The Daily Hailey

Just a quick one today, but I think most everyone can relate to it in some way.

There is SO much tragedy – in our little province, in the rest of the world, in different people groups, belief systems, etc. SO much sadness and struggle. In our unassuming town, even. It is a heavy time in the world.

So, with that in mind, hug your people. You just never ever know.

For my today, I need to hug my people, even if they threw a full on face down tantrum in church. Even if they need to be told the same thing 30+ times and still won’t listen. Even if they lied to my face, twice, in a matter of seconds. Even if they’re screaming their heads off, refusing to nap. And even if their screaming is exaggerated by the fact that there are a handful of kids directly outside of our house, also screaming. I’m ready to pull my hair out, but what would I ever do to suddenly lose them all? I can’t imagine I’d ever stand again.

Don’t forget, however you show love, show love to your people!! They need to know you’ve got their back, and that you appreciate them and need them in your life! There is just far too much brokenness, and we need to come together. Fast.

Time has been standing still since we found out we were expecting Bambina. Its not been a secret, and I think most everyone can understand why. I don’t anticipate that all anxiety will be gone the moment she’s born and in my arms, but I think a good chunk will subside, at least. I cannot wait until its that time, and because I’m SO excited for it, it feels like it will never come.

I had an appointment yesterday, and as it was ending, I mentioned that I didn’t think I had my next one scheduled. My student doctor seemed surprised, and said they were all booked, and said Dr. Guselle must’ve booked them herself. I remember her saying she was going to the last time I was around, so it was unsurprising to me. I asked him to please print the list off for me so I could record them in all the right places. I left that appointment with my list of dates and times, another blood requisition, and my prenatal record, because I’m pregnant enough to carry that sucker around 😁 Yay!

This morning, Brady and I were cleaning the island off and tidying up some of the papers that accumulated through the week, and I found my list of appointments. I took a few minutes, then, to put them into my planner, and THAT, my friends, is where it got REAL!

All through the majority of a persons pregnancy (assuming its “standard” and uncomplicated by Sask Health standards) they see their doctor on a monthly basis. It picks up towards the end, but most of the time, you just see your health care provider every fourish weeks or so.

My pregnancy has been decently “standard,” but because of my history of losses last year, I’ve obviously had more appointments than average. For a long time, I’d see my doctor one week, and have a scan the next. Back and forth, back and forth, for weeks and weeks. It saved my butt and my sanity. Once I started to feel movement, the schedule changed, for obvious reasons that I understand. But I admit, it was a tricky transition. Going from weekly check-ins to monthly felt pretty cold turkey ish, even though Bambina was moving lots and I had reassurance every single day. It was just hard. But I survived a couple of those months between appointments. Victory! Lol!

Looking at my list of appointments, I have one in a month. Fair enough. After that one, I am suddenly into the two week stretches between appointments. Thats a big shift that I’m very much looking forward to. And then, looking slightly further ahead, there are only TWO stretches of two weeks between appointments before I’m in WEEKLY!!! And that only goes for a few weeks before baby comes 💗

I know, basic math tells us that makes total sense. I still have three months to go. Thats not news.

four weeks = one month
two weeks (x2) = one month
one week (x4) = one month

But, guys, thats SOON! I love seeing the time fill, with appointments, fun activities, school functions, day trips to the lake, etc. Today, I’m feeling hopeful that time will move forward at a decent pace, and that I’ll genuinely enjoy the days, and live out a happy spring before it turns to summer and we can welcome our beautiful Bambina home.

THREE MONTHS!! NOT EVEN!!!!!

I was going to have blogged by mid-morning, buuut plans change so often, and today was one of those days! So instead, here is a quick breakdown of the day.

I spent the morning, legit, a bundle of tears. I discovered that all of a sudden, neither of the possible baby party dates were going to work 🙁 I was going to have to choose between INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT people in my life being there, and I couldn’t imagine my party without them all there. I know there is always need for give and take, but I couldn’t “give” up these people. I cried a lot, had some short lived but serious anxiety, and then someone heroically changed their schedule and the party can move forward once again! But WHEW! That took the wind out of my sales for a minute there! Yikes!

