COOL. I was pretty attached to one pair. Just seemed pretty spendy for such a young kid.

We grabbed some lunch and then headed to Superstore. We needed groceries, and we wanted to look in their optical section as well. If you didn’t know, Superstore often has this kids program that’s called “Kids See Free.” Kids can get a pair of glasses entirely free! It includes a $50 frame and basic lenses, and of course it can all be upgraded, but at a pretty reasonable price. I figured, we’d for sure get a pair at Superstore, even if they weren’t perfect, as a backup pair. But as things tend to go, we were THRILLED to find a pair of glasses for Dekker that will definitely be his daily pair! I’ll be honest and say that he wasn’t as thrilled as we were. He liked the same frames, but he liked them in blue. Brady and I went back and forth about whether it was worth it to push for the black ones, but after hemming and hawing, we decided that the blue ones just looked cheap, and the black ones looked sharp. So he wasn’t thrilled. But he will be soon, haha!

This beautiful pair of specs cost us a grand total of $30, because they were originally $80, and we got the $50 off, as I mentioned. Because they were more that the basic $50 frame, they come with more warranty, and for some reason, they’re putting the thinning treatment on them for free. Don’t ask me why. I paid a decent amount to have my glasses thinned so I wouldn’t look like a muppet, but here we are, getting that done, “just to make them a bit nicer,” the saleswoman said. I accept! What a huge win!

I’m so thrilled we found Dekker such a nice pair of glasses and are forking over a mere $30 for them, rather than the $200 I was considering at a previous store. God continues to provide.


The results are in today!!

He had a brief moment of disappointment when we told him we didn’t order him the blue ones, but he was satisfied once he saw them on. The triangular, bright blue glasses case sealed the deal, and he is a happy camper.

I’m calling this whole experience a great success!!

Our Week

This week ahead feels a bit like a big one. Brady has a very full work load, and will also be away for a chunk of the weekend. I have to squeeze a few things into our few evenings, and a few things that are already set up. Next week starts with a FULL couple of days as well, so I think I’m just feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I’ve spent the morning, however, sipping a latte and reading to/playing with the kids, while texting a dear friend in between. Its actually been a very nice time! I just miss my husband, and am feeling a bit bummed about how much time we’ll spend apart this week.

The kids and I have had a lot of adorable conversations, which has added to some positivity to my somewhat bleak attitude. Though, as seems to be our theme, we’ve already had some talk of our baby up in heaven.

Laela: When we gettin’ our baby?
Me: You mean baby Theo?
Laela: Ya! When he is coming?
Me: Remember, Laela? Baby Theo died. So he’s with Jesus in heaven. He doesn’t get to come be with us.
Laela: Oh, right. That’s too bad.
Dekker: It is too bad. I was planning on playing with him.

So was I.

So that felt a bit heavy. But as I try to say every time the kids talk about him, I’m really happy they ask, and that we can talk about him so normally. Its good not to be afraid of death, or talking about it. Open lines of communication, always.

All in all, it feels like a bit of a blah day. But I know some of that is up to me, so I have some ideas to break the days up 🙂 Wish me luck on my blah Monday!!

Getting Things Done

Brady and I stayed up far too late last night. We ate late, and then had a soak, and watched some tv. BY then, I was still pretty awake and bored, so we played tile rummy again 🙂 It was fun. I can’t wait until Solly isn’t sleeping in our room anymore, and we can just play it in there. But we played it in the living room rather, which was fun too.

Its nice to mix up our usual routine with a game. But like I said, we went to bed late, and Solly woke up twice. Thankfully, after his 6:15am feeding, he went back to bed, and therefore, so could we! It was really refreshing to get those extra couple of hours! Thanks, Solly! It gave us good energy for the day ahead.

This morning has been SO productive! We’ve done a few regular house chores, and a bit of tidying up, but we finally got to a job we’ve been anticipating!!

