The Daily Hailey

It is hard to describe how I feel some days. Today is one of them.

I still wish radiation and daily home care was done with. I would so love if our schedule could be our own again. Some of those things are simple enough, and we can go through the motions, but even so, it would be nice to just not have to do them. You get it.

But then, we have a day like today.

Where the appointments are well timed and go off without a hitch.

Where all of the kids are where they belong, and they do well where they are, and everyone is happy.

Where you come home from the hospital to find fresh garden gifts and sunflowers in the kitchen.

Where your babies are well cared for, photographed, and in the cutest pajamas.

Where your best friend brews you coffee and cleans your house.

Where granny comes and swiftly assembles the new wheelchair so life can run that much smoother.

Where someone who you haven’t actually seen in person for years has a load of groceries delivered.

And another someone orchestrates the delivery of delicious baked breakfast items and yummy treats.

When your neighbour spends literal hours at your house performing back to school haircuts and colors, even going as far as trimming up Brady’s facial hair.

When the aforementioned neighbour serves up plates of supper for the kids as they wait for their fun colors to set. The supper that was brought to us c/o yet another family in town here.

How does anyone have this love?? I hear so many more stories of people who struggle and feel left and alone and abandoned. Who ARE all of you people?!?! What are you DOING here?? 😂😭 We are consistently humbled by the amount of love that is just poured into our family. It feels like so much more than we’ve ever given!

We are overwhelmed. But not by sickness or appointments or sorrow. No. We have true joy. Supernatural joy, and peace. Praise You, Lord! For you have done and continue to do GREAT things!!

Guys. I am SO grateful for every resource that has been sent our way. We are set up as comfortably as people in our position could possibly be. Which is an incredible thing to be able to say. I know so many don’t have it that good and we sure do.

With lots of needs comes lots of activity in this case, and today that meant three more appointments. The days are long, guys 😅 But they were all good appointments. Smooth appointments. Necessary. Well timed out. Crisis free appointments.

First, radiation. Because, maybe you’ve heard – Brady has cancer. 🤦‍♀️ While he was in treatment, I chatted with our friend-turned-social worker and did some brainstorming and laughing. It is SO nice to have people who are truly invested.

Second appointment was injections. Brady gets a botox-like injection into some of his muscles to help relax them. His leg muscles have gotten SO bad for tone. He can’t lay with his legs straight out. They bind up at the knees (think frog legs) and they spasm and twitch. They jump off the bed in the night, and they kick me when I try to adjust them. They’re meanies. So I got to meet Bradys physiatrist that does these injections. We chatted a little bit about the loss of use in Brady’s left arm, and he examined it, noting that his hand is quite curled and tight. He gave us the option of putting a little bit of relaxer in there as well, which we were really happy to accept. On the drive home after that appointment, Brady worked to open his fingers up and could tell they were already looser!

Appointment number three was home care. Home care changes every day, but today was someone we know pretty well and thoroughly enjoy. She called to touch base probably within five minutes of us arriving home. Perfect timing! Got him all taken care of before we ate some lunch and everyone napped. Meanwhile, Cher cleaned and brewed a pot of coffee while I crocheted and we chatted. It was truly lovely.

It was a great day. A productive day. So few bumps. Really only good stories 💜 It helps when you’re spending the day with your favorite person.

When the kids are away, the parents will play!

When the kids are in bed, the parents will eat cupcakes in their bed!

Thank you, Rae, for picking up some cupcakes for us at the farmers market yesterday 💜 What a fabulous treat!

If there ever was a time to eat treats, now feels like that time 😋 We’ve played a good few rounds of six cookies recently as well, but this one warranted a photo.

Shoutout to the sweet girly who bakes these for the market week after week. Not sure she’s on the internet, but she does a GREAT job!! 🧁 Give them a try!

By the end of the day yesterday, I felt absolutely wrecked. The day was full, though full of really good things for the most part! We had coffee with Cher. Spent time with a new friend and her kids. Saw my mom. Ate delicious food that someone from our church dropped by. LOTS was good! But I was so finished at the end of the day.

Today felt a bit lighter. We made it to radiation a little early today and everyone seemed happy. Came home to a home BURSTING with people (though it was our normal numbers 🤣 felt bigger) which was a very happy welcome but WOW were the kids loud!! Lol!! My mom made lunch and then naps got set up and the house got nice and quiet. Cher and I had a coffee together and worked out a plan for this week. There are a LOT of moving parts this week.

Nap time ended and some more work got going. Toddlers went into the backyard with some of the big kids, and the plan for an easy supper has been put into place.

