A couple of days ago, Brady and I were hanging out with the kids, and we were commenting on how funny and cute Solly was being at that moment. The older kids started talking about how much they love Solly, and then how much they love each member of the family. Laela closed it off with “I love the baby in mommy’s tummy so much.” After a short pause, Brady reminded her that I don’t have a baby in my tummy anymore. Laela said that made her sad, and we agreed that we were sad, too. And then the moment passed, like it always does, and play started back up again.
Our whole house wants another baby, basically. The kids are so aware of everything that happened with our last pregnancy, and they talk about it a lot. When we load into our vehicle, usually either Dekker or Laela comments on how there are more seats to fill with more babies, who will soon be KIDS! Its endearing.
On the subject of baby fever, I had a dream the other night that was just so vivid. I probably wouldn’t normally share stuff like this, but since we’ve decided to be quite so public with our whole pregnancy/family building journey, it doesn’t make me feel vulnerable telling you I am literally dreaming about having babies.
In my dream, I was very pregnant, and I was home alone. Like alone. So we know it was definitely a dream, haha! No Brady, no kids. But the house was definitely lived in by kids, because in my alone time at home, I was doing mounds of dishes. Like to the point that they were on the island, counter, and covering the table. We also know this is a dream, because the dishwasher was running, and it appeared that I was just washing everything else by hand. This would NEVER be a reality, haha! I have no patience for hand washing dishes, and would much more likely wait for the cycle to end, unpack and reload the dishwasher as many times as it took. Buuut it was a dream. So to get back to it, I had finished washing, drying, and putting away a counter-full of dishes. I stepped over to the table to gather an armful of dishes to keep washing them, and I had a strong contraction, out of nowhere.
I’m not unfamiliar with contractions, but it was very reminiscent of Laela’s labour, where contractions started HARD and labour was FAST. It was VERY painful. I let my contraction finish, and the moment it let up, I thought “I have to call someone.” I turned away from the table empty handed, and made it two steps into my kitchen before another contraction came on like a ton of bricks. I grabbed the island top with my right hand and waited while the contraction amped.
As the pain went up, I felt the baby go down. DOWN. I remember the distinct feeling from when I had Laela. Suddenly, her head was coming out. I dropped down onto my knees, and held my hand on her head as it came the rest of the way. The contraction lulled at that point, and I sat and stared at her face, and her hair. She had a lot of it. When I felt another contraction coming, I got ready for it, and I guided the rest of her body out of mine.
It. Was. So. Peaceful.
And I was so proud of myself. Maybe that’s silly, but bear with me.
I’ve thought a LOT about having a baby unexpectedly at home. While I don’t plan for a home birth, there is a chance I’ll end up with one, with the way I don’t tend to feel labour until its zero hour. In all of my daydreams about having a baby on my own, I’m scared. And in PAIN. I often see myself trying to find a bed and laying down as I shake in fear and pain, trying to have my baby. But in this dream, I had a job to do. I was capable. I didn’t panic. I was definitely in pain, I remember that. It wasn’t all sugarcoated. It HURT. But that didn’t matter. I had a baby to deliver. Instead of going and trying to find somewhere comfy to lie down, I got into a more favourable position to deliver the baby with gravity on my side. Personally, I think Dream Hailey did a pretty bang up job of delivering her own baby.
I know this is all just a dream, but it made me feel like Real Life Hailey would probably do a pretty decent job of delivering her own baby if she found herself in unexpected circumstances as well. I am NOT an expert in labour and delivery, and I struggle to even consider myself an experienced mother, but I have had a few different labours and deliveries, and I think I have enough information to get through such a situation successfully. I hope I do, anyway.
Sometimes, dreams are just dreams. I don’t read too deep into them. I don’t anticipate delivering a baby alone in my kitchen. But I do feel like this dream was from God, showing me that He is in control of whats going to happen, and when its going to happen. That He will direct me through everything and anything. His hand is in everything, and I trust that.
It was such an exciting dream, you guys.
God bless you, my darling. I’m so glad you want to walk confidently with God. He is faithful always and will always help us in times of trouble. It says in the Bible that even when the earthquakes come and the mountains crumbles into the sea God will help us so we don’t need to be afraid. I love you Hailey.
I love you too <3 He is indeed faithful! And he knows what we can take. I need that reminder constantly!
I love this. I have often struggled with dreams over the years and finding an appropriate spiritual understanding of them. In my opinion, this dream was definitely meaningful. It was your brain figuring out something that has been on your mind (and in your dreams) for a very long time. This time, the anxiety was relieved. What a powerful experience! I have had a few of those over the years and they have stuck with me. Clear as day. I really hope this have given you confidence and relieved some stuff that was stirring in the back (and front) of your mind. I have a feeling you will always remember that dream. Clear as day.
YES. You get it. I’m not suggesting that its fully prophetic and that I’m going to drop a baby in my living room one day, BUT it feels very much like a message that I could do if it I had to. Like God and instinct would come together and take care of me and the baby. Its all still SO vivid, I don’t anticipate forgetting it anytime soon!! <3 Thanks for understanding!