So I’m sorry for the total cheat post yesterday. I know there was virtually nothing in depth about it, but it was such a great day, and there was no way I was going to cut into Jerilee time to blog. Sorry! Such is life. And I’m pretty sure I do this daily, so a cheat here and there should be relatively acceptable. I’m assuming you all forgive me. Thanks guys 😉
So! Yesterday! Brady had been working a private job for a couple of days, and was able to finish off the last few hours of work in the morning, so he came home, got himself ready, and we left for the city. We waited in the waiting room less than ten minutes before getting into our appointment, and were maaaybe waiting for two minutes in the exam room before Dr. Guselle arrived. It was a fully room with us all in there, but so rarely are in the kids in good enough shape to come in. But they were this time, and she greeted them and they were very comfortable with her. We talked a little bit about Christmas, and how I was feeling. I’m pretty pumped that I only gained three pounds over the holidays!! She confirmed that the prescription she gave me a month ago for my ridiculous acid reflux was working, and asked about dizziness and swelling. I’m so pleased that I haven’t had any swelling of my hands and feet with any pregnancy thus far, and the dizziness seems to have passed as well. Yay for feeling well! Minus my pelvis, of course, but I’m working on that. Kind of out of my hands and into Dr. Mikes.
Dr. Guselle went through the usual motions of checking my blood pressure, measuring my uterus, and listening for baby. It makes me nervous that babys heart rates go down so much by the end of pregnancy, but I know its normal. I just prefer the 160-170s over the 130s. But there was lots of movement, and everything is growing at the right speed.
I’m INCREDIBLY pleased to report that our baby boy is officially head down!! I was nervous before, knowing that he was breech, and quite comfortable there. Not me. I wasn’t comfortable. He was though. But Dr. Guselle triple checked, and even showed me where I could sort of pinch my lower abdomen and feel the head. Really, really awesome. Praise the Lord for a really good chance of a vaginal delivery!
Lastly, we talked briefly about how I was feeling regarding actually delivering. She knows my nerves are pretty much shot on the subject, and that I’m trying really hard to be brave, but failing a little bit. I had actually expected to post about this a while ago and ask for help, but I was nervous it would get too controversial. I’m just going to quickly break down how I’ve been feeling on the subject, if you guys have time to read it 🙂
I was told immediately after having Laela that I would be offered the option to have a scheduled induction. Knowing that my body could do what it did (labour for only 1.5 hours), I had every medical reason to be induced. That way, I would know that I would be in the hospital when the baby was born. I wouldn’t have to have that terrifying feeling that I had last time, driving to the hospital in a panic, and almost not making it into delivery. As soon as I was told I could have an elective induction, I was relieved. YES! I’ve since worked through Laela’s delivery a bit more, and I feel like I have a much better handle on it. I was confident that I didn’t need the induction. I know that I CAN deliver naturally, because I’ve done it, and we all lived. But as the delivery draws near, I’m finding myself in fear of labor for the first time. I wasn’t nervous to deliver Dekker for a second. Not at all. I wasn’t afraid of the pain, or the unknown. I was excited! And his delivery was awesome!! So I was really anticipating Laela’s starting too! Now, for obvious reasons, I’m scared of labor. And fear plus pain is one of the worst combinations I’ve ever experienced. So with all of these thoughts running through my mind, I began to really reconsider the induction. YET, there is no medical reason why I shouldn’t just wait it out! While Laela’s birth was chaotic, technically, it was a health and uncomplicated delivery! Every health care provider will tell you the “ideal” is to wait until baby is ready, and then you’ll go into labor naturally, which I agree with on a lot of levels. I feel like I’m having to choose between physical and mental health. Am I making any sense? There has been a lot of flip flopping on my part in the recent past. If my best choice is to wait until ten days past, what if he still hasn’t come? Then I’ll be induced anyway, and then the kid will be itching to come, just like Laela, and I’ll have another one hour labor. My “best” choice seems to be my highest risk, and the option that will definitely wreak the most havoc on my brain and heart. I’ve really been struggling with this, knowing the choice is mine.
So Dr. Guselle asked very casually how I was feeling about the whole thing, and I had so hoped to have some resolution in my head, or some answer to give her, but I didn’t. I just kind of shook my head, and said I had no idea what I was going to do, or what was the right choice, and that I really wasn’t looking forward to the whole thing. She took it all very calmly and just checked her calendar. Her on-call days aren’t booked that far ahead just yet, but she is currently on call at the hospital on Mondays, and my technical due date is a Monday. So she very casually said “Well, why don’t we just say we’ll induce you on your due date for now? You’d probably be the most comfortable going through all of this together with me, right?” Ummm…YES! That is my ideal circumstance! She mentioned a couple of times that lots of third time moms go a week or two early, but having carried Laela nine days over, I’d be incredibly surprised if I went into labor on my own early. So we’re sticking with March 2nd, and as long as I don’t labor for days, she will likely be the person to deliver!! We’ll keep a close eye on baby the last couple of weeks, and if I’m starting to have any real changes, or lots of pre-labor, we may reassess and change the day, but tat is currently how things stand. I left her office feeling so understood, so listened to, and like she completely gets us and is rooting for us. I feel light, and at ease. Relief.
I learned a lot through delivering Laela. One of the big things that I learned is that plans are just place holders for what is actually going to happen. I didn’t go into Laela’s birth with a long list of demands by any means, and many of us know that delivering a child is one of the most unpredictable things in the world, but I had no idea it could go so backwards! Sooo opposite of what the “plan” was. So I accept that the plans I made with Dr. Guselle could change drastically at any moment. I accept that I could be induced and labor for days. I could go into labor naturally and have a picture perfect delivery. Or, I could go into labor, rush to the hospital, not make it, and have the baby in the van on the highway. Any any way in between. Anything can happen. Its sooo far out of my hands. But I’ll make plans now, to help myself feel better and prepared, and then we’ll see what actually happens.
After this appointment, I feel more excited. While I still am nervous about delivery, I’m more anxious to see how its going to start. Once its started, I think I’ll be able to get into the zone (lots of you ladies know the zone I’m talking about) and once all the crazy of labor is over, I will actually have a new life to hold and cuddle and care for!! I absolutely cannot wait to get this little boy out of me and into a cozy flannel blanket and home to his family. We are all anxiously awaiting his arrival <3
* Sorry for the novel of a post. I hope I didn’t babble too much. I’d love to hear your guys encouraging take on things. Thanks for taking the time to read.