I mentioned the other day that Laela’s first birthday is coming up, and I have to say, I have some mixed emotions!! I’m sure some of you remember how Laela’s labor and delivery went, and it really shook me up! I sought counselling not long after her birth and while I haven’t been back in a while, I still struggle with her story. It doesn’t plague me the way it did, and I don’t carry the same guilt, but I still cry when I think about it. I’ll recap it on her actual birth date, but I’m just curious about how I’ll feel on that exact day. I’m already sort of talking myself down, and making the decision to focus on Laela’s existence here in our family, and how thrilled we are to have her, rather than almost grieve the way she came. What a day that was.
Anyway, this afternoon, I spent a bit of time reading a few old posts around her birth. If I can be so bold, I’d like to pat myself on the back a bit! Laela was nine days overdue, and in my posts over those nine days, I was quite positive and less of a whiner than I thought I had been. I really, really hope I can have that same attitude this time around. I have some nerve wracking decisions to make about this babys birth, considering how Laela was born, and I hate having that responsibility. I am already praying to God that baby Jim starts coming naturally, relatively close to my due date. Then I’ll have considerably fewer decisions to make. I hope I can come to terms with whatever we decide and carry a similar peace to the one I had with Laela. I could really feel people’s prayers around me last time, as I struggled with anxiety through the entire pregnancy, and the last week or so felt like the calmest time. God is good, and I appreciated all the care from everyone.
So. The day is coming. Her birthday is on Tuesday, and unfortunately, the forecast is for unfriendly, rainy weather. Brady took the day off, and we’re really hoping to go to the zoo for the morning, so I’m hoping that the forecast is wrong, like it so often is, and that the sun comes out and shines on all the animals! Can’t wait for this little girl to reach such an exciting milestone!