I feel really tired. Woke up around 4:30am and couldn’t get back. But considering the level of fatigue, I’d say morale is good. Because God is good. Thats the only explanation I can think of.

Bonus points for Jesus that crayon comes off the wall easily 😅 Too bad recliner dents don’t. 🤷‍♀️

Thank you Lord for a day that felt lighter than the one before.

We talk a lot about Brady’s brain for obvious reasons. But today, my brain doesn’t feel especially up to blogging 😅 It has been a big day and I don’t feel quite prepared for the week ahead just yet. Today has held so much GOOD, I assure you. I am not complaining at ALL. But my brain is tired and I have felt like I’ve been going all day without a rest.

Rest is just around the corner, however, and tomorrow is another day 💜 Whether its super smooth or bumpy and messy, its still going to happen and I’m here for it! Thank you Lord for ALL you give us and ALL you do for us!!

Radiation at balls a.m. tomorrow 🥱

The other day, I texted Stacy and told her she was dear to me, except I definitely misspelled things and told her she was dead to me 🤣😵 However, love was not lost after all and she brought her kids out to spend the day together. With that, they brought a big haul of stuff back from our camper. Lots of food. Diapers. Bedding. A few kitchen items. Vitamins. Med supplies. Bradys guitar. It was a good few tubs of stuff and I’m SO grateful for that help. It means that when we finally find a way to get there to load up for the season, there will be WAY less to bring home. THANK YOU, Dahlsjos!!!

For the bulk of the day, we sat in the living room with coffee and chatted. No campfire, but better than not being together. The younger ones went to the spray park for a bit. Some bike rides and walks. We put out some crackers, meat, cheese, and fruit on the island for a super informal lunch. Ordered pizza for supper. It was all very relaxed and lovely.

I think we all ached to be together. We rarely see each other outside of camping season, maybe twice at the most, and we manage pretty well. But not spending these weekends together is hard. Its the entire summer plan we carry. So everyone is feeling that change a little hard.

Only a few tears were shed, and we managed to make the most of our short hours together.

There are lots of pictures I can’t share, but this one is good 💜

Dekker in the back hahaha!

Tomorrow marks his last week at camp, by the way. A few more big changes before school starts again, but its on its way, and I think we’re as ready as we can be. Gotta portion out the last school supply items. Get some haircuts organized. And wrap up radiation, of course.

It was VERY good for the heart to see you today, dear Dahlsjos 💜 We LOVE you and miss you like crazy.

It has been a LONG time since I went to the city for something other than radiation. But today was that day. There was SO much on the books for today. I had to really call in all the troops. I had social workers coming to pick up and bring back a kid. I had someone else going to radiation with Brady. And I was running a different kid in for a different visit. During that visit, I was going to run to pick up some shampoo from my hair girl, and some med supplies for Brady. And once that visit was over, I was going to drop that kid off somewhere else for the weekend. And THEN I was going to run to Warman for one more pickup/chat with friends.

And I just. Couldn’t. Do. It. All.

There were some disappointments. Some relief. Some deep breaths. Some really peaceful conversations.

One visit was cancelled.

One was not cancelled, though it fell through in part. Not a total loss.

I made it to UROmed for medical supplies.

And to La Loop for pink shampoo to try to stretch my color a little bit longer. Did you guys know I got my hair cut?

I dropped off my babe for the weekend and had a REALLY nice chat there before I left.

I grabbed an iced coffee and drove home. Made a few phone calls. My Warman stop will have to wait for another day 💜

It was a nice day. A FULL day. But a nice one. I haven’t even touched on the work I did this morning! FULL day. I am SO grateful for our team of people who consistently put into us and help us when things are super busy. A healthy reminder that just because you can make it work, sometimes its still ok to ask for help (or accept the help that is forcibly thrust upon you 😅) You don’t have to wait until your desperate and sick to have help. Today was SO much nicer for everyone thanks to the love and support of the grandmas and grandpa!

When we were children,
we colored outside the lines
because we had not yet learned where they were.

We made skies purple, grass blue,
and held crayons in clumsy fists.
But nobody corrected us too harshly,
because there was time to learn the rules.

And we did.

We learned to stay in the lines when writing.
And to stay in the lines on the road.
Graduate. Fall in love. Build a home.
Raise your children. Grow old beside someone.

Dream as wildly as you want
But stay inside the lines.

Then one day,
a doctor draws a line
through everything you thought came next.

Suddenly the page is unfamiliar.

Plans become appointments.
Ordinary days become precious.
Bodies change, roles change,
and the people who love you learn
to redraw their lives around what remains.

