The Daily Hailey

Today was very strange. I’m not sure how to even really break it down, as my memory is hazy and unreliable at best. I can assure it was filled with a lot of mommy fails, followed by a LOT of apologies directed at my kids. Lots of me being really mean, and then really nice, and struggling to find that nice safe place in the middle that all of us work so hard to find. To always be sweet, and loving, but firm. I really failed at that today.

Praise the Lord, Brady finished his work for the day in time to come get us all and drive us to my prenatal appointment today. Driving might not have been the best idea for me. I was just SO lethargic. We got to our appointment and I managed to unwrap a few snacks I had brought along so my kids would maaaybe sit quietly, but like I’ve said recently, while they’re definitely on the mend, they are pretty temperamental these days, and outings are HARD, even when nothing is expected of them.

We got in to see our student doctor, and she could tell I was in rough shape. I described to her that we had just finished up a full week of fevers and colds and whatever else with the kids, and now I’m down with it, so I’m in worse shape than usual. She offered if she could possibly dump anything else on me in my pregnancy, and I invited her to just shovel it on, at this point. I can’t imagine what else could possibly join the mix at this point. I feel like she’s going to meet a VERY different person when our baby is earthside and I am no longer struggling quite so hard. There have just been so many extras this time around, that being pregnant has proved to be incredibly difficult. Yes, being pregnant is tiring, and it can be wearing. Totally. Being sick the amount we have been sick since Christmas is also very tiring and will wipe me out. How about moving three times since Christmas, with another one coming? Yup, that is incredibly stressful. Consider now that LOTS of other things go on in our lives that I do NOT make public, many of which are really hard things, that we struggle with. Any one of these things feels like a pretty heavy load. So all of it together is making me start to lose grip, I think. Please pray for us. We just need to get through these next couple of weeks.

Something else that was different about this appointment was that none of my answers to her questions were “good” answers. Hows my body pain? Its worse. MUCH worse. Contractions? MUCH worse, mush more aggressive. Sleep? Sometimes I literally am getting NONE. I mean, true, my feet aren’t swelling (Thank you Lord, for that) and baby is still moving a ton. There are pros. But it was definitely a more “downer” appointment than usual.

I was also the lucky lady who got swabbed for group B strep today. *eye roll* Everyones favorite swab. For those wondering, this swab is totally routine, no big deal. I’ve never tested positive, but previous pregnancies don’t matter in this case, and your result could be different anytime. If I’m GBS positive, they’ll just need to know so they can give me and baby some antibiotics right after delivery. Not a big deal. But we shall see.

Speaking of delivery, I STILL don’t know anything about mine 🙁 It feels SO strange being this far into a pregnancy and having no plans!!! But I guess there are different protocols with different clinics, and at my doctors new clinic, they put in a formal requisition for an induction no sooner than two weeks prior to the date we’re looking for. Since that is still a little ways away, we wait. Again. It just feels so strange. I know a date wouldn’t really help with anything, but it might help me just feel slightly more prepared. Right now I feel 110% scatter brained, but I’m trying! I’m starting to gather things together for the big day, because there are certain things I DO have control over, and I’m hoping that taking that control will help me feel better. I’ll mention it all again at our next appointment next week. I’m officially up to weeklies now!

I felt pretty wiped and frustrated coming out of my appointment, so we stopped at Tims for my yummy tea and a cherry cheese danish. Now, I’m safely tucked away in bed, trying to regroup, and Brady is out with the kids, getting supper on the move and taking over things. I have no idea what I’d do if I didn’t have the help I have <3

Tomorrow will be a better day!