This weekend was so full and wonderful that Brady and I felt like we wanted to keep moving. We had planned for a nice comfy jammie day at home, but once the kids were down for their nap, we were sort of itching to get out of the house. We made a mini plan of what we could potentially do in the city.

We got the kids up pretty quickly after they started moving around, and chucked them in the bath. Dekker and Laela always bathe together, and today, Dekker wanted to stay in and be part of Rowans bath too, so I hung out with Laela in my room for a bit. She was so adorable!!

I couldn’t resist showing her off a little bit, so I quickly FaceTimed my parents so I could show them her beautifully curly, freshly bathed hair. Also, Laela is enjoying watching herself in the mirror these days so she liked her picture in the corner of the screen. Dekker came and joined in the FaceTime and before long, it was just too late to go to the city. I mean, we could have done it, but it would have been either an unreasonably short trip, or we would have to keep the kids up way past their bedtime. I’m not too terribly worried about a later bedtime, but after the last two days bursting with energy, I wasn’t sure how they’d do being up later. We didn’t want to risk it. So we stayed home, which was good too.

The kids ate some leftovers for supper, but Brady and I had eaten a bit later while they napped, so we planned to eat once they were down for the night. After their supper, we all went downstairs and instead of watching some tv, we threw Zumba into the wii and Brady and I jumped around like idiots for probably about an hour. It was hilarious and we were awful at it, but it was a decent workout even just to stay moving that long. The kids jumped around and waved their arms, and we all “worked out” a bit. Then it was diapers, tidying, and to bed. I’m curious if even just that short little faux-work out will affect my sleep.

So Big and Middle are tucked away, and Little is having his bottle before he hopefully goes down right away, and then Brady and I can figure out some supper and run a tub. He’s back to work tomorrow, and we’re back to normalcy yet again. We did a pretty good job of catching the house up after being gone for a few days, but there’s a bit more to do, so maybe I’ll do some cleaning tomorrow. Otherwise, we have a pretty relaxed week ahead of us. If anyone wants to come play, just say the word!

Well that visit with my sister and brother in law went by sooo fast! It doesn’t seem fair, yet I know we’ll see them again soon, so that helps. The kids were nice and warmed up to them, but another day or two would have done wonders! Luckily, they have established a few really funny little inside jokes with the kids, and I’m sure they’ll remember them well in the coming months.

We played some cards and ate lots of snacks and just generally enjoyed being in each others company. The kids actually napped today, so we had some nice quieter time, and we even got to FaceTime with my brother and sister in law and their two kids who couldn’t be with us this weekend! I haven’t seen those faces in months, and it was nice to finally lay eyes on them. Man, those boys are changing! Its crazy to see their oldest and know that Dekker could be talking quite so clearly in just a years time!

We had a solid pizza feed for supper, with some caesar salad and fresh pineapple. The kids ate a ton, as did the rest of us. It was super delicious, and I’m not even sure how much of a snack I’ll want this evening. I’ve been so full at the end of these last two days! But they’ve been great in lots of ways, and food is one of those ways.

So just like that, our visitors are leaving, and we’re back to a somewhat more “normal” life. I think they’ll be sad that we’re not going to go visit tomorrow, but I think a nice comfy home day is necessary for everyone. I have learned more than ever these last few weeks that we need to keep normalcy a bit of a priority. Not necessarily at the top of the list but it should be on the list at least. Even when the kids are just clawing at the door of constant activity, I know they need downtime, quiet, and routine. Therefore, tomorrow will likely consist of jammies, playing downstairs, and yummy food. I’m looking so forward to it!

