When My Heart is in Sorrow, but is FULL

Yesterday was just amazing, and I’m SO eager to share about it! It was all unexpected and honouring and humbling and thoughtful and just so full of love.

I found out about halfway through the afternoon that someone was bringing my family supper. I was completely caught off guard, but gladly accepted. Hard days are upon our family, and while I’m not exactly shy about it, it was incredibly touching to see people take action and show our family love in this way. Not too long after that, another friend got in touch with me and invited me over for a visit after our kids had all gone to bed. I happily accepted the invite 🙂 It feels so important to have friends and loved ones with us in these tricky times. I was so thankful to have an invite out, to get me out of the house and out of my own head, but into a place that still felt safe and comfy.

Right around supper time, a meal compiled by four women from our church arrived at our house in the form of a big pail of soup, homemade bread, a BIG box of desserts and baking, and a card. We were completely overwhelmed, and thrilled. Our usually soupspicious (see what I did there?) kids ate it easily, as did Brady and I. It was a loaded corn chowder, and it was completely delicious. Supper was amazing in every way.

After the kids had gone down, Brady and I had a quick soak and watched some tv. I texted my friend shortly before 8:00 and said she could just let me know when she was ready for me. Not too long after that, there was a knock on our door. Often, when she and I get together, we’ll kind of swap houses, so I figured her husband had just showed up to hang out with Brady here, and I’d take that as my cue to head her way. Except it wasn’t her husband. It was her! I grabbed my jacket and headed out with her, but her car was there, and we live like half a block away from each other, so I knew something was up.

🤔

Sure enough, I was right. She drove us to another friends house, and unloaded an armful of stuff from her car. In we went.

Guys, I’m not going to be able to do this evening justice, but it was SO incredible. A handful of my friends from church had gathered with the plan of a girls movie night in. They set up the island with all the treats and munchies I’ve been loving these days (Doritos with sour cream, skittles, swedish berries, cookies, baking, etc) and we had Shirley Temples (the majority of the group was either pregnant or freshly nursing a newbie.) There was a gift bag to one side, and some wrapped flowered next to it. I cried like a loser into my drink as we stood all together in the kitchen. I was completely overwhelmed by the love and care that these women were offering me, just because they knew how hard I’ve been struggling. I was gifted two blue roses (in honour of my little boys,) a big pretty succulent, an oil infuser necklace (that I’m SO excited to put together and have hope for some anxiety busting!) and the little Willow Tree Angels I’ve been pining after. All of this was topped off with a card from a shocking number of women from church who participated in the evenings plan. I have never felt so strongly that so many people have my back. It was incredibly overwhelming and humbling and, honestly, just so so needed. We loaded up our plates with treats and snuggled into the living room for a movie. It was SO perfect.

There is something to be said for people like these. These women knew that they weren’t just coming for some comfy squishy movie night. They knew how sad I was, and that there might be some heaviness, and no one was afraid of it. I didn’t have to feel funny crying in front of them, or talking about my miscarriages, and they didn’t have to feel funny loving on their new babies in front of me. It was a lot of trust from every angle, and I couldn’t be more thankful that they all came and took those little risks and showered me with such love. UNBELIEVABLE!

We had such a lovely time of chatting and just being together, but it had to end eventually, so I made it home right around midnight. I felt uplifted, and like my cup had been filled. My sorrow isn’t gone, and there are still big days approaching, but I feel so much more prepared. I know people are thinking of us and praying for us, so that is HUGE. I was reminded just how much support I have, and that I could call in the troops, if need be, and they would come. Also, somehow, being with these friends last night seemed to release my emotions a little bit, and I almost felt safer, or permitted, to just cry and be sad. I know I can cry whenever I need to, and I can feel however I feel, but I didn’t have to be strong last night. I didn’t have to try and keep on trucking. I could just cry, and feel all the things I feel, while surrounded by loving friends who wanted to be there in support of our family. I don’t know how else to explain all of this. It was completely mind blowing. Life changing, even. Earth shaking. Bottom line: This is the kind of friend that people need. A friend who shows up without being asked, and loves you no matter how much “work” it is. BE THIS KIND OF FRIEND.

Today has felt emotional for me, coming off of ALL the love of yesterday, being surrounded by my beautiful children all morning, missing my husband while he’s working, and knowing that there are big days ahead. If things had gone differently, I would be days away from delivering our sweet little Jamin. But, instead, we are where we are, and thats ok too. Its not what I would have chosen, but it is what I have to deal with, and I accept that. Its not an easy thing to accept, but it would be much much harder to absorb if I didn’t have the faith in Jesus that I have, the support of a loving, involved husband, and the abounding love offered to me by my friends, family, and my church family.

To all of you beautiful people who were involved in this, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. I can’t even begin to explain all of my feelings (clearly) but please know how you’ve touched me. I feel stronger because of you.