Ok, I know Solly is only a year and a half-ish old. I know this. But as the weeks roll on, it feels bizarre to have made it this far. I feel like I haven’t been this far into a pregnancy in SO long!! Trust me, I know thats dumb. Many people intentionally space their children out, even much further than this! But its just so crazy to think I’m 21 weeks pregnant! I like putting this series together, and when I sat down this morning to stay assembling todays post, I genuinely was prepared to write about being 20 weeks pregnant. But I’m actually at 21 weeks. This is the FIRST time in this pregnancy that the week seemed to fly by. I know I’m not supposed to wish time away, but I really hope there are more weeks that rush by and time can move a little quicker. I think Spring will help with a lot of that. I hope!
Size Comparison: This is so far the dumbest week for size comparisons yet, haha! My app suggests Bambina is the size of a baseball cap… That makes little to no sense to me, so I dug deeper. Baby is also compared to a weasel, a bok choy, a pomegranate, and carrots. Yup. Multiple “carrots,” apparently. In reading ahead slightly, I see the app I’ve been trying to follow consistently compares a 35 week baby to a “bunch of carrots.” Hmmm. 🤔 The internet says the baby is roughly 3/4 of a pound, and about 10.5″ inches long. I really can’t speak for that, but I’ll maybe know a bit more about that later this week!
Appointments: As I eluded, I am supposed to book an ultrasound this week! I didn’t have one this last week. Not an appointment this last week at all. I know some of you may think I’ve been foolish to have all of these appointments, but they’ve kept me afloat, and this last week was the FIRST appointment-free week in this pregnancy. And guys, I lived! I am able to feel the baby move most days, and while the kicks aren’t getting much stronger or too much more frequent, I am fortunate enough to feel her most every day, and when I don’t, my home doppler is doing a wonderful job of keeping my anxiety at bay. So, I survived a week without medical professionals, and it was ok 🙂 but I’m excited for a scan this week, for sure!
How am I feeling emotionally: I’m going to be honest here, and I’m going to get a little Christian on you, so beware! 😉 I’m struggling a little bit emotionally recently. In the world of having babies, you’re “safe” after you hear the heartbeat. You’re even safer after you enter your second trimester. I learned the hard way that life is fleeting and there is never any guarantee that the baby will come home with me, healthy and safe. There is no guarantee any of us will live through the day! I don’t mean to be dark or harsh, but its true! We just have no control. Since losing our little boys, I have learned to confidently believe that God has us in the palm of his hand, more than even before, and I have honestly been able to trust him with my family, because there is literally nothing else to hold onto. Now that I’ve passed the 20 week mark, I’m forgetting that God is still in control. Because 20 weeks somehow feels “safe.” Passing the halfway point is amazing, and feeling the baby move is amazinger! Finally, the reassurance I’ve been aching for! But still, I need to trust God, not the world. As we approach the point where baby could safely be born and have a fighting chance, I need to keep praying and not trusting modern medicine alone. Yet is it ok to take some comfort in things of this world, if our trust is still in God? I hope so. I don’t know. I’m not in “bad” emotional shape, but I’m searching, and as seems to be the fruitless theme currently, I’m trying to do things the “rightest” way possible. Whatever that means.
How am I feeling physically: My physical health is all over the map. I’m starting to get some pretty gnarly reflux, and I’m taking zantac most days. My pelvis is okayish, I think, but I’ve had persistent headaches over the last week so I’m wondering if my body is out of line. I’m badly overdue for a treatment of some kind. This last week, I’ve had a bit of heart racing, also. I’m not entirely sure what thats all about, but when that happens, I take it as my cue to sit, and it always calms back down. But thats a new one for me. Beyond that, I’m feeling VERY tired and sluggish again, but like I said earlier, I think Spring is going to help me with things like that. Just today, I noticed while driving Dekker to school that it was brighter outside! It was sunny rather than dim, and that alone brought me some energy. So I’m hopeful thats just the time of year.
Wish Lish/Purchases: I think I’m going to make a whole separate post about my wish lists – including the one thats reasonable and the one that isn’t, haha! As for purchases, I ordered a small batch of things online FOREVER ago and I know for a fact its been sitting at our local post office since last week and still hasn’t been checked in!! Argh! So I can’t talk about any of that really yet :/ Merp.
Pictures: Todays belly picture, featuring my unwashed hair and dirty mirror!
That belly is definitely unmissable now. I like that. Just one of the things that makes it feel more real.
How are the kids feeling: Sigh. They’re so ready.
They want their baby sister. I don’t blame them. I do too. They ask regularly when she’s coming. I tell them, hopefully in July, and they ask how soon July is. Summertime. Just another thing for us all to look forward to! Dekker has taken to kissing my tummy a lot. I love that. I so badly want to let the kids in on her name, SO badly, but I think they’ll tell everyone, so sadly, they’ll have to stick with Bambina. Yesterday at church, Rowan spotted a little stuffed puppy sticking out of a diaper bag, and whispered to us, asking if it was for “Gambina,” which is Rowan’s version of her name. It was sweet.
Getting to know the baby: She is in that silly stage where she kicks often enough, but the second that Brady puts his hand on my belly to feel her, she stops. Now, to clarify, he HAS felt her kick. But not too often yet. I assume he’d feel it more if not for the anterior placenta, because I can feel the internal rolls, while he can only feel her when she really gives a good kick straight out. But we’ve decided she’s just calmed by her daddy holding her. I can’t wait until we can actually get our hands on her!
The BEST part of being pregnant: I’ve REALLY enjoyed going through some of our little baby girls things over this last week! We had lent out Laela’s 0-6 month stuff a little while back and just received a big box of it back. It was SO fun to see Laela’s little baby stuff again, and even just run my hands along the little diaper shirts and sleepers. Laela, however, was born at the very end of September, so the seasons don’t line up perfectly. None of Laela’s sweater dresses will really cross over for Bambina, but lots of the basics will. Plus, a dear friend offered us a diaper box positively filled with little dresses and matching diaper covers, rompers, and all kinds of beautiful summery things for our new little miss! There are really only a few “holes” left to fill, plus likely a few impulse purchases along the way, haha! But its just been so fun to be able to entertain the real idea that our baby girl may actually join us at the end of all of this. Preparing. Its been nuts, and awesome.
Favourite thing: My favorite thing for today is the donuts out of the Coop grocery store’s bakery section. Have you had those things?? If not, you should. They have the long john donuts in six packs for $5. They look pretty standard, and are uniform enough that you know they were frozen, and not baked fresh. But the icing is what sets them apart! They are SO fluffy and the icing is SO yummy! It doesn’t form a crust like the Tim Hortons donuts, but its soft and a bit messy and smushy. I HIGHLY recommend these as a treat! To be clear, we’re not specifically a donut family. We never really order them unless we win them during roll-up at Tims. But these are a game changer! I’m pretty sure they’ll be at the party we throw for Bambina when she arrives, but don’t wait until summer to try them!!
Yuuuuum!!! We still have some kicking around from Rowan’s birthday a few days ago, and they’re still good! Highly, highly recommend.
Its been a good week. Lots of relaxing my body on the week off of school and sleeping more than usual. I feel somewhat normal these days, which is different but nice. I’m anticipating more days like this, or at least I’m hoping for them! And with the sun coming out a bit earlier these days and the temperature rising juuust a bit, I’m dreaming of warmer days and what that will all bring. I simply cannot wait for any of it. But I will 😉 I have no control in the matter, among all the other things I have no control over! Whats a girl to do! Keep on trucking, and trusting, I suppose!