When we were in Calgary the other weekend, we bought a dresser to use a tv stand. We do not hope to have our tv in our living room for long, as the plan is to move it downstairs once the basement is finished, but when that time came, the dresser would switch out the one in Laela’s room. Laela’s dresser used to be our change table, but we haven’t used it to change a diaper in years. Therefore, its not the best use of space, and we thought a taller, skinnier one would suit her room better. It all made sense when we bought it. However, bringing it home, we realized the new dresser was WAY too tall to be our tv stand. Not to mention that it specifically said not to put a tv on it. We hemmed and hawed and I suggested we use Laela’s dresser as our tv stand, and just put the new dresser in her room. It wasn’t the plan we had originally, but it was the best thing we could come up with.

And it actually worked AWESOME!

Does it look a bit like a changing table in our living room? Sure, maybe a little bit. It needs new drawer knobs, but I really think that’ll do it! The top two drawers are full of dvds, the third drawer is wii games and accessories, and the bottom is diapers, wipes, and bum cream, since we change so many diapers in the living room during the day. Our wii, dvd player, and apple tv all fit great on the top of the dresser beside the tv, and so far, there is NOTHING in the little side cabinet. Besides all of the space that its given us to actually watch our movies and play vids from time to time, it also puts the tv out of reach from the curious hands. Our kids aren’t super mischievous at all, especially around something that they’re pretty used to, but I know not everyone is used to our house, so its probably better to have it a little ways up 😉 You know what I mean. We love the new set up. WAY better than the black glass tv stand that was always covered in dust, showed all of the cords, and that didn’t hold anything besides our tv.

With that being the case in our living room now, Laela has a dresser that is WAY nicer than she needs as a three year old, hahaha!

Its gorgeous. I love this line of furniture from Ikea, but had we known it wouldn’t have worked as a tv stand, we would never have bought it. We would have downgraded to something also very nice but not quite as extravagant. Maybe its nice that we didn’t know 😉 Because I love this dresser. Maybe I’ll steal it from her… (Two things! One, forgive our boxes. And two, we know, the top two drawers are super crooked. We’re in contact with Ikea, hoping they’ll send us a couple of new pieces to replace the pieces that were pre-drilled in the wrong place.)

With this whole project came a lot of running around, cleaning under furniture, moving stuff around, unpacking a few boxes, etc. It felt great to get so much done, and the kids were SO patient and excited through it all. It was awesome.

Everyone ate lunch, and the little boys went down for naps. Dekker and Laela are riding their bikes in the garage while Brady works on the garage door opener. Do you remember me lamenting about how loud our opener is? Its SO loud. Like if we run it while the kids are sleeping, they wake up. Its ridiculous. So we purchased a new one that promises to be quieter, and he’s beginning the installation this afternoon. I hope it does what it says its going to do! That would be so nice! (This is one of those things to ask your builder about when you build your house! ESPECIALLY if you have a bedroom above the garage.)

I’m currently inside, having a quiet break, and making Brady some coffee so he doesn’t freeze to death in the garage. The insulation and poly has helped immensely in there, but its still cold, and today isn’t the most balmy that it could be. The break in here is so nice 🙂 Brady gave me an hour or two to myself yesterday evening, and I went upstairs and just played with my makeup. I created a fantastic coral/rose gold eye look for spring, kind of by chance. It was so fun. Thank you, Brady, for giving me these little stretches of time away to play and discover and rest.

Its been a fun work day around here, and I don’t think its over yet! I hope you all have a great end to your Sunday!

C’mon, Rowan

I’ve been suspicious for a couple of days, but sure enough, Rowan has started chewing his big blanket 😩 I felt so cruel taking away his cuddly receiving receiving blanket, but it WORKED. You guys have all seen the enormous transformation of Rowan’s jaw and face shape. Some of you have heard the huge boost in his language, too, and how surprisingly clear he is. The cruelty was worth it, haha! But seriously, I can’t fathom taking away his other blanket 🙁 I personally could NOT sleep without a blanket. I can’t imagine my two year old having to, especially after always sleeping with one!

