Before I get into the meat of the post, I just want to throw out a thank you to everyone on Facebook who encouraged me today. I had another crappy night last night, and woke up feeling like a total zombie. Not only had Laela taken an extra long time to get down in the first place, but anytime I was awake in the night, I heard Dekker quietly talking. It is not like him to wake in the night at all. Even though he was happy and fine and didn’t require any assistance from us, it made me dread the next day with him, knowing how tired he would be. I suppose a lot of my bad night was built on my bad attitude. That aside, today turned out to be a completely meltdown-free day!!! Thank you for the prayers, those who prayed. I do not remember the last day I had that didn’t involve a toddler fit, or a meltdown of my own. Or both. But Dekker was awesome and ate and played like a champ. He didn’t fuss over diaper changes, and was very gentle and doting on Laela. He started saying “please” for the first time EVER today, and when it was nap time, he giggled when I gave him his blanket, eagerly came in for a big kiss, and happily went into his bed. Easy peasy. Laela was very relaxed all day, as per usual, except she is a struggling little gassy girl. However, God granted me the exact sense of humour I needed to rename Laela “Little Miss Man Fart.” It suits. It was a solidly good day, way better than I thought it would be. So again, thanks everyone for wishing us well! It turned out 🙂 God is good.
This morning, I had an idea of what I wanted to post about, so even though I could make a whole post out of today in general, I’m opting for my original idea. I’m hoping for feedback and opinions. I know I’m not the first person to have to figure all this stuff out about having two kids. As the title suggests, I’m curious about room sharing. Before I go anywhere with this, I don’t want to get all controversial or anything. Bed sharing, co-sleeping, room sharing, whatever! I have no judgement towards doing or not doing any of these things. I am neutral. I am Switzerland.
I swore I would NEVER sleep my children in my room. Ever. For lots of reasons, most of which I don’t remember, if I’m being honest. Then, Dekker was born and his poor little self was so clogged up that he would gag and choke in the night, and we would have to flip him on his tummy and smack on him until he threw up wad after wad of mucous. Glamorous, right? Either way, room sharing was immediately our only option when we brought him home. And we all lived. He roomed with us for two months before we switched him to his own room. Now, we have two kids. And only two bedrooms upstairs. Therefore, we opted to share our room with Laela until she hypothetically sleeps through the night. (knock on wood) However, I discovered last night that I have a lot of anxiety tied to her being in our room.
Its not because I don’t want her around. That is 150% NOT the case! However, if we lay her down and she makes little sounds and twitches a little bit before she settles in and sleeps soundly, I lay wide awake, almost in fear of her waking. I find myself unable to roll over or adjust for the same reasons. Last night, it took a few tries to get her down, and I was quite frustrated with the situation, which never helps. But I was. When I was coming to the end of my rope, I lay her down and left the room. I figured that, if things really took a bad turn and she started wailing, I would either come back or Brady would hear her first and give it a try. I sat out in the living room, trying to wind down and cool off. I went back about a half hour later and the room was completely silent. Success!!! However, my first reaction was “Oh shoot, I’ll just sleep in the living room so I don’t wake Laela.” Which is nutty. It probably took me about two minutes to get into bed. I walked SO SLOWLY, and then once I was actually in bed, I did not move. It took me forever to fall asleep then, just waiting to hear her wake.
So. This is not an ideal situation for anyone involved. I know I need to work on just turning my mind off. Laela is new, and she will wake in the night, regardless of whether I roll over in bed or not. But if we had a third bedroom up here, I guarantee you she would be in it. I don’t know what another option would be. Parents of two kids, what have you done? Where does she fit??!
Hailey!!
You are not the first mom to tiptoe across their bedroom floor and be afraid of rolling over for fear of waking the baby, and you WILL NOT be the last!!!
My suggestion? Don’t tiptoe. Don’t panic about rolling over. I noticed that sometimes my babies would stir, but not fully wake up. Sometimes this involved whining or noise of some kind. I learned to not jump at the first sound and allow them to fall back to sleep… it can happen. We also have all three kids in one room currently. They learn how to sleep through anything. It’s an acquired skill and I have found that it was learned fairly quickly.
Laela is new, but she’ll get the hang of it. 🙂 Just keep pressing on wonderful momma!! You will find your reward for your hard work soon!!
ps – I found the Secrets of the Baby Whisperer to be extremely helpful with all three kids… it may be worth a trip the library to read it and see if there are any ideas in there which you may find helpful.
ps – I love sharing a room with my brand newbies… I love hearing them move around and I have always had the bassinet right beside me so I don’t even have to get out of bed to comfort them… as in, I reach in and rub her head and she calms down and goes back to sleep. 🙂
Isabelle was put in her own room at 5 months, Tobias at 7 and Eliora at 11 months. I hope not to wait that long (as in Elly) again… that was TOO long in my room!!
I don’t know if this helps but I have a friend who had 2 kids already sharing a room when they had their 3rd (only 2 bedrooms in the whole house) and they would put him to sleep in the bassinet in their room and then when they were ready to go to bed they moved it into the hall just outside their room so she could sleep. She had the same problem, I think we all do :). Although they had a cradle that her husband had put wheels on so they could just roll it in and out. I’ll be praying for you
We had Carter in our room for a few days before I had enough of waking at his every move. I couldn’t take it so we moved him to his own room pretty quick after. My kids didn’t room share so I don’t know how that goes with a newborn but you need your rest and sanity more than trying to sleep by your newborn. You could trial it with laela in with dekker. See how it goes or as suggested above move her to the hallway or outside your room?
We also have two kids and only a two bedroom house (grr). The first year was a pain in the butt, to be honest. Sara slept in a basinette in our room at first, but she was a terribly light sleeper and difficult to get back to sleep… So we would put her to bed in our room then when we were ready to go to bed, I’d feed Sara then move her basinette to the living room. Not ideal, but we muddled through. For naps, she would go in her crib in Chelsea’s room/in our room/her swing. When Sara turned 1, Andrew said it was time to move Sara into Chelsea’s room. I didn’t think it would work because Sara was such a light sleeper but it actually ended up working out great. I wish I would’ve done it sooner.