Well, we are days away from the ominous 16.5 week hurdle, and as far as I can tell at this point, all is well on the inside. Its going to be a pretty big leap for me to eventually separate from the regular ultrasounds and appointments and the reassurance they bring, but no one is rushing me on that. We are waiting until there is good, confident fetal movement before we’ll back off of too many things. For now, we just continue to take things as they come. I keep dreaming I’m feeling the baby move, but I know I’m not. This anterior placenta is making sure of that! Stinking thing. I think feeling the baby move is still a few weeks away, though maybe prayer can encourage it?? We’ll find out soon, I suppose! While I wait for that, I should say how grateful I am for such loving friends and family who covered us in love and prayers yesterday, and the days leading up to yesterday. It was a huge day, and while I don’t feel out of the woods yet, I’m hoping we can move onward and upward from here!
Size/Comparison: This weeks comparison cracked me up a little. The Ovia app claims the baby is about the size of a dill pickle, but last week compared baby to an avocado. So I guess the baby is the size of a big ole pickle – one that is larger than an avocado. I’ll have more accurate measurements soon 🙂
Appointments: I saw Dr. Guselle last week for another heartbeat check, which went smoothly as usual. The baby was ALL over the place, wanting to be anywhere but under that doppler! Dr. Guselle finally ducked across the room and grabbed my phone, saying “You have to get a video of this for Brady.” I love her. It was super entertaining and reassuring. Hearing that heartbeat never gets old. I also had an appointment just this afternoon with my chiropractor, and WOW! We will discuss that more in a minute here, but he is integral to my body staying together these days.
How am I feeling emotionally: I will feel better soon 🙂 Thats all I can say. I am RIGHT in the thick of it this week, waiting to pass the awful milestone at which we lost the last baby. Without being too dark, this baby has already lived longer than the last one, as Jamin had passed long before we discovered this was the case, so thats something. I hope I can breathe a little easier next week, though. I’m just not quite there yet.
How am I feeling physically: Ok guys, let’s talk about this. A couple of things need to be talked about here. One thing that isn’t really pregnancy related at all is that I still have that ridiculous plugged ear!! It has some fluid in it that will just have to clear over time, but my doctor advised me to try and loosen up the wax in my other ear, since it was almost completely blocked. You might remember this all from a different post. Anyway, I’m doing my part in the loosening of the disgusting wax, but now that its loosening, it settles into a fully plugged ear position!! I woke up multiple times last night, hearing my heart beat in my head, with two fully blocked ears. It felt insane and I HATED it. Finally, I had to stick a finger in there and help the situation, which likely doesn’t help the big picture situation at all. But hopefully Dr. Guselle will blast this sucker clear for me at our next appointment next week. If I live that long. My other CRAZY physical thing going on is an unrelenting lower back pain. I’ve never had this kind of pain in pregnancy. I’ve had my crazy pelvic pain, we’ve talked about that lots before, but that pain resets every single night after a bath and a sleep. This lower back pain, however, does not. It makes everything painful. Sitting, standing, walking, lying down, lifting a kid, getting in and out of a vehicle, bending, everything! I got in to see my chiropractor today and I am thrilled to say it was possibly my most productive chiro appointment ever! He explained so thoroughly what was where and warned me well before he’d crack something. He helped me move around more than usual, knowing how much pain I was in. He asked if he could check my pubic bone, which he’s done before in the past, VERY professionally and safely, and said it was out. He was casual about it at first, and set me up to have it put back in place. Guys, that is SO painful. After four attempts, it still wasn’t all the way back in place, and he had to use this little hammering tool thing to get in where it needed to go. It was SO painful. But he’s explained this pubic bone thing to me before about how the pubic bone is actually two bones, and when they sit crooked at all, it basically ruins everything. He said more than just being a bit misaligned this time (which is all it takes) one side was actually raised up and sitting at an angle! I didn’t even know they could do that. Live and learn. So now things are back, and I can tell they are, because other parts of me hurt pretty badly, yet the very front of my pelvis is strangely pain-free. I hope it calms down in a day or two because I can’t exactly just sit and do nothing… Rant over! Oy!
Wish Lists/Purchases: I ordered a couple of bathing suits a week or two ago for my freshly postpartum self, but neither of them fit :/ Merp. Off they go back to the store, and I’ll reorder them in new sizes and see what works. I’m still hopeful! Just annoyed. Otherwise, I bought a new comfy lululemon bra off of a girl here in town. None of my current bras fit nicely, but now this one does. Win! (Yes, I realize thats a lot of info. Its just a bra. You’re fine.)
Pictures: I admit, I don’t have any. Every time I think to take a picture, I’m not wearing pants. Sorry, guys!
How are the kids feeling: As usual, Bambino is on the kids minds. Discussions about where the car seat will go in the van have come up. Laela has speculated on how many kids she’d like. The kids are aware that I’ve been missing Jamin quite a bit these days, and they are being very sensitive, loving little humans, as usual. I really hit the jackpot with my family.
Get to know the baby: I think I say it each week but our baby hates the doppler. Or they’re just showing off every time we pull it out. I’ll take either. I know babys kicks can grow to be uncomfortable and disruptive, but I don’t imagine they’ll get old anytime soon. I cannot WAIT to be able to interact with this baby! Yet, as the app has been telling us, baby can now distinguish light through my belly, and can hear our voices! I love knowing that. So, for future people who want to talk to the baby through my belly, feel free! I want this kid to know just how loved they are as early on as possible!
The BEST part of being pregnant: Hopefully this doesn’t come out wrong, but I’d say the best part of being pregnant this last week was having a little baby in my tummy when passing Jamin’s due date. I do NOT want people to think Bambino overshadows Jamin or Theo, but there is some comfort in crossing such a tricky bridge when I know I have someone along for the ride. Not everyone is as fortunate as me to conceive so soon after such a difficult loss, and not everyone wants to! Absolutely, as always, to each their own! But it has helped settle my heart a little. I think its helped me not feel as hopeless. So, for that, I am thankful.
Favorite Thing: Guys!!! You know Pillsbury makes croissants, right? Ok, so those are delicious, and have always been a bit of a guilty pleasure breakfast over here. But I recently discovered Pillsbury also makes turnovers!!! You can’t find them just anywhere (read: NOT at Superstore!) but Walmart tends to have them near the croissants in the cooler, for 2/$5. If you’re from around here, the Walmart in Blairmore has a whole section for them, and they have all three kinds – apple, raspberry, and strawberry. I don’t love apple for this kind of thing, but both of the other are exquisite. SO good!
Yes, they even come with icing. I HIGHLY recommend everyone eat these, preferably in bed, before your kids wake up. Set an alarm on Saturday. I’m not even kidding. Its important.
Seriously, its been a huge week. And this week we’re in feels big, too. But I’m praying for peace very very soon, and I believe it will come. If you feel like praying for the same for us, we’d sure take it! I want to grieve as hard as my heart needs to, and then I want to keep moving and celebrating and expecting the best! Thank you for being such loyal followers of our life and caring about our family. It has been completely amazing having the amount of support that we do. You guys are incredible.