So you adjust.

You color where there is room.

You learn new shades of courage,

new shades of grief,

new shades of love.

You learn that some days

faith is bright yellow,

and some days

it is barely a pencil mark

you can still see on the page.

But perhaps we have misunderstood the page

Because we did not invent the lines.

Before there were crayons in our hands,
there was an Artist.

The first Artist.

The One who made blue before anyone had a word for blue.

Who painted sunsets

without asking where the edges belonged.

Who designed neurons

and taught them how to carry

a thought,

a memory,

a laugh,

a prayer.

The One who placed within this earth
the elements, plants and mysteries
human hands would someday transform
into medicine.

He designed the mind that studies,
the hands that operate,
the heart that keeps loving
long after it has grown weary.

And look at His creation:

rivers meander,
branches twist toward light,
clouds abandon their shape,
no two fingerprints repeat themselves,
and no sunset asks permission
before spilling beyond the horizon.

Creation was never a coloring book.

We invented the borders.

We taught one another
that a good life should fit neatly
inside them.

But hold one human life
against the immensity of all God has made:
the oceans, the galaxies,
the neurons firing beneath our skin,
the billions of stories unfolding at once..

and suddenly,
there is very little sense
in worrying whether we colored correctly.

No matter where the lines move,
the Creator of the universe
is still the original Artist.

And He has never needed lines
to make something beautiful.

Cher

We have been SO fortunate to have been granted some funding, making getting to and from the hospital every day SO much simpler. We are literally still nursing wounds from some bad transfers dating back a couple of weeks. Thank the Lord for our lake friend turned social worker, as well as Prairie Path for their transportation.

Every day, they come around 45 minutes prior to Bradys appointment and load Brady in his chair into the back of thei van or bus, depending on who comes that day. They drive us to the cancer centre (goodness if they would just open that bridge already!!) unload Brady, and then either wait around until our appointment is over, or they go make another pickup and a different driver comes to get us. Either way, we have consistent transport, and we are SO GRATEFUL.

We’ve locked down one driver who has become quite invested in our family. The kids know him by name now. He likes to tease the grandmas when he comes into the house. We feed him muffins when he comes in the morning. He’s part of us, hahaha!

Today, we had a short wait before our ride came to bring us home, and we sat outside the cancer centre underneath a shallow overhang, just barely in the light rain. It was SO beautiful. Not too cold out. Just light and airy. So many people came by. Some were quiet. Some greeted us. One woman came and lamented her spouse’s cancer treatment. The majority of the people just commented on how beautiful it was outside. In the cloudy, rainy weather. And I loved that.

We really have just SO much to be thankful for 💜 Praise God.

If you know me at all, you know I hate the fact that something called “brain rot” even exists in any form of entertainment. Of ALL things that we do that already rot our brains, now kids seek this garbage out?? Anyway. I’m not a fun mom. It shows. I know.

In the spirit of brain rot, I can tell you that today, we celebrated my moms birthday. Which one, you ask?

*sigh*

Today my mom turns 67.

We had the pleasure of enjoying a group supper together with her, as well as my sister and her family. What a huge treat that was!

It is not a secret that I hate the whole stupid 6-7 thing. When someone mentioned her age, ALL the kids looked at me with mischief in their eyes, waiting to see if they’d all be expected to pump out their times tables before anyone was allowed to have any fun 🤣 I was nice, in an effort for my nieces not to be afraid of me, but today was their ONE chance! 🤨 I’ll be a stickler again next time!

But this isn’t the point. It was GOOD to celebrate my mom. She works tirelessly to show up for her people when they’re in need, even if its every day for a while. I’ve seen her work at her priorities, while actually including herself on that list, even if its hard sometimes and she has to say no occasionally. It takes courage to add ourselves to our own list, and I’ve seen that as a positive change in her.

Of course, as I type this, I want to include pictures of her, but EVERY one, she is surrounded by others, just about always including our children who can’t be on the blog. She is legitimately ALWAYS doing something helpful, be it doing dishes or prepping food, reading a book to someone small (or big), listening to a lego explanation or a long joke, coloring at the table, or folding blankets in the living room. She never. Stops. Putting. In.

I want to be like her when I grow up.

Mom. I want to be like you when I grow up. Specifically this version of you 💜 You’re a total cutie pants while being totally indestructible, consistently seeking God with every move you make.

I hope you felt loved and celebrated today, despite all the weird hard things over here. You are SO precious to absolutely ALL of us.

Happy birthday, mama. I’m so happy you were born, and I’m so fortunate to be your kid 💜 I love you.