My guess is that maybe he’s teething. The thing is, he popped a couple of molars just the other week. Like they have fully popped. He’s not been complaining and chewing in the day at all. So I guess he could be working on his two year molars, but only at night?? I don’t know. I don’t want to just casually load him up on meds and hope he stops chewing his blanket. That doesn’t even make sense.

The only idea I can come up with is a sleep sack. I have NOTHING against sleep sacks, for the record, but I have never used them. I can’t help but think it would be a bit silly to start after he’s turned two years old. I feel like going from a blanket to a sleep sack will infuriate him, to have his legs all tied up in there. I’d hate it. But I’m at such a loss otherwise 🙁 I had to wake him up yesterday, and his blanket was SHOVED into his mouth, just like it used to be. I’m so discouraged. We cannot go back and recreate all of the damage that was done. I have to find another way.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!

Hailey and the Kids vs Costco

We needed a Costco shop pretty badly, and this morning, I thought I might take the kids and take care of it. I admit, while my kids are excellent shopping companions, I found myself a bit gun shy. I don’t think I’ve taken all four of them out on my own since we began our three month bout of sickness, which began like FIVE months ago! Its been a very long time. So I thought about it, and put it off, and then finally figured Brady and I would likely do it over the weekend anyway. We love family errand days, as you all know.

But when I chatted with Brady at 11:00, I found out he works this Saturday! I know we talked about it a while ago, but I had completely lost track of the dates, and had no idea it was tomorrow. I’ll admit it put me in a pretty crummy mood. I’m fine with Brady working some Saturdays. I remember saying I was fine with this setup. But I forgot, and it caught me off guard, and bummed me out. It also kind of kicked my “errand day” plan in the butt. So I gathered up every shred of positivity I could and told the kids we were going to head to the city for a grocery shop, directly over nap time. I know. I was asking for it.

But guys, they did awesome! I tried to take a selfie of us but it was just a total fail, haha!

I couldn’t fit us all in!! Not at all! I know I’ve made it work before, and I think I took it from above, but whatever. It was funny. They all thought so, too. And I got a good Dekker snuggle out of the deal. Can’t complain about that!

Our first stop in Costco was the electronics department. This is how that conversation went.

Excuse me, do you have phone charger cords?
For what?
uuuuuhhh, ya I think so. (stares)
Iphones? I have an iphone.
Oh, ok, ya, over here.

I don’t know, guys, I found it funny. Got that and kept moving.

We stopped at the bakery, and the kids got cookies. Can I just say, I’m so thankful that my kids aren’t as observant as I am yet. This one specific woman in the bakery area must just hate passing the cookies out. We’ve come across here in this setting before, and its always the same. My kids stand still, waiting patiently, and when she approaches, they ask “May I have a cookie, please?” She doesn’t even look at them, and passes me three cookies. I thank her, and the kids say “thank you,” and she just walks away. Never makes eye contact with them once. I don’t know. That just puts me off. If she dislikes interacting with people (or children) so obviously, have someone else do it. Whatever. I digress. The kids got gingersnaps, and were thrilled about the amount of sugar they were coated in. So we were good to go!

We picked up our bakery stuff, and our milk, and went for the few aisle things. I bought more of that passion tea concentrate, because its SO good! And I bought an unreasonable amount of ritz bits because they were on sale. We didn’t hit up too many samples, but we came across a lady with apple sauce, so we stopped for that one. As we were perusing the aisles in search of mustard (does Costco not carry mustard??) Dekker whispered to me “We should buy flowers for Laela.”

Now, Dekker asks to buy flowers for me almost every time we go to Costco. On one hand, we often tell him that we can’t, because he has to learn that he can’t just spend money frivolously, but we also LOVE that he wants to buy something for someone else, and I love the chivalry aspect of it, too. He never suggests flowers for him, and then asks for something for himself, so I think he’s catching on. But today, he asked for Laela, which was new. I agreed that we should, and he picked out a bouquet of purple tulips, which was just perfect. Springtime in her favorite color.

