As many of you guys know, I’ve been really nervous going into this school year. Not because of anything school-related, but with feeling foggy and easily overwhelmed and somewhat unstable. I keep saying that I know I’m going to forget something important, and while it hasn’t happened yet, there is still time. Its been a full first week of school, and next week is even fuller! I’m still nervous. But I’m working on it.
I’ve been surprised to see that the routine is helping me get through my days. Maybe you guys knew it would be good, but I didn’t. I thought school starting at such a fragile time would hit my mental health down hard, but its been good for me, I think!
Call them small things, but with taking Dekker to school every day, I have to get out of bed. I have to put on real clothes, deodorant, and brush my teeth and hair. I have to venture outside and interact with people. And then, when I return home, I’m already somewhat “together” and ready to take on the day. I’ve incorporated making my bed and opening ALL of the blinds in the morning, too, to force some sunshine into this sometimes dismal house. I’ve got everyone taking vitamins, myself included. I’m trying to keep our house and family functioning to the best of my ability, but none of it is over the top, or extra, at all. Its all just basic life stuff, but frankly, even basic life stuff feels big these days, so I’m calling all of these things successes.
I hope that one day these basic things can become habits and don’t take the same amount of effort that they take now. There are other things that need to be incorporated into our daily life, like kegels for me and physio exercises for Brady. I need to eat a bit more consistently. I need to implement bigger changes as well, like meal planning, more careful budgeting, etc. but those will have to wait for another time.I need to read my bible and take intentional time to pray.
Right now, I want to slowly move my way out of survival mode and into successful daily living. I’m not rushing, but I don’t want to become stagnant either. I want to find our new normal, whatever its going to look like. But really, I’m not looking too terribly hard for that normal. As with so many things, as soon as I figure out what I think our normal looks like, it will inevitably change soon after. So for now, I’m sticking with the “day by day” thing. Its not easy for me, as a person who likes to plan.
Please don’t forget us. We still need prayer. Each day is still so different, and hard to navigate. It isn’t over. It won’t ever be.