Chickening Out

I had every intention to start my blog series today. I was actually pretty excited about it, too! I have a name picked, and a few topics sort of laid out. But because of a few dumb (yes, I know they’re dumb) hangups, I’m not ready to start :/ Ugh. I AM ready, but I’m not. Its so frustrating to be in my head.

Hangup number one is that I can’t figure out how to take a belly picture. I remember how surprised I was that I was showing at 8 weeks with Theo, and then relieved to show so early again with Jamin. It made things feel a bit more real. Real talk here. I haven’t lost any of my baby weight I gained in my pregnancy with Jamin. If nothing else, I’ve probably gained a little. I’m NOT saying my body is bad, or ugly, or whatever else. But its different. I’m thicker than I was, about 15 lbs up from where I started my pregnancy with Jamin. So I don’t have a bump yet. Except the general bump that is my stomach. It wouldn’t really make sense to take a picture. I can’t really figure out how I feel about all of that, so because I’m hung up on taking a side shot of my new, thicker frame, and I don’t want to post my first series post with no picture, it waits.

Hangup number two is more relevant to me, and more honest with you. I’m just scared :/ Plain old scared. The last few weeks, I’ve been having ultrasounds on Mondays. This week, I booked my ultrasound for Thursday. Because I haven’t seen that baby’s heart today, I’m nervous to post. I know none of it would be my fault, but what if I started the series, and found out just days later that the baby was gone?? I hated closing off my last series so early, and I know that can happen at any time, so I can’t totally protect myself from that, but I’m seeing that its going to take more balls to actually start this one. Sigh.

So I’m feeling a tad discouraged, but Brady’s work schedule just shifted and he’s coming home early today and is home tomorrow! Surprise!!! I’m so glad <3 This week was shaping up to feel a litle daunting, so this helps a little.

Sorry for dropping the ball on this series. Maybe next week.