Brady pulled a half day (planned in advance) so I could go to my prenatal appointment that was poorly scheduled too close to school pickup, and he stayed home to get Dekker.

I had my prenatal, which I’ll talk more about in Monday’s series post, but all is pretty much well. I may have low hemoglobin, but apparently cold hands screw test results up all the time, and its still cold out, sooooo I have to schedule yet more bloodwork in the near future. Good thing Brady has some breathing room next week! Boy do we need it!

I made it back home about five minutes after school let out, picked up the family, and we drove back in for some errands.

Walmart happened. Dekker and Laela got summer sandals. Dekker got a lifejacket. We got groceries.

We had McDonalds supper in Walmart, which Brady and I HATE doing but the kids DREAM about. They were happy. I’m still hungry.

We nixed our idea of Superstore and decided to continue around to a few places in search of a canopy/gazebo for our deck. Canadian Tire happened. Rona happened.

It was already the kids bedtime, so we headed home, even though there was so much more we could’ve done. We’ll have other chances soon. But today was a fun start. We are all SO ready for summer. SOOOOO ready!

Quick stop for gas at Costco, and I ran in for a few staples we were out of. Cheese strings and spaghetti sauce were on sale! I stumbled upon bath bombs, also. I’ll let you know how those go.

Made it home. Dekker slept the whole way home, so who knows when he’ll fall asleep next. Good thing tomorrow is Saturday! The other kids were a mix of hyperactivity and exhaustion. Funny how those often look the same 😉

Saturdaaaaay! I’m so ready!

My mom was over for the day, and we spent ALL afternoon planning the very real details of Bambina’s baby party. It was SO FUN!!! I cannot wait to celebrate this long-anticipated baby girl, and I truly, genuinely hope you all at least consider coming! Whether I know you follow along with our life or not, please reach out! It is going to be SO exciting to celebrate with so many of you!

I’ve been having trouble nailing down whether to ask people to help me assemble the baby party, or to make it easily attainable for me to just purchase and put on myself. We were able to write out very simple plans and details that she and I could make happen together, with minimal favor-asking. With that, we wrote down everything I’d need to purchase in advance, like paper dishes, some decor, etc. so I can keep an eye out for deals and make those purchases gradually over the next couple of months. I have one or two projects to get on, but its all SO well organized now, and I feel SO excited to actually have things to start on!

Food is chosen and planned out in detail.

Invitation proofs are created.

Decor ideas are nailed down.

Date and time are picked.

There is a list of people to contact.

All is well!! I’m so amped, and SO ready! We had the goal to make some other summer plans as well, but we used up ALL of our time on the baby party. Oops! Sorry, not sorry! Planning for the rest of summer can wait. I just want to partaaaaay!!! And by “partaaay” I mean that we might have mimosas, and thats the “craziest” its going to get 😉

Are you enticed now? Are you coming?!?! COME! BRUNCH! BABY!!!!!

Today was the day! I navigated the weird new blood clinic system, booked my appointment, and got my glucose test done!

True story. I don’t hate the orange drink. I also don’t super like it. My biggest issue with this thing is the shot of PURE sugar SO early in the morning. Gag me. But, I did it. Chugged that sucker back and went back to the waiting room for an hour, finished it up, and headed home. But here was my experience at the new clinic.

I got there around 9:10. My appointment was booked for 9:30. Early, and got good parking no less! Woot! I waited at the little sign until it was my turn and I passed the receptionist my form and health card. I was trying to be on the ball, because that place was already PACKED full. I mentioned that I had booked an appointment. The receptionist responded very loudly to me, asking when it was, confirming who I was, asking my birthday, phone number, etc. She was so loud! She looked at me over her glasses and said “You know this is an hour test, right?” Yes, I reassured her that I knew, and had the time. I was more than polite, and she was more than gruff, but I rolled with it.