Our long awaited visit with some of my siblings has arrived! My sister and her husband are out for the weekend, and it was sooo good to go visit for the day. We told Dekker this morning where we were going and he brightened up immediately. Its so cool to see him excited to see people rather than be nervous about it, and he really remembers them from Christmas when we saw them last. Thankfully, he was comfortable with them right away when we arrived. Laela, on the other hand, but a bit more hesitant. No big smiles or warmth, but rather holding onto me with a death grip for the first half hour or so. It didn’t take long after that for her to want to get down and play, though, and all was normal again. Rowan is still pretty unaware of his surroundings so he did great being held by new people all day. He was an agreeable little lump.

In the afternoon, when the kids went down for their wildly sleep-free naps, Caity, my mom, and I made paska buns! For those who don’t know, paska is a sweet, yummy, easter bread. We spread icing on top and add sprinkles. Its a delicious treat, and a very special treat that we only make over easter. So we made the dough, let it rise, beat it senseless, let it rise again, made it into buns (because they’re more fun that slices of bread), let them rise, and finally baked them. The consensus was that they were delicious and soft and PERFECT! Easily the best paska I’ve had in years. I always love paska, but its always a little bit dry and crumbly, and this was not at all that way. It was delicious.

The kids played hard into the evening. Luckily, I had planned ahead and brought jammies for everyone. So we did diapers and jammies at grandmas house before cleaning up and taking everyone home. Dekker and Laela slept on the drive home, so we carried them in and put them right to bed. No, they are not the kids who stay asleep during the transfer, but we didn’t really talk to them, and they were carried the whole way, so it was very calm and restful. I haven’t heard a sound from their room since we put them down.

We’ve still got Rowan to put down, but I’m anticipating a soak in the tub soon. I’m not sure about a snack tonight, though. I am full to the brim from our taco supper and paska for dessert. And I know there will be even more deliciousness tomorrow! This is such a quick visit, but we’re so thankful to have it! On that note, I’m off! Hopefully everyone enjoyed the stat as much as we did!

I took the kids out today, all on my own. Maybe it sounds easy, or like I should have done this weeks ago already, but I’ve been so lucky to have had Brady around a decent amount since Rowans been born, so I haven’t needed to go out with the kids on my own yet. I’ve got them all ready and to the city, but I haven’t actually taken them in anywhere, just the four of us.

So I made the pretty lame call to take them to the last surviving Target location on the opposite side of the city on its very last day, right around lunch. Genius, I know. Parking was far and I could barely muscle the cart through the slush by myself. It was pretty challenging actually, but the guy holding the sign promised 80% off of everything! So I had to try!

Sooo Target was an absolute wasteland. Thats the only way I can describe it. Immediately the kids were quiet. We all sort of observed the store from the entrance, as if hesitant to enter. Large spaces empty except for garbage. Babies screaming. A funny smell. No one was smiling. Disaster area.

I tried to keep it light. I figured, we had no deadline, so we could wander and take our time, no sweat. However, almost everything was picked clean. The products that were still available to purchase were confined to carts lining the main aisle through the store. People were surrounding them like *insert gross analogy about animals eating each other* and therefore, blocking the aisles with their carts. It took very few moments of that before Dekker got nervous riding on the back of the cart and wanted to come walk beside me. Which is fine until someone bumps into someone else and he gets even more nervous. So here I was, walking through the makeup with my son walking beside me, while fully hugging my left leg. So I waddled (or stood still because no one can move in those aisles either) and tried to talk with Dekker and make it all seem normal.

There was almost nothing left. People weren’t kidding. Even down the makeup aisles, everything that was still on the shelf was either open or obviously destroyed. I found a few little things that I snapped up, but very little. Finally, I knew Dekker was at his breaking point and decided to go line up. I figured, even if we had to wait a while, at least in the line up we wouldn’t be as crushed by people and we would be able to see more of our surroundings. Well, was I right! The line snaked all the way to the back of the store. We picked up a few more products while we waited in line, but for the most part we just talked about how Dekker “wasn’t feeling well” but that we’d be done soon and we’d go get some food.

