It has been suggested that I always keep my cool around my kids. Well, I do not. Sometimes, I flip my lid, just like everyone else. Today was one of those days.
The kids were fine this morning. Its a pretty normal day. Dekker has entered a new fun stage of correcting Laela at every turn. If she speaks, she is WRONG. And its driving me up the wall! I was struggling hard with it today, because she’s started to fight back. Honestly, I’m ok with my kids figuring some of that stuff out between themselves. I want them to communicate well without me always refereeing. But when they’re both resorting to just saying mean things or screaming, I’m done letting them work it out. Then mom intervenes.
Rowan and Solly ate lunch and went down for naps a bit early, so the big kids tidied up the floor and lay out a blanket to play Lego. I figured they should have a snack first, at least, so I suggested a popcorn party (aka: eating popcorn on the floor while watching some tv) and they were thrilled. While I was in the kitchen putting popcorn into bowls and unwrapping fruit bars, Dekker snapped on Laela again. AGAIN! And I absolutely lost it.
I chastised him for being so mean to someone who he loves SO much, and someone who loves him SO much, and how would he feel if she did that to him constantly, and all that stuff. And then I burst out crying and sank to the floor. I had a good long cry there. I heard Dekker crying a little bit from the living room, where he sat on the blanket they had laid out. A couple of times, I heard Laela ask if I was ok. I told her I would be ok, but I needed to have a cry. “Ok mommy,” she said.
So I took my cry, because I needed one, and then some deep breaths, because you guys know I needed those too. At that point, Laela quietly, very politely asked “Mommy, you want to get some food for us please?” I said I would get them food in a minute or two. I was just finishing my cry. And she followed up with “Want some help?”
I took her up on it.
She came to the kitchen and waited beside me while I got things unwrapped and ready. She brought a fruit bar over to Dekker, which he thanked her for. Then she brought hers over and sat down beside him. I reminded them to pray, and instantly I heard Dekker yell “NO LAELA DONT EAT WE HAVE TO PRAAAAAY!” I looked over and Laela was sitting still, looking at me while Dekker was chewing his bite. Honestly, I don’t even care that he had taken a bite already, but MAN I was angry at him for yelling at her when he had done the exact thing he was freaking out about her not doing! I raised my voice and said “Come on, Dekker!! She didn’t do anything wrong! It was YOU who took the bite!” Laela looked at me and just said “Its ok, mommy.”
So. I don’t love how today went down. And I’m still struggling with Dekker’s new attitude towards Laela. But I really appreciate my kids, and how they handled it when I needed a cry. Dekker and Laela still love me, and they still love each other. Today, though, standards are low. Everyone is alive, and that is all I can ask for.
Wish us luck for a better day tomorrow!