We’ve always called Dekker our little light. It started with his babyhood, when he would stare into the lights. (Now he has glasses. Hmmm. Jokes, lol! Not from that 🙂 ) Then, he became the most joyful boy I had ever encountered, and he truly lit up our lives. While he is still very much our light, he has had some big challenged in the couple of years, and its been refreshing to see him slowly coming out of that. However, we’ve been seeing a bit of regression in the last week or two, where his attitude has really gone downhill and he panics again. Its been hard.
Today has been a bit nerve wracking for me. It shouldn’t be, but it has been. I was nervous going into the appraisal, just because its all so unknown, and then the kids were nervous about the two new men in our house, and THEN I was just wishing the house looked a little better, and aaaaall of that combined made the house nervy. I know the kids are feeding off my nerves as well, no matter how hard I try to mask them. Kids are good that way. But we got through the morning with only one SOLID meltdown from Dekker. Go big or go home, right Deks?
I was feeling pretty tired, just coming down from being quite so psyched up, and it was finally nap time. Naps are sort of hit and miss around here right now. With all the company we’ve been having, the kids are often not napping, and while the evening gets pretty interesting most days, they’re doing ok. I’ve accepted that naps are maybe just a “sometimes” thing now. But today needed to be a nap day because we’re going out in the evening and will definitely be home after their bedtime. Which I’m more than fine with, I just wanted to prepare as much as possible 🙂 So as it got close to that time, I warned them that we’d go upstairs in a few minutes. Dekker asked if we’d go up for naps, and I told him “yes.” Expecting the usual sound that comes after that information, instead, Dekker asked “You’ll have a nap too, mommy?” I told him the truth, and said “I’ll probably rest in bed, yes. I’m so tired.” And the little dumpling goes “Ok, goodnight mommy,” and headed upstairs.I sat in awe for a second, and heard him coax Laela to follow him. They both went upstairs on their own.
I took that opportunity to wrap Rowan and go lay him down first, before going to their room to get them into bed. Dekker had already taken off his glasses and climbed up into his bed, and Laela was laying on the floor beside her crib. I got everyone tucked in and left a silent room.
Not. One. Sound. Has come from that room. Not. One.
So while we go through stages and tantrums with our kids and ourselves, and changes in our lives and in our families, I am SO pleased to have what and who I have. I am blown away by these kids, who are fabulous despite all of their mothers flaws and failures. We’re sure trying out here, and today, just this one little thing, it feels like a win.
Dekker, thank you for being such a bright spot in my day <3