Over the next 20 minutes or so, I watched that poor woman field calls and questions from people who weren’t aware of the switch in ownership. To be fair to her, there were TONS of people who hadn’t seen the big sign as they walked in, and she was obviously tired of giving them the spiel, but she was not the gentlest, either. She would loudly, abruptly ask people “Have you been fasting? You have to fast for this!” “Where is your health card? You have to show it to me before I can go further!” and my personal favorite “When did you make this sample? You need to make a new one here!” Juuust no respect whatsoever. She was clearly overwhelmed, but come on. I felt bad for these people.

After my drinky drink, I headed back out to the waiting room for my hour. The overwhelmed receptionist had been swapped out for one who, if I can be so delicate here, didn’t speak the clearest english. No burn on her, but there was definitely a barrier. People would come in and ask why the Dynacare app wasn’t working, and she would just kind of shout “Life Labs!” at them. People were surprisingly nice about her response, and would try to get a bit more information from her.

So I can’t check in anymore?
Life Labs!!

I heard something about appointments. Can I book in advance?
Life Labs!*points to sign* Biiig letters!

How long is the current wait time?
Long time. *points* Life Labs!!

I kid you not. This was just how the rest of my wait went, and it was pretty entertaining. Just one of those funny things where no one spoke but there were a few amused glances being thrown around. Was a big step up from the woman who just yelled.

To their credit, though, the nurses were all lovely! They took their time, and chatted casually. My nurse and I joked the entire time, and I was very comfortable. I am NOT great with blood to begin with (not my own, anyway) and she left me totally at ease. I briefly came in contact with a couple of other ladies back in the cubicles and they all seemed so content and relaxed. It was nice!

So, blood was taken, Starbucks was drank, and milk was purchased before I headed home. The big dump of snow from earlier was already melting and I had some good music going. It was a decent morning, save for the “being stuck with needles” bit. I’m so glad its over and done with, though. We hope for good, unremarkable results, and smooth sailing for here on out! Whatever needs doing to keep the littlest miss healthy and safe!

This time of day is our zero hour. Its our “get everyone out of the house and into the van to go get Dekker” hour. Sometimes its more dramatic than others. Sometimes I’m slightly more on the ball and start a little earlier, just so no one has to rush. Today, the house was silent at this point. Silent. So I waited as long as I could, but finally, I went into the kids rooms to get them up from their naps.

They were ALL fast asleep!

Yes, Solly had opened his eyes in this picture, but when I knelt down to get in his field of vision, he was still faaar off in la la land, deep breathing as though he was fast asleep. Moments after I took this picture, his eyes rolled back and he fell entirely back to sleep.

Sigh.

This almost NEVER happens that I have to wake ALL THREE from a dead sleep, especially after a solid 2-2.5 hour nap! I had even had some company over during nap time, and I assumed that our visiting would’ve at least lulled them awake a little. But nope! Three sleepy little kids were cashed right out.

I started at the top, age wise, and tried to gently lull them awake. It took WORK today. They were all still SO out to lunch. Laela finally woke, and I told her she could take a minute before getting up. Ro was just as asleep, but was up out of bed before Laela was. Solly, on the other hand, lulled quicker, but did not want to stand up. My back is still in rough shape from the weekend, and it hurts quite a bit to pull him in and out of the crib. I tried to urge him to stand up, to which he’d respond with grunts and shrieks when he started getting annoyed with me. I finally got down to his eye level and whispered “We need to go get Dekker.” He giggled like a crazy person and got up instantly.

Sweaty little beast <3

The good attitudes have rolled on, and I’m SO thankful! While it sucks waking them up like that, napping any later than they did would result in a much tougher bedtime. So it was necessary, just kind of a bummer to wake sleeping babes.

But we lived! Can they always nap that well?

WE DID IT!!! We officially made it to my third trimester!! Is it weird that I feel as though it was a joint effort? I could not be where I am, in the mental and physical shape I am in, without SO many of you pouring your love and care into our family. I’m not feeling quite in the home stretch yet, but I know its coming. We are at least in the final third of the pregnancy, and I am thrilled to be here.

Size Comparison: While this weeks comparisons on my Ovia app don’t make a ton of sense, I thought they were adorable! Bambina is apparently the size of a bunch of bananas. 🍌 Also, a camping lantern. You guys know I’m in full lake mode, so I super duper like that one! Though I wouldn’t say a camping lantern is a standard size, nor the size of a bunch of bananas. Google just told me she’s the size of a head of cauliflower. *whispers* Basically, I don’t think anyone knows! I’m going with the more specific estimation of roughly 15″ and slightly over 2 lbs. 

