If you haven’t read yesterdays post, thats ok 😂 You’re not missing much. It was just a short anecdote about getting burned by sparks and coffee simultaneously. I felt personally victimized that morning. I digress. That was yesterday’s post.
Except today could’ve totally been part of yesterdays post! I just didn’t know it yet.
I drove to Saskatoon today to take a baby to a visit. Ten ish minutes or so into the drive, I put my hand down on my leg and my hand got poked by something super sharp. Like, surprisingly sharp! I shook my hand, as you do, to free it of whatever pokey piece of vegetation I figured I had brought into the van on my pants somehow. I couldn’t find a thorny, thistley, burrish thing anywhere near me, and that is when I noticed the ENORMOUS hornet sitting casually against the window on the passenger side of the van.
Perfect.
Except it wasn’t perfect. The perfectest part of it was that no one was driving anywhere near me, so when I swerved and panicked like a crazy person, I didn’t run a single person off the road.
I opted to open the window calmly, and let the stupid dickfaced jerkwaffle out that way. And man did that guy hang on for dear life! He was DETERMINED to stay with me.
But no.
Conveniently, my mom and Dekker had gone on a bike ‘n’ hike just the other day, and the tire pump was still in the front seat. I took that thing and started whacking it in the direction of the bug. But every time I took a peek, it was still there!!! I finally gathered up the common sense to pull over onto the shoulder, and with one slightly more aimed blow, my yellow-bellied poopoo canoe was GONE.
I zipped that window up so fast and punched the gas to get back on the highway in an attempt to make myself believe this was super easy and not at all rattling or scary. But it wasn’t the truth. I knew it, as did Stupid McDumbbum over there.
It had stung, of all things, the underside of my ring finger, right where my knuckle bends!!! Owwwww!!!
So. Anyway. Another harrowing tale. Bedtime.