Almost an hour later, we made it to a till, and finally, Dekker lost it and burst out crying. And in turn, so did Rowan. I’m pretty sure everyone else in that store was feeling the same way, so thankfully, everyone was really understanding and no one gave us dirty looks or even seemed perturbed. Our cashier immediately snagged what she figured was for Dekker – a toy boat that he had saved from the rubble – and passed it to him. He calmed right away. I thanked her for understanding my kids, and she just raved about how patient he had been and that she was very proud of him.

As soon as we were moving again, Rowan calmed. Laela was fine the entire time, which was amazing considering she’s the mischievous one who I expected to be the most antsy. We walked back out to the van, and the sun had cleared up all of that thick slush we could barely get through before. I loaded everyone into the van and got them some food, a milkshake for me, and a coffee for Brady, and we drove off to Brady’s current house to bring him a treat.

The drive home was quiet and long. Everyone was bushed. But it was good and successful and I’m glad we went. No, we didn’t accomplish a heck of a lot, but now I have officially taken the kids out on my own. I know I can now! And this was NOT an easy place to try out first, thats for sure! But we did good, and I’m confident that a trip to Costco or Superstore or Walmart next time will be even smoother. Because this one was insane!

I have earned a relaxing evening but I don’t think its in the plans. A couple loads of laundry need to get done before the weekend, and I’m a day or two behind on dishes, which means I’m getting low on bottles for Rowan. Stuff has got to get done!! On it!

LAST THING! I promise! Rowan can FINALLY fit jeans! They’re a bit big, but I did my math wrong a couple of days back. In 3.5 weeks, he’s gained 3 lbs 5 oz!!! He’s growing at Dekker’s rate, he just started smaller 🙂 We may have another tank baby on our hands very very soon!

Look at that faaaaace!!! He’s so sweet!

The kids and I stayed in today, and I can’t begin to tell you how nice it was. I’m not sure when the last time was that we weren’t either out and about, or doing jobs around the house. I mean, besides normal routine jobs, like dishes or making the bed. I feel almost lazy, but I’m trying to be smart, and I think having a few days like this is important.

Dekker looked so adorable with his new haircut yesterday, and it carried over like crazy! He looks so grown up and I’m pretty sure he knows it. He had a great attitude all morning, which was super refreshing! Laela was chipper like she often is. And Rowan wasn’t so hot today, but he and I had a rough night. I have to say, after the longest and slowest drink the world has ever seen, plus three diaper changes, I was pretty over that particular night feeding. Of course, he couldn’t get his burp out which resulted in me getting up to burp him about six times after said feeding before he finally got his relief and he went to bed. Its ok though, he’s still pretty cute.

The kids played great in the morning, and napped well in the afternoon. Again, Rowan took a little convincing, but its to be expected. This evening, we had frozen pizzas and I have to say, with Dekker’s favorite cheese pizza on the table, he asked to try the bruschetta pizza. We’ve never been able to convince him to even try it, but he ate a whole piece and a half before deciding he liked the cheese pizza better and switching back. I know it seems small, but it actually isn’t. Its exciting that he’s willingly trying new things! Go Dekker!

I’m hoping to venture into Saskatoon tomorrow, just for a little bit. We don’t need anything specifically, but this is my very last shot at Target before it officially closes this weekend! I’m not shopping over Easter weekend, so now is my chance. I hate to think of all of those lipsticks that I’d be abandoning if I didn’t go give them a chance! So the babes and I might try to duck into the city, just for an outing and maybe a treat 😉 I like my kids. Like a lot. If anyone cares to join us, just let me know!

Sorry, everyone, for my break down yesterday. Ok, I’m not sorry in the way that I wish it hadn’t happened. I mean, its not always nice for that stuff to happen so publicly, but that my my choice so I can’t complain. I feel like the way I felt yesterday showed me that I needed to slow down. So today, I didn’t do any house stuff. I had a really nice morning at home with the kids, taught Dekker the word “cappuccino,” and washed my hair. Around noon, I began the process of getting everyone ready to go out for the afternoon. We had a big afternoon planned and of course, we all had to look our best. I wish I had gotten pictures of the kids but, as it tends to happen, we ran too late to really take the time. But they all looked ridiculously trendy and awesome.

