You guys, I didn’t mean to underestimate you, but I NEVER expected the outpouring of love we received on yesterday’s post!! I honestly wasn’t sure how it would be received. I didn’t know if people would be put off that I had shared something personal that could be seen as taboo. I was a bit worried, but I also wanted to record this time for me, and for my family. It will go in our blog books, and be a very significant post that we’ll read years from now and reminisce about who Theo would have been. Thank you, all, for your support, your compassion, and your lack of judgement.
I learned something really important yesterday, and I wanted to share it with you.
I learned that SO MANY PEOPLE have lost babies! SO MANY!!! In the amazing amount of comments, texts, and private messages I received, there was a shocking amount of stories in there, where many of you recounted your previous losses and sorrows. My heart ached with every story, because I’ve been there. I am there. Guys, SO MANY PEOPLE have been there!! No one’s story is the same, and no one’s pain is the same, but the common goal was. In no way am I saying that everyone should be public about their personal struggles, I promise I’m not saying that! But talking about my family’s loss in a public forum was very therapeutic for me. It makes it all feel a bit more normal, and like we can now talk about Theo more easily in our daily life. And best of all, I feel far more normal knowing that I’m not the only one out there who last lost a baby. I knew this, obviously, but to hear it from others made a difference for me.
Conveniently, today is Bell’s “Let’s Talk” day. Now, to be fair, I don’t use Bell, but I understand that it claims to put a small amount of money towards mental health initiatives for every single text sent, call places, tweet posted, etc. I know this isn’t necessarily what they were thinking, but I am FULLY on board with the idea. WE NEED TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT HARD THINGS! Not always publicly at all, but we know I’m not the most private person 😉 But people need to be able to talk to someone. Please, talk about your loss with someone. Me, even! You can talk to me! Or don’t, lol, thats ok too! I don’t want to sound corny or cliche, but there is just is really no need to suffer in silence, or feel shame, or anything like that. YOU do what YOU need to do to grieve. In the case of losing babies, make sure your spouse/partner is doing what they need to do to mourn their loss as well. I can say that Brady is just as sad and grief stricken as I am, because it was very much his baby as well.
Whatever. I’m not trying to start some big thing, and I fear that I’m going to say something wrong and get ripped apart on it, so I’m going to stop. I just encourage you to step back and look at your stuff. In this case, in my case, its the loss of our boy. I want to step back and make sure I’m dealing on it. Not just forgetting him, and not just waiting for they physical signs of loss to be over, but really addressing what happened. For me, a big part of that was writing it out. For you, maybe its going for a walk and praying. Maybe its coming over for coffee and chatting with me about it, or going to someone else for coffee and talking about it. Maybe its writing it in a journal. Maybe its planting a flower specifically for that baby in spring. Maybe its having another big cry about it with your family. Whatever you do, don’t bury it. It’ll hurt so much worse later. At least thats what I think.
I’m just babbling now, half pep talking myself, to be honest. Its been a strange day for me, feeling so relieved after writing yesterday’s post, but physically feeling our loss more than I have yet. I feel positive and hopeful, but my body aches and pains are worse than usual. Its a weird day, and I’m sure there are a lot more to come. There is still a lot to process.
I hope today finds you well. And to the huge amount of people who got in touch one way or another yesterday, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reaching out to us!! Every one of you made an impact by showing us love and compassion and even just interest in our life! Thank you thank you thank you for all of your amazing support!!