After two completely different days, I had no idea how today would play out. I had a prenatal appointment, so I figured it was one little outing in the middle of a potentially totally normal day. I figured I’d know pretty quickly how it was going to go.
The kids were good through breakfast, which I’m sure had something to do with the freshly cracked box of Froot Loops. Afterwards, we played downstairs and I caught up with my mom on the phone. When it was time, I hauled diapers, fresh clothes, and winter stuff downstairs so we could get all ready in one place. Dekker was happy to be “going on a trip” which is what everything is when it involves driving in the van. They were both totally cute in their outfits, and looked fresh and nice.
Hesitation set in when we didn’t turn off the highway at Grandmas. Yes. Dekker knows the turn. So that became less exciting. I told him I had to go see the doctor. That seemed ok, but not ideal. So we turned on happy music. We picked Brady up from work and kept driving. Dekker requested we stop at Superstore, since he always gets a cookie there, and yes, he knows the sign. Again, no, we were going somewhere else. Grandmas house? No. That was followed by a solid ten second high pitched unwavering scream.
It was then decided that Dekker was not invited to the doctors office today. Brady said he would take Dekker to Home Depot to pick up a few things he needed for work anyway. And then we decided it would be even easier for me to be hands free. Laela is pretty easy but always cries when I’m at any kind of appointment and climb up onto a table or bed and leave her on her own, which is justified, but sad. So Brady took the kids and I went to my appointment. I really, really appreciated it. While I can handle Laela’s tears, I feel weirdly on the verge today with my emotions. Like I could burst out crying at any moment for not particular reason. Anyone else get like that sometimes? I feel incredibly emotionally unstable today. Not like, in a dangerous way, but in a way that makes me, you guessed it, feel like crying. I think this is the first time since becoming a mom that I feel totally and completely one hundred percent in over my head. I know we’ll make it, and then its just been a few challenging days. I KNOW it will blow over, and while I don’t always feel it, I know that in my right mind, I feel confident in how we have chosen to parent. But today, I feel at a loss, and like I have no idea what I’ll possibly do with three kids. I cannot WAIT for baby three to arrive, I adore that boy more than life itself, but today is a day that I feel shaky.
All of that aside, a bit of a break was nice today. I never feel bogged down by going to the doctor. So I waited for a short time before being let in. I gained five pounds, which is more than I’ve gained my entire pregnancy up to this point, so that was a bit unsettling, but I’m in my second half, and its common to gain a pound a week! So five pounds in four weeks isn’t that rough really. Dr. Guselle checked me all out, and gave me the form for the next bout of blood testing, including the glucose drink test. Not my favorite test, but with the size of kids I produce, I’m happy to oblige. Honestly, my biggest annoyance with it is having to wait the hour. I’m so thankful I’ve never had to go for a two hour one! She also listened to the baby, obviously, and his heartbeat checked out around 147 bpm. It was really easy to find, which always makes me feel good. Turns out, she read on the ultrasound report, that a have an anterior placenta, so its laying kind of between baby and my stomach, which is why it took so much longer than I expected to feel him move. It took longer to start, and then it took longer to really be able to feel it confidently, but now I know it was because he had an uber barrier to kick through, and it was only going to get stronger while he got bigger. Its all good now.
When it was over, Brady and the kids were back and I brought him back to work. The kids proceeded to have a disastroud ride home that I won’t get into. I was sooo ready to put them down for a nap, even though its pretty late in the day and probably not the best idea. I don’t want to sound awful, but I feel like I need a bit of space from them at the moment.
While I changed their diapers and put them in sweats, I gave Laela some milk since she hadn’t eaten in the city like Dekker. He lay beside her and nuzzled her and told her he loved her, and was very soft to her. I turned all the lights off and the three of us hung out on the floor while Laela finished her bottle. It was probably our nicest moment of the day.
Now, Brady is home and I’m in bed, doing this and soon to be watching some YouTube. The kids are awake in their room, but hanging out relatively quietly so far. One of Laela’s Christmas gifts came in the mail today, which I am THRILLED about! I wish I could show you all, but I haven’t decided to let you in on gifts along the way or all at once in the new year. We’ll have to see. But there will be even more positives yet today. I am determined to make it happen!
Sorry for the negative posts lately. I’m trying so hard, but feeling incredibly emotional and a bit out of control. Doing my best over here!