After we got the flowers, we headed to the till. I was wearing Solly, which makes unloading bigger, awkward things even more awkward, but thankfully, it was pretty quiet at the time, and the guy who loads carts helped me unload everything. He was completely taken by Solly, and mentioned how big he was. It surprised me a little bit, because not many men bring that sort of topic up with me. So we got to talking about how Solly was born big, and how he himself was also born big. He commented on how I was such a small woman, and asked how big my husband was. I told him my husband was juuust bigger than he was, hahaha! Conversation over. It cracked me up 🙂 But I got my stuff and the five of us headed out.

Do the Costco receipt checker guys draw on your receipts for your kids? Our kids LOVE that. Laela got to carry the receipt today, and when she handed it to the man, he crouched down and drew the smiley face so she could watch. She was excited, and squealed her “thank you” before we headed back to the van. It was sweet.

While we walked back to our vehicle, Dekker asked me completely out of the blue “How will baby Theo come to Jesus if he didn’t ask him into his heart?” It kind of thrilled my soul and broke my heart at the same time. I am still unabashedly missing the baby that we lost, but I am SO happy that Dekker is obviously thinking about everything, processing, and asking questions. Just this morning, he had asked me why the ultrasound picture of Theo that we have on our fridge doesn’t have arms or legs. So many good, big questions. But asking about Theo going to heaven brought up a great conversation about babies coming from God, and how Jesus in already in their hearts before they’re old enough to know to choose him. We talked about how God is compassionate, and that he would definitely bring the baby back to heaven to be with Him. Dekker thought on it for a bit, and confirmed that, since he had accept Jesus into his heart, that he would get to meet Theo still, one day. I said he would, and he was content with that. My mama heart just swells for my children.

Once the van was packed full of kids and food, we decided to go bring Brady a coffee at his work. That way, coffee would be had and hopefully the little boys would sleep a little. Success was had all around. Coffee was drank, and the little boys napped a bit, and everyone was happy upon arriving home. First order of business was getting Laela’s beautiful flowers into a vase. I had some wonderful helpers.

Like my choice of vase? If only my other ones weren’t all packed up in the garage…

Since getting home, I’ve put the little boys down for naps, because thank goodness, they were still tired. The big ones are watching some VeggieTales, and I’ve got my feet up, doing this. Brady is on his way home now. We’ll all be together soon, and then we’ll indulge in a hot dog supper. We had hot dogs pretty recently but the kids LOVED them, which was weirdly not the case last year. For some reason, hot dogs make me feel more springy. Just wait until we can get good watermelon and eat supper outside! Eek!

All in all, its been a lovely day. I’m really glad that I ventured out after all. It was a lovely reminder of what a treat my kids are to be around, and also that I am a capable mom even when I feel weak.

In all seasons of life, to GOD be the glory!

Reflux Be Gone

Solly’s reflux is pretty under control for the time being. He’s finally drinking full bottles of milk, and even better, he’s doing it without fighting or struggling. He has a good drink of milk and keeps on trucking. It feels like he’s finally caught up. I’ve always felt like his dose of medication wasn’t quite enough for him, and I think now that he’s gaining some more abdominal strength, he’s met the medication right where he’s needed. And its working.

Every once in a while, though, he catches me off guard. And today was one of those days.

I was feeding him on this chair when he just tossed it all. Out of nowhere, it as a complete milk waterfall. Milkfall? You know what I mean. He wasn’t upset by it at all, but it aaaaall came out. Like at least 6 oz. And this is just the chair. My jeans were covered, top to bottom, as was Solly, and his blanket. When I finally made it to my room to change my pants, I discovered my shirt was also soaked through. Because why not, right?

We don’t put Solly in his jumper anymore, but when he does things like this, I put him in it to help with his tummy. This way, he can kind of bounce his burps out.

I’ve gotta say, he LOVES this thing. It must make him feel like he’s a grown up or something. He LOVES it, which helped a lot, because he was solidly happy in there while I cleaned up the enormous mess.

How I despise reflux. I understand there can be worse things. I’m not saying reflux is the end of the world. But it is SUCH a pain in the butt.

