Alright, guys, here we go! I’ve been putting off this series for a while already, thanks to all my anxiety and irrational fears. I loved putting together a blog series in my last pregnancy, but it was another awful thing to clean up when Jamin passed away. For that reason, I have avoided starting a series in hopes of confidence kicking in sometime, anytime. Yet, if I wait until I feel comfortable, this thing is just never going to happen. I’m trusting you all to be compassionate and understanding if this all falls apart again. I’m counting on you guys!! Because this feels vulnerable and scary, but I think its going to also feel like a step in the right direction. So, I’m going for it.
Be gentle, as this is the first run on this series, so there is lots of room for change and growth! If I miss anything you want to know, ask away! You all know by now, I’m a pretty open book 😉 I’m going to try and cover the same talking points each week on Monday, which is the day my weeks roll over.
It is the first day of 2018, and of my second trimester. Today, I am 13 weeks pregnant, in my 7th pregnancy, hoping to bring home my fifth child. I am due July 9, 2018. We have currently been calling the baby Bambino.
Size & Development: According to one of the apps that we follow, (in this case, Ovia) the baby is the size of a matchbox car. I’ve also seen a pea pod, jalapeno, and a clown fish. My ultrasound last week showed baby at about 2″ tall, but I can’t speak for this week! Probably a little bit taller 🙂 As for development, the app kept harping about how hairy baby is getting. Sooooo we’ll look forward to that… (I tease, I’m aware most of that fuzz is long gone before baby comes. I’m familiar with the process.) As for my size, I haven’t wavered from the weight I began the pregnancy at. I assume I dropped some in the beginning with sickness and have gained it back over Christmas 😉 This is the heaviest I’ve every started a pregnancy at, but I’m trying to blow past that fact and not focus on it. Just have to throw it in there to follow it up weekly when I start to gain baby weight.
Appointments: So I’ve had a LOT of these! I’ve been seeing my OB regularly through my first trimester, I’ve had almost weekly ultrasounds, and I saw my own doctor just last week for our first prenatal! While I feel a bit high maintenance with all of the appointments, and while its been busy always going to an appointment of some kind, there has definitely been some comfort in knowing each week that baby is still growing and developing. I believe appointments will change right away here, though. I am no longer seeing my OB, which was my choice. I could see her all through my pregnancy, but really, everything appears to be routine at this point, and I just feel so much more comfortable with my own doctor. So I will have bi-weekly appointments with her, alternating with ultrasounds during the weeks in between. At about the halfway point, I will meet the resident who will join my crew of awesome medical team and follow me to the end of my pregnancy, which hopefully leads me to early July and NO sooner!!! 🤞
How am I feeling emotionally: This has been a brutally difficult time on my mental and emotional health. It is impossible not to go to the scary places, and almost impossible to talk myself out of the crazy. If you’ve never lost a baby, that is an enormous gift!! I wish no one ever had to lose a baby at any stage. But, I have, and its altered a lot of things for me. Hearing/seeing the heartbeat is reassuring, but its brief reassurance, because I know how fast it can just stop. Symptoms, like sickness or soreness, are not reassuring for me. I was sick until the day I found out Jamin had passed, and he had been lifeless for two weeks. Hormones can do some mean, mean things. So I concentrate on trusting God with this baby, because I have absolutely nothing else to hold on to. Nothing. Only God. And that is sufficient. I know the truth, but its hard to believe sometimes. My emotions are pretty nuts and all over the place, but I think they’re under control. I believe that its healthy to still ache for my little boys, and to excitedly anticipate and hope for another little one! Its a difficult balance to strike, but isn’t that just the reality in most cases?
How am I feeling physically: I’ve been solidly sick throughout my entire first trimester, and my boobs have been aching like crazy! My nausea has started to lift a little, but with that, I’m forgetting to take my diclectin, which does eventually get me into trouble. So I know its not gone gone, but I think its on its way out. The soreness hasn’t let up yet. Not feeling particularly optimistic about that. And just last week, my pelvis audibly clunked apart, and then crunched back together. It. Was. Excruciating. If you’ve never heard of symphysis pubis dysfunction, its an unbelievably painful thing that pops up (or pops out, lol) in each of my pregnancies. Did you know that your pubic bone is actually two bones that meet together? Yup, I didn’t either, until this condition slapped me in the crotch for the first time. When those things aren’t lined up just right, it can render you immobile very quickly. It comes about when the lovely hormone, relaxin, kicks in too soon. Its an important hormone that loosens up all the tendons and such that holds your pelvis together, to make way for your pelvis to spread and deliver your baby. Mine is just far too thorough and efficient, and is already out in full swing. I can ONLY manage it with regular physio/chiro, and wearing a strong, stretch-less belt around my butt to physically hold my pelvis together in one piece. In my case, relaxin also relaxes the closure into my digestive system very early in the game, leaving me to deal with some pretty wicked acid reflux. Well, people, we are there on ALL fronts. Its not the best I’ve ever felt, thats for sure, but maybe when the nausea completely wraps up, it’ll be easier to manage these other things. I hope, anyway. (I promise, this section won’t always ben this long! Just catching up!)