Dekker and I have been talking about todays plans for several days now. We’ve been going over the order of events regularly. “We’ll go to the doctor for mommy and Rowan, then we’ll go get your glasses fixed, and then you’ll have a haircut!” At the end, he would get a goofy look on his face and add “And then a smoothie?” Dekker set the stakes for today. He told me last week that he was ready for a haircut. His exact words were “Dekker won’t scream at the haircut, and then we get a smoothie.” Not a question, but a statement. He decided, and I agreed. So we added the haircut to the day that we had doctors appointments.

We picked Brady up first, and then headed to the doctor. As usual, it was a really nice appointment. it was my six week (except we’re actually only at five weeks) postpartum check, and Rowans general well baby check. For my info (more for my interest than yours, I suppose) I’m seven pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight, which I’m happy with. My blood pressure is low, hemoglobin is good, and my cervix is closed and far away as it should be. I’m good to go. Rowan is doing great too! He weighs 11 lbs 14 oz, which is about two pounds gained in three weeks! He’s hanging out in the 85th percentile. She liked all of our answers to her questions and says he seems to be in good health. Once we were all good and done, I asked her about Laela. I realized recently that I never booked her an appointment and while I couldn’t remember for sure, I feel like 18 months was a time that she was supposed to have one. No hesitation, Dr Guselle said she could check her right then. So Laela spontaneously had a check up! She was incredibly cooperative, and I even tricked her into opening her mouth for the exam. She weighs a (not so) whopping 22 lbs 6 oz (about what Dekker weighed at 5 months) and she is 2’7″ tall, punting her down to the 25th percentile. Its ok, she’s petite 🙂 But she also checks out beautifully. We all left feeling good.

We hit up the glasses place next and got Dekker’s new frames adjusted. They slide down his nose a bit, and we were just hoping they could do something. They tried to convince us to just use a strap, but my gosh, we are so thrilled to be done with the strap and I basically just said that if that was our only option, we would just deal with pushing them up all the time. Oooh, well then they could adjust them a bit and bend the arms a bit more. So they did their best and we’ll see how that goes the next few days. Its hard to know that kind of thing immediately.

Unfortunately, the short drive from the glasses place to the hairdresser was just long enough to lull Dekker to sleep. He was groggy upon arrival, and as soon as he realized where we were, he got a little bit spooked. “I don’t like to get a haircut…” he whimpered. As I’d been doing the last few days, I reminded him the order of events, and he just responded with a hesitant “yes.” We went in and he got all set up on Bradys lap in the chair. Our hair girl, Carlinna, is so good to him and gave him a second when he started freaking out, right as it was about to start. I knelt down beside him and told him the order again. Once again “Yes…” but he was still squirming away from her. I finally made it very clear and I said that, if we didn’t have the haircut, we wouldn’t get to the smoothie. He sat up right away and gave in to the haircut. He didn’t like it, but he toughed it out. Even at the end when I took his glasses off so she could get closer to his ears, he just made it work. And it was so worth it!

We raced out of there afterwards, sped a lot, got the kids home, Brady hauled them out of the van, and I drove to concert choir practice. Jerilee and I made it with a few minutes to spare, but not many at all! We had a great practice, and had a really nice visit in the van before we went our separate ways. She made me feel pretty sane about my freak out and helped me make a short term plan for surviving the next day or two, so I don’t over- or underthink anything. It was so nice!

Now I’m home and everyone is sleeping except Brady and I. Time for a quick bath before bed. My irrational husband was at work today shortly after 5:00am, so I doubt he’ll be awake long, and its dangerous to sleep in water. Rest is good.

