This morning, Brady headed out super early to get the winter tires put on the van. I will admit that I have substantial apprehension with him doing his first day out in winter conditions without me. I know he is capable, and I know I’m not his saving grace, but for the first experience, I just wish I was with him.
He said goodbye to me before he left, even though I was mostly asleep. He used to do this every day before work. I’d sometimes sleep through it completely, but usually I lulled a little and could feel loved a little bit extra before my day even began. Him coming and saying goodbye to me this morning left me feeling all warm and fuzzy. Very loved. Very nostalgic.
Once he had gone, I rolled over towards the centre of our bed, and I sprawled and stretched like a cat. And I didn’t bump into anyone. Because Brady’s side of the bed was empty.
And woosh! I was back to when he lived at the hospital. SO fast that happened. I have not jumped up in bed and flipped on a light so fast in a long long time. I hated remembering that time so vividly. I hated feeling how it felt. I hated how my body felt torn between comfort and dreadful loneliness. I had gone from such comfort to such sorrow in a split second, and I hated it.
So this brief stretch of day has already been quite the shakedown, but I will come through it. And so will Brady. He will make it home safe, and then we’ll have winter tires and I can worry even less!
God knows what we need.
Awwww. This makes my heart cry. I’m so sorry my darling. Those were such tough days without you beloved with you. You were so brave and courageous. And yet, it really hurt , didn’t it, Hailey.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May His face shine upon you and be gracious to you, and give you peace.
I love you, sweetheart.