Appointments: To touch back on her size, I really have no ballpark estimation because I haven’t seen her in a long time! Like a month! I have no ultrasounds booked for the foreseeable future, though I admit I’m having a bit of anxiety on that home front (I’ll talk more about that later.) I have a doctors appointment on Friday so we’ll see what Dr. Guselle has to say about it. You guys will know as soon as I know! Beyond that appointment, I’ll do my glucose test this week, assuming I do, in fact, have the new system at the blood clinic worked out! Wish me luck!

How am I feeling emotionally: I’m feeling a bit anxious :/ I have no big reason to think there are problems, because Bambina moves lots and appears to be growing and changing. But for the first time in a long time, I’ve been cramping a lot. I’m familiar with all the weird aches and pains that come along with pregnancy, and these are just straight up cramps. I haven’t had them for a long long time, and I just find them unsettling. Normally, I can hack “unsettling,” but thats been harder for me and my heart this time around. I’d sure love to lay my eyes on her again soon. I know we’re at a point where, if she were to be born, she’d have a great, fighting chance at life! But if I have ANY say in the matter, I’d far rather just run out the pregnancy like normal and have her in three months. If I’ve learned anything over the last year or two, my plans don’t count for much. So I pray, and cry, and pray some more. 

How am I feeling physically: Physically, as mentioned, I’m not feeling ideal. Like, I feel ok in lots of ways. I’m not nauseous. My boobs don’t hurt. My body is fairly well maintained. But I’m cramping lots, I’m very dizzy, and for whatever reason, my lower back has been screaming at me over the last couple of days. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with all of these things at once, but I’m trying not to let it run my life. Usually I do ok with it. Some days it wins. I just so badly want everything to be ok. 

Wish Lish/Purchases: Well if I don’t get an ultrasound from my next doctors appointment, I’ll be having to make a quick decision about whether or not to fork over the money for a 3D ultrasound at the UC-Baby clinic in the city. Both Brady and I are itching to see our little Bambina again, especially since all of this cramping started up, and he even has a couple of days off next week and the week after, so that would be the time!! Thats the biggest “wish” on my wish list currently. Besides that, on a much smaller financial scale, I bought a great pair of maternity shorty shorts at Value Village for $4! I bought two nice new pairs of shorts last summer when I was pregnant and starting to show with Jamin, so now I have three, and that is PERFECT because I’ll be rocking jelly belly this summer 😉 So I’m thankful for all the cute bottoms I can find to suck some of that specialness in!

Pictures: The FIRST picture of me being in my THIRD TRIMESTER!!

I feel HUGE for 27 weeks, but I think its just because it kind of just happened! Like, yes, I’ve been growing for a while, and maybe I was in denial?? I’m not sure. But now, when I lay down on my back, my belly is UP and OUT there, and shiny, hahaha! Its there now, no denying! That being said, this weather HAS to let up, because my winter jacket stopped being able to zip a while ago, and my fall jacket is pretty much at its limit now! It NEEDS to be spring! Aaaaany day now!

How are the kids feeling: On Saturday evening, we had some friends fall into a bit of a bind, and ask if we could entertain their baby girl for a little bit while they figured a few things out. Whats one more, right? We obviously said yes, and for the next 45 minutes or so, our family grew to seven!! And I’ve got to say, it was smooth and awesome and a window into what is to come!

The kid LOVED her!! Everyone was around her, hugging her, showering her with stuffed animals and talking to her in their highest, baby voices. It was SO cute! To her credit, she was pretty chill with all the little people being in her face, and accepted every toy offered to her. She flapped madly and scooted around on her bum, following the crowd of kids when they’d suddenly all bolt to a bedroom or wherever else. She fit in beautifully, and the kids were thrilled to have her! I can’t wait to see the dynamic when we bring their very own little sister home, but Saturday’s stand-in was pretty darn cute!

