I was asked to write a blog post today from my perspective of Rowan’s melatonin experience. (Yes, it’s Cher, how did you guess? :P)
I am excited to write this post because I feel such a burden for beautiful Rowan. I hope one day when he is an adult he reads these and sees how loved he is. Not judged, or criticized.. But genuinely loved. We all want to connect to him and understand him.
For myself, I feel like I am a lot like Rowan. I feel deeply and quickly. Although I am an adult now, I still find myself needing magnesium to help with my hormones and ADHD symptoms. I personally don’t believe that Rowan has ADHD or any other type of disorder, but I do feel that he could just have a chemical imbalance.
Going back to December:
I was there when we decided to call the pharmacy. Hailey and Brady tried everything for years to help him organically. Finally, I interfered one day and said: “Let me just research this and call someone.” and to my surprise, Hailey and Brady welcomed the help. It is never a sign of weakness to accept help.
On Brady’s way home, he picked up some melatonin for Rowan. At this point, Rowan was having fits of rage multiple times an hour. All day, every day. It came to a point where he said he could not try anymore. We all knew that something had to be done. I think as an outsider it’s easier to push because he isn’t my kid. Hailey’s fear was the judgment from others that they would view this help as a negative way to “shut him up” and that simply was and is never the case. Rowan had love with or without melatonin. It did not make anyone love him more.
The first few weeks were amazing. Almost no freak outs. Then, he kind of got used to it. He became just as angry as ever. Hailey was beside herself. What else could she do?? She began to REALLY take into account what everyone was telling her about their kids. She couldn’t stand for him suffering anymore. It was never about HER. It was and is ALWAYS about him. What parent wants to watch their child suffer? The fear for his future was real. Will he lose friends? Will he get kicked out of things? What is ahead for Rowan? No one will see him for who he really is. He is soft, gentle, careful, thoughtful, spiritual, and absolutely special. They are more afraid of you judging him, than judging them.
Fast forward to March: They kept Rowan on melatonin. I think this is very wise. Especially with Brady in the hospital. Hailey needs sleep. Rowan needs sleep. Everyone needs sleep. Now that Rowan is on the melatonin and magnesium combo, it’s like the clouds have cleared, and you can see his true spirit.
Just last week I busted him for lying to me. I was afraid because I had Hailey upstairs to rest and didn’t want her to hear her son scream. I told him that he gets his toy back when he apologizes. He looked at me disappointed, walked to the front room and sat down. Then he went downstairs. Later on he came upstairs and apologized and got his toy back.
On any other day, without the help of these natural vitamins, he would have thrown himself on the floor, screamed, slammed his door and it would be a 45 minute episode.
On St. Patrick’s Day, he came home with a Leprechaun trap and played in the kitchen with it for a while, increasingly getting more rowdy with implementing new toys. I politely asked him to not use anything that would fall and break. He replied: *sigh* “okay” which is night and day from absolute yelling right off the bat. He can listen now. Not only hear, but LISTEN. Of course we still want him to have his same personality, and of course he still has it. We want him to feel things and work through his emotions. We want him to learn and grow and mature. No one wants a zombie child, or to be the parent who shuts their kids up with medication.
I can’t express enough, as someone who doesn’t have kids, how afraid I am sometimes to enter the world of motherhood. All the judgments and fears. I watch Hailey many times a month, worry about what people will say or think. Not because she is weak, but because she doesn’t have the time for feeling judged for how she raises her kids.
When I have kids, I hope I can be just as incredible a mom as Hailey is, and that I have just as supportive of husband and father as Brady is. What a team. If we had ALL parents take this kind of time, care and concern as these two do, there would be way less adults in the world who feel neglected and confused about themselves.
Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.