You know those things that you work so hard for and sometimes it just feels like you’re the only one listening? Or that you’re just going in circles? Thats sometimes how I feel in my parenting, and I’m sure there are lots of people who can relate to this. I have to remind myself that my kids are kids and they actually do need to be reminded about certain things 500 times before they’ll actually absorb that that particular rule isn’t dependant on anything, and that it is always a rule. But before they actually absorb that, it is a constant run around to drill these things into their heads. It takes a lot of work. Parenting is simply not for the faint of heart. Is there anything that specifically is for the faint of heart? Might be nice to sign up for something like that on the side…
Today, I had not one win, but TWO!!! One win is enough to help me breathe a little easier, and its a good reminder that I’m not just talking for no reason, but that things are absorbing and they actually are listening. They went like this.
Dekker was getting after Rowan about bringing him a toy that he didn’t want. Something like that, anyway. Something super minimal. After two reminders from me to speak politely to Rowan, Dekker was not listening, and was just giving Ro heck. I finally went over to them and I asked Dekker to go take a breather in his room. Not a time out, but a break. A break that he could dictate when he was ready to come out and be friendly again. Just a moment to regroup. Sometimes, they go smoothly, and sometimes he wails out his woes for quite some time. It depends on the day. Today, he came out almost too quickly. As in I almost sent him back in, just to make sure he was for sure ready. But he surfaced beside me in the kitchen and told me he was ready to come out and be with us again. I asked if he was sure, and he said he was. I gave him a hug and said I was glad he was back, and was about to get back to making salad dressings when he piped up, and said “You were right, too.” I asked what I was right about, and he said “I think I really was mean to Rowan. I’ll go ‘pologize.” And he did! They had a hug and Rowan apologized back (because he is more Canadian than the other kids) and playing commenced. I thought that was pretty awesome!!
Laela was bucking the system at lunch. Its not unlike her. She is just not much of an eater unless she is SUPER interested in the food. Otherwise, she could take it or leave it, but most often, she’d leave it. That was lunch. I asked her at one point to take another bite of her food, and she glared at me and basically smacked her food against her mouth, faking a bite. Right away, I reminded her to check her attitude and remember to be respectful. No answer. I asked her again to take a real bite, which was met with “I just caaaaan’t.” I basically told her that if she wasn’t going to eat any lunch, she’d have to take a nap. And again with the smacking of the food against her mouth. So I hauled her into her bed for a taste of naptime. She wailed and wailed. I gave her a few minutes to calm down and stop crying, and then I stuck my head in and asked if she would rather sleep or eat lunch. Lunch, she chose. When she plopped down at her spot, she was smiling happily and told me she was really hungry. She ate without issue or complaint. When she was done, she thanked me and asked to leave the table. As she carried her dishes to the sink, she told me “I was sooo hungry! I’m sorry I fighted with you!” I forgave her, obviously, and our day has continued to roll on.
The last little comments my kids made to me in these scenarios helped me see that they’re actually understanding. I don’t desire to just control my kids, but I want them to learn right from wrong. And I think its working!! They offered up more information than I had asked for, and it confirmed that they knew what they had done. An apology that I don’t have to ask for is the best kind, and a lesson recognized that I don’t have to push down their throats is so much more satisfying.
This part of today just feels like a win. I promise I’m not trying to toot my own horn here, but Dekker and Laela should be allowed to!! They’re exceptional. I mean they ALL are, but this one is specifically about these two. GREAT JOB, DEKKER AND LAELA!