To my dearest Dekker Thomas:
I would be so honoured if you chose to read back through these writings one day. Please know how much I am completely and absolutely in love with you! We have had trying time, but YOU are incredible to me, and are stretching me s a person, making me stronger and stronger. Today was a hard day, but I LOVE YOU exactly the same as always, if not more. I adore you.
Much love, your Mommy <3
It was a long day. Dekker had a pretty solid attitude problem all morning. I tried everything. And he hated everything. I was starting to lose it, and decided I needed to change up our environment. Dekker loves outings. So I quickly did the dishes (don’t want to end my cleaning kick already!) and then got all three of us ready and out the door. I don’t take the kids out on my own too terribly often, since Dekker can get explosive sometimes and its nice to have someone to haul him out of wherever he is screaming at everyone. But I know him, and I know he loves to go out. So we went out. Dekker hit the panic button on our keys for the first time. I was downstairs. He patiently waited for me at the top of the stairs and when I came around the corner, he announced “beep beep.” I laughed it off 🙂 It gave me the opportunity to learn how to use the function.
We wandered a mall, and got some fries, and brought Brady an iced coffee at work. I had a chiropractic appointment booked for 4:45, giving me enough time to do Walmart and Superstore first. We didn’t have a long list at either place.
We hit Walmart first for a few groceries, some file folders, sandals for Dekker, tubs (for $3 each!!), and whatever other trouble we could scare up. And my goodness, did we ever scare something! Dekker, to be more specific. The poor man behind us in line 🙁 I felt awful for him. He simply said “Hey buddy” and the shit hit the fan. I’m sorry, I don’t like to swear on here, but there is no other way to describe it. The world ended. He screamed and screamed and whipped around and flailed and screamed and slapped and cried and screamed and screamed and screamed. And there was nothing I could do. No one was there to haul him out, or to pick him up to comfort him. In the next few moments, employees rushed us from every angle with the goal to help, but just overwhelming him further. Offering stickers, singing songs, asking if someone was hurt, everything. The man behind us apologized over and over. The cashier (I’m assuming) put my bags in the cart. I didn’t see it happen. It was awful.
To speak for myself a little, I was incredibly calm. I didn’t raise my voice at him, I spoke firmly and on his level, into his eyes. And he had just bugged them out at me and continued screaming. As I walked the cart out of the store, I scolded him. I told him how incredibly unacceptable his behaviour was, and how he cannot ever scream like that. I explained that he wasn’t hurt or threatened, and that someone was being polite to speak to him. Because of his behaviour, he would get a time out in the van. And thats the part that ticked me off. He was so relieved. It wasn’t a punishment or a lesson. It was him getting exactly what he wanted. Drove me up the wall.
We all sat in the van for probably the next fifteen minutes in silence. No music, no nothing. Just air conditioning. I hadn’t had the nerve to go near him in a while, so he wasn’t buckled in yet. When I’d hear him shift around and try to slide out of his seat, I’d tell him to sit back. And he would. That was it. Finally, I gave up and buckled him in, and got ready to leave. But then I bawled. The thought of having the same thing happen again at Superstore was just too much to swallow. I called Brady, and he agreed to pack up his stuff a half hour early. I called my chiro clinic and got an earlier appointment.
Chiro was great, and my neck was sooo out of whack, so its good to have that back in order. Dr. Mike really encouraged me to try and get a day away from the fam. He said its very important for stay at home moms to have breaks sometimes. I’m not too choked about “me time” so much as I need “away time.”
Dekker slept on the drive home and went down for another rest upon arrival. Now, he has whined and cried all through supper, and Laela has been crying for the last half hour too. It would appear everyone is completely wiped out, myself and Brady included. Pretty sure both kids are going to bed. Now. (yikes! didn’t publish! Bedtime happened about a half hour early)
So. Apparently today was an epic fail. I’m so disappointed. I was hoping for an outing where we didn’t accomplish a whole lot and just took our time and enjoyed each other company. But instead, I got a hellish fit and a lot of tears. It was incredibly discouraging. And I am tired.
I hope you guy had a better day!