Please forgive me for todays post. I keep wondering if my hormones are nuts or if I am nuts or if I’m just stressed out but man alive, my insides physically ache with failure and disappointment. I know I have yet to lose anything, and I know this is a complete overreaction, but I feel like the workup to today has been absolutely huge. We have worked so unbelievably hard to get ready, and still, after all of that, I have failed to reach my goal. It just eats me up to actually put it out there. Its as though I need today to be over so I can just come to terms with it.

My body hurts, and I’m weeping all over my laptop, which can’t be good. I’m sorry this is all the post you get out of me tonight. Its short and pessimistic, but I have nothing left right now.

Too much workup, too much failure.

Goal suck ass.

I had super high hopes for Wonder Week being awesome, and while I think it was in a lot of ways, I’m so happy to see it go! And as it turns out, the first day after Wonder Week has already been so much better!

We took our time getting out of bed and got everyone ready to head to the city. They all looked super cute, if i can be so bold. It was promising to be warm out so Laela even rocked a dress under her jean jacket. The goal for today was to pick up a few little grocery things, as well as the few pieces of material we needed to finish up our house stuff.

As per usual, our first stop at Walmart resulted in buying a number of things we didn’t remember we needed but actually really did. So we left with groceries, and a cardigan for Laela. With it becoming dress weather, she needed a cute little sweater to go with her dresses. We also picked up a couple of bargain bin dvds. It was pretty low key. We crossed the parking lot to the Gap outlet to try and find Rowan some newborn jeans, but it would appear we’ve officially missed the boat on jeans, and everything coming in now is shorts, so I guess we’ll just have to wait for him to fit his 0-3 month jeans. Laela got some summer shorts tho.

Next was Superstore. We needed virtually nothing, but hauled everyone in for the free cookies. Sadly, Dekker took an opportunity right in the beginning of the shop to hit his little sister, so he was taken back to the van, foregoing his cookie. Devastation is the only word that remotely fits his emotion in that moment. It was quite a scene. However, I was down one kids, and quickly earned it back when I found a little girl who had lost her mom. I didn’t rush her over to customer service right away, which might have been wrong, but she had been lost just for a few minutes and hadn’t ventured very far from where they last were together. Maybe that was wrong, I don’t know, but her mom finally called her name loud enough that we heard and everyone was reunited. When all was well, I wandered back into kids clothes and accidentally bought Dekker some great shorts for summer, two pairs of jeans for Laela, and a gorgeous (albeit fake) leather jacket for her as well. Dekker rocks a fake leather jacket as his spring jacked, and we couldn’t pass up this beautiful one for Laela! I’m sure you’ll see it soon. Its almost unfair that we own it, actually. No other kids have a chance now. She is just the cutest thing. After clothes, we bought a couple little grocery things, and went to get her a cookie. Poor Dekker. The cookies were those special m&m ones today. He would have loved that. I also picked up a treat for Brady and I. I’ll tell you about that at the end.

Home Depot was last. Brady and Dekker ran in together and bought some more trim for the house, and when they resurfaced, we went for food. We got some happy birthday frapps from Starbucks, and then some fast food for lunch. Laela is finally capable enough to eat in her car seat without flinging food in every direction. We ate on the drive home. What a beautiful day in the city!

We got home too late to nap the kids, so needless to say, the evening was a bit of a challenge, but my parents came by for a couple of hours and my mom took pictures of the house for us. We feel nervous about it, but I think we’re going to list our home privately for a few weeks before biting the bullet and going with a realtor. I’m just nervous that our house isn’t worth enough to be able to get all the equity we need plus paying a realtor. And we can’t flex too much on the price at all. Plus, if we can sell locally, I’d love to try that first. Hopefully its a smart plan. We won’t doddle this way for too long. Anyway, my mom worked for two hours to get the best angles of all of the rooms, and made it all look beautiful. Hopefully we’ll make our ad tomorrow!!!