10/10 do NOT recommend reflux for babies.

Dekker is SO SWEET in the Morning

Your support has all meant so much to me. These last few days have been heavier than usual, and you have made me feel like its alright to feel that way. I am slowly coping with and understanding more about our loss, and how the rest of our life will look. How we will keep moving, and we will still have joy. LOTS of joy. But we will never not miss our little man, Theo. Never. And thats not a failure on my part, to not “get over it.” It would be a shame if I just got over it and forgot him. He is mine. But more than that, he is Gods. So he is where he belongs, even though it feels so unfair to my selfish heart. This is not how having babies was supposed to be.

With these days being quite so emotionally charged for me, I am wiped right out. I dare not complain, because I am NOT SICK! Woot! But I am sleeping very hard, and having a bit of a harder time dragging myself up in the mornings. Nothing huge, but just far more tired than usual. I admit, upon waking up this morning, I was not optimistic for the day. Not necessarily pessimistic either, but a bit like I just wanted to survive and call it a night. And I was greeted by four amaaazing little humans with positive attitudes who wanted for very little. Dekker stood out to me this morning, and I wanted to really recognize him for it.

I don’t want Dekker to ever feel like he needs to take care of me. Because I am his mom, and I will take care of him. He doesn’t need that big adult responsibility. But he is very tender hearted, and works hard to help and care for me as much as he can. This morning, between his sensitivity and humor, he cared for me.

The kids were around the table, eating cereal, and Laela asked for a little more. I poured her some, and kissed the top of her head. As I walked away from the table, I heard Dekker whisper something and giggle. I asked what he had said, and he popped on his chair and announced “KISS TIME!” and reached out his arms to me. I went over and gave him a big smooch. Then Rowan started calling “Kiss! Kiss! Meeeee!” And thus began a round of the new game called “Kiss Time” that I hope we all play on a regular basis, where I do laps around the table and kiss everyone over and over again. It was awesome.

Once Kiss Time had quieted down for the moment, I decided to make myself a latte to help with the fatigue. As I was making it, the kids were mesmerized. They are every single day when I make a latte. It never gets old, apparently. Dekker commented “I’ve never tried a latte before.” I confirmed that he had never tasted my latte. I said he could have a little taste if he wanted to, this time, but it was more of an adult drink. He eyed me suspiciously, and said quietly “I’m not really a fan of lattes…” I laughed way harder than I should have. It was just his expression, and his way of speaking. Shifty eyes and everything. Ack! I died. It was hilarious.

I did some dishes while the kids finished up breakfast, and put a song on that Brady and I are learning for church in a week or two. Its a really fun song, and Laela was happy to hear it a few times. After about the third time through, I heard clapping. Dekker was clapping along, and guys, he was bang on with the timing! I was super impressed. He was really focused, but as soon as I joined him, he was all smiles and relaxed into the music and the clapping. It was just a really sweet moment with him. It felt like a special connection for a minute there.

The last little tidbit I’ll share is from after Dekker finished breakfast. He and Laela love to help with any little jobs I can find for them (I know, it won’t last forever) and dishes is a favorite. So when I unpack the dishwasher, I lay out the stuff for the bottles, and anything like kids dishes, ziploc containers, big serving utensils, etc. Stuff they can reach that either won’t break, or that I won’t care about if it does. Dekker headed over to the island to do his part, and all on his own, he assembled half of the bottles, and put away exactly half of each stack of bowls/cups/plates I had left out. I told him he had done SUCH a great job with the jobs, and that it was SO generous of him to leave some for Laela (because at this age, for them, it was a sacrifice. I’m not kidding.) and he just cried. “Now I don’t have any more jobs to help with!!!” It was so adorable. I hugged him while he cried. His sensitive little heart hurts so easily, but so does mine. He comes by it honestly. Sorry not sorry, Dekker.

This morning has boosted my spirits for today. Am I still tired? Yes. Am I still sad? Definitely. But I’m so thankful for this nice bright spot to start my day with. Thank you, Lord!!