Wish List/Purchases: Ha! I wish for a lot of things, but nothing I can exactly pin on anyone, myself included, to give to me. I’m probably going to give it some time before I bolding throw my wish list out there in all its entirety! That being said, though, since this would be our fifth child, Lord willing, we already have a lot of what we’d need. So my “stuff” wish list isn’t too long at all. As for purchases, we recently bit the bullet and bought a little boy sleeper and a little girl sleeper. It used to feel like a right of passage, and I would be SO excited to buy a little baby thing. It felt scarier this time, and I think I apologized for it many times, just because I felt vulnerable and dumb. But, I did it anyway. Also, for Christmas, we bought the baby a stuffed puppy. So Bambino has a few little things. They’re in the drawer with the small handful of other baby things we bought last year and put away when we couldn’t look at them anymore. Sooooo we’ll see how that goes.
Pictures: I don’t have any pictures of my belly on hand, but my good friend took a few of me a few weeks ago. I’m definitely bigger now, but you’re welcome to take a peek at her pictures of my belly around 10 weeks. Its been hard not to hate how I look this time around. I am NOT being a douche and fishing for compliments, but I don’t have the cute little pointy bump I had with the two little boys. I started this pregnancy 15 lbs heavier than I started the last one, and while I’m probably healthier than I was, and its great that I didn’t drop a bunch of weight super fast in my grief, I still wish I showed nicer and more obviously like I did last time :/ Hopefully more cute belly pictures will come soon, and there will be more obvious baby to see!
How are the kids feeling: We were only going to tell the kids over Christmas but as many of you will remember, Dekker called me out a couple of weeks ago already! They were, and still are, completely thrilled that I’m pregnant again! Besides their innocent comments of “I hope this baby doesn’t die again,” the main topic of conversation is about the baby’s gender. The current standing surprises me, actually. As of today, the boys think the baby is a girl, and Laela thinks its a boy. And I have NO idea, seriously. I would’ve put money on Jamin being a girl, and was completely wrong. I think I’m going to forever think “boy” until I’m told otherwise. They’re almost always boys!!
Getting to know the new baby: I’m hoping this will be a fun category as the baby grows and moves and develops a bit of a personality 🙂 At this point, I like to think that this baby really wants to join our family. We have NEVER conceived on our first try, and this time, we did! I found out VERY early in our pregnancy, which I also have never experienced. Baby’s hcg was off the charts high in the very beginning, so even when the baby was too small to show (or have) a heartbeat, the hcg was tripling every two days, which brought some reassurance in the early days. Baby performs through every ultrasound, moving like crazy. I like to think he just wants us to know he’s ok. I really hope he is!
Best part of being pregnant: Ha! Ya thats a tough one this time, because its hard. This is the most scared I’ve ever felt being pregnant. I guess the best part of being pregnant right now is knowing that I still can get pregnant? Thats probably it at this point. My body knows how to get pregnant, thats for sure. It remembers what to do, and it likes carrying a baby. But its been a while since its carried one to term. I hope it still remembers how…
Favorite thing: So this is a new category for me, but I thought it might be fun! It likely won’t always a pregnancy/baby thing, but I figured I’d share a favorite or a recommendation each week 🙂 Cool? Cool. This week, its going to be the movie, “Storks.” We bought it for the kids this Christmas and just watched it this morning, and my gosh, it is SO FUNNY and SO sweet!!! I may have cried from time to time, but only a little bit. I highly recommend it to people who haven’t seen it yet. It has officially been added to the list of movies I watch during every pregnancy!! (Do other people have a list of pregnant movies, or is it just me?)
Being that this was my first post in hopefully a nice long weekly series, I’d love some feedback if you’ve got some to offer! Did I miss anything? Or do you just want to know anything out of curiosity? There is very little I’m not willing to share, so ask away 🙂 Or, if it seems put together enough, then yay!! I’m so happy to have all of this information on record for our family. I hope you enjoy it, too. And I hope we can all enjoy it for the next six months or so!! Please continue to cover us in prayer if we ever come to mind! Thank you for your continued support and interest in our family.