Now that the two older kids are sleeping, onto our evening! Rowan is still up but likely not for long. He’s been eating a ton this evening, so hopefully a few more ounces puts him out. Brady and I are having an at-home date this evening. My parents have given us some money for a little date each month as a Christmas gift, so today, we bought our date stuff! We bought a cheap movie, two Tims coffees, and a trifle from the bakery at Superstore. Hopefully dessert and coffee and a movie makes us feel a bit more like a couple and less like two people butting heads over an enormous amount of stress and work. If it doesn’t, at least we’ll sugar crash and sleep well. Thats good too.

Not only is Wonder Week over, but I, in turn, am over Wonder Week. We accomplished a ton today, but we also discovered a few bumps in the road that boil down to us not being able to meet our goal of finishing everything for Monday. I won’t lie. I feel incredibly defeated and discouraged and angry and numb. Not great feelings, and I’m pretty sure a chunk of it is still some residual hormones from having my son four and a half weeks ago, but it is how I feel. Its hard to admit you won’t reach your goals, and that is so often why I keep things like this private. Its less embarrassing that way. But I’m trying to act in confidence and expectation that this process is going to happen! And while I still think it will, my faith is a bit shaken. Yes, I would consider myself “worked up.”

As for the facts, we did accomplish a lot today. We didn’t finish sorting toys last night at all, so we completed that today, and Brady loaded everything we want to store into our van, in hopes that we’ll make it to our storage unit one of these days again. We did some more scrubbing in the bathroom and replaces the faucet. I soaked and cleaned the hot and cold taps in vinegar and they now look brand new. i washed window sills, switched bedding, and did more laundry. Brady tidied up the furnace room, replaced some trim in a few different parts of the house, and swapped out our dryer hose for one that doesn’t require duct tape. We cleaned window screens, did dishes, dusted, swept, and cleaned cobwebs off of the ceiling. We did lots of other things but I can’t remember much. In all honesty, I found today really difficult, all day. I think we all did. I wanted it to be a big exciting work day where we dreamed of what is to come, and felt rewarded at the end. Instead, I feel nauseous and unsuccessful.

I took a shortie nap with Rowan towards the end of the afternoon, which brought a little bit of healing, and now I’m typing this out while Dekker drives his cars on the bed beside me. Its so much harder to concentrate when someone is beside you, going on and on about Pixar characters and asking your opinion on each and every one, but its good to finally be with at least one of my kids in a normal, calm setting. Less stress here. I’ve had my little break with both boys now. I’ve got to get some quiet snuggles in with Laela before the end of the day. If only she’d sit still long enough for that to happen!

While Wonder Week is over, we are foregoing church tomorrow morning and will instead be staying home and getting more work done. Every bit of me wants to just quit for a few weeks. Its exhausting to fail. But the time is now, whether we list on Monday or in a month. We can’t stop now.

Its Friday already!!! Tomorrow is a bit ominous, as there is a lot to accomplish still! Brady brought all of his tools home for the weekend so he can do all of the more gruelling jobs tomorrow, and I have a big clean ahead of me! I sooo hope we get it all done tomorrow, because if not, we’ll have to finish up on Sunday and I would really rather not work on Sunday if at all possible.

I did laundry all day today with the kids, and Brady worked a solid day in the city. When he came home, we looked at our list and realized we needed a few other things, so we ended up heading into the city for the evening. With that, our kids are only in bed now, around 10:00, but we’ll all be home tomorrow, working our butts off, so the later they sleep, the better!

We didn’t get everything we went to the city for tonight, but we were very successful anyway. I feel pretty well set up for Saturday!

Once we get Rowan down here, Brady and I have the large task of sorting through all of the kids toys downstairs. We’re both sleepy and fading, but hopefully we’ll get some snacks, throw on a movie, and make a date out of it! I like a good home date once in a while 🙂

Wish us luck tomorrow!!