Getting to know the baby: Bambina already kicks strong enough that she gives me braxton hicks contractions. All. The. Time. She has big feelings for someone so small. Which she comes by honestly. She’ll fit in well with the ladies in her family.

The BEST part of being pregnant: The best part of being pregnant recently has been confidently knowing that she is growing! I can almost always find her little body in my abdomen, proving that she’s running out of room in there. Not running out yet, I suppose, but its getting a bit tight! With that, I can also feel more and more of her movements. Its no longer about kicks and more about her rolling and shifting and just moving around in general. Last night she was laying across my belly (transverse) and while it was definitely uncomfortable for me, and was lumpy and weird and hard, I could feel every movement! I felt obvious bumps – what I assume were knees or maybe a shoulder – and I could tap them and rub them and she’d move them. It was so bizarre and awesome and while I HOPE and pray that she gets into the right position for delivery when the time comes, I’m genuinely enjoying the stage (and discomforts) that come with her summersaulting around my uterus. 

Favourite thing: I think I can safely say that my favorite thing this week is my moms spaghetti and meat sauce. Most of the time when she makes it, she makes enough for an army and sends the leftovers home with us. What makes her spaghetti SO good is that, instead of spaghetti noodles, she pours the meat sauce overtop of those shorty white soup noodles. Guys, its a game changer!! Not only do you not have to cut them up for your kids to eat, but they are just a bit lighter so you can eat MORE of them!! I feel like the sauce stays on them better too, as opposed to traditional spaghetti where you basically eat the noodles and then eat the meat out of the bottom of the bowl. This is just SO much better. If you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend it! She also throws a tin of tomato soup in with the sauce, to make it just that much sweeter! Delicious!

Another successful week has come and gone, and brought me into the final three months. I’m so thankful to see how many things are popping up in my schedule, actively filling my weeks and hopefully helping time more forward. My prenatal appointments will come up more frequently, two of my kids are behind in their vaccines, two need eye appointments soon, and really we could ALL use a visit to the dentist. I have commitments at church, on a town committee, and to my friends and family. Solly will have a birthday. I will go on a road trip with Jerilee, and hopefully we’ll be able to take the kids to the lake for a few Saturdays in spring. I have a makeup job or two booked, and a couple of fun music things coming up, as well. I need to prepare my house for a new baby, and plan her a party! (For the record, I just googled other ways to say “kick ass” because I want the party to be that level of awesome. Most notable synonyms were tubeular, forceful, and chief. Not exactly what I had in mind.) But seriously, those things, in three months. Sprinkle some beautiful weather in there, hanging out with friends in the sun, walking to and from school rather than driving, etc. I anticipate time will whip on by! I’m so ready!

We did this new thing last night, and I’m pleased to say that they all slept!! TOGETHER!

It may not seem that strange for some people. I know people share rooms with their kids regularly, but this is new territory for us. I’m so glad we tried it, and so were the kids! Dekker has been aching to share a room with Solly, so he was pumped. Laela liked having the biggest (tallest) bed. Rowan loved the freedom of sleeping on the floor. It was tricky to keep him from just jumping all over the beds. And Solly was AMPED to have all the company! They were STOKED.

As expected, their sleep took longer to find, and they woke earlier than usual, but hey, it was our first attempt. They were all happy to get up together, but most of them were noticeably worn out before lunch. Nap time was looming, and they knew it!

Laela didn’t sleep, though she sure seemed like she needed to! Rowan did, and Solly is still cashed out 2.5 hours later. He hasn’t moved from where Brady lay him down in his crib. But thats awesome! I love when they nap hard like that!

I’m so glad we tried this with our little circus of sweeties, and I think they are too! I see many more sleepovers in their future.

Once again, my lovely friend hit it out of the park. Cher, who comes over once a month-ish to take pictures of my Bambina belly, offered us a night out yesterday, to go out for dinner and to see a movie. She had seen and been really touched by the movie “I Can Only Imagine” and really wanted us to see it to. So much so that she offered to care for our little brood while we went to it. What a HUGE gift!! We jumped at it, obviously. She came over around 4:00 on Friday and sent us off after my brief instructions of when bedtime happens roughly and if there were any specifics. There weren’t.

Once at Boston Pizza, she sent me this beautiful picture, and I knew my kids were in good hands. Happy hands.

We enjoyed our evening away very very much. Supper was delicious, and the movie was very touching. A definite thinker. The movie is a retelling of the life of the man who wrote the song “I Can Only Imagine.” I don’t want to spoil it, but he suffers through an abusive childhood, overcomes it to a degree, but can’t fully succeed without going back home and addressing his issues. Its very God centred, which I love to see in theatres. It was a great, sad story. I think the general message the movie was trying to send was about keeping God as your centre, and He will direct your path. This guy followed, even when it SUCKED, and he won!! The biggest thing I took from the movie, however, is the reminder that my actions will affect my children forever, and I want those actions to have a good effect on them! I don’t ever want them to feel like they’re not good enough for me, or that they can’t achieve their goals. I do NOT want to minimize them, but build them up!! It is SO important, and its easy to lose sight of some days when you’re struggling to keep your head above water.

Today, news of the Humboldt Broncos accident is everywhere. The last I heard was 15 deceased, 14 injured. Its been confirmed that a few of the deceased were adults, but odds would have it that most are the players. The young players. Teenagers. I know a lot of people are shaken, myself included. But whats burning in my brain the most is that these kids’ parents time was cut short. They didn’t get a chance to go back and fix what they possibly screwed up. They didn’t EVER think that sending their kids out to achieve their dreams would cost them their lives at the drop of a hat.

I’m reminded that life is fleeting, and we just never, ever know. I don’t mean to be dark and morbid, but its been an interesting two-day shake down for me to remember what a huge responsibility it is to parent children, and how I need the do the very best I can, with unconditional, unceasing love!

I’m so grateful for my children. Aren’t they amazing? I know I am fortunate for every single day I have with them. And I’m so thankful for the people in my life who pour into our family so often. I never realized how necessary they are. People are not kidding when they say it takes a village to raise a family, and I’m SO thankful for our willing, thoughtful, sensitive, initiative-taking village. I’m amazed as I watch it grow. Thank you, all. You know who you are.

Its not been a secret that things have been tricky over here, age and stage wise. This morning, we had a lovely moment of hope, and a reminder to me that things are still sinking in, and my continued efforts to parent diligently and consistently are paying off. Its worth it, no matter how exhausting these weeks have been. No joke, we spent a comfy, relaxed day at my moms yesterday and still I was cashed out asleep at 9:15pm. I am SO tired.

This morning, a few of the kids were playing in the bedrooms. They love to play in the bedrooms, but lately its been something I haven’t allowed. The reason for this is that they fight almost non-stop and I’m either getting up and breaking up the fights every two minutes or I have to literally scream to get their attention. Its awful, and I HATE yelling at them 🙁 I’ve done more of that than I care to admit recently, and I’m working hard to turn that around. However, today, they began playing in the bedrooms and they weren’t fighting, so I figured I’d let it go and see how long it would last.

After just a few minutes, Laela popped out and told me she had made Dekker’s bed! I usually have the kids straighten their beds in the mornings, but it had just gotten missed on this lazy home day. She had seen it and done it all on her own. I thanked her, and told her she was very thoughtful to do that job, especially for someone else. She was very pleased with herself and ran off to make Rowan’s bed. Dekker popped out from behind a couch (no joke) and agreed with me, saying Laela was being SO nice! The lightbulb went off, and he exclaimed “I should go make Laela’s bed for her!!” and off he scampered.

Once all beds were straightened, the kids came out to brag up their good work, and instead of me getting to praise them up right away, they all thanked each other and had a group hug. No word of a lie. I’m SO smitten with them!

These moments save my life some days, haha! We haven’t had many “its working!” moments in the recent past, but I’m SO thankful when they come along! In the midst of the days where my kids scream and snap at each other and disobey at positively every turn, they still have it built into their brains and hearts to think of each other and perform good deeds and give gifts of love. I’m SO thrilled that its in there!! Silly little (brutal) stages won’t change the roads that have been set.

At least I suuuper hope not!!