I had a phone appointment with my doctor last week to look at my medication and see what we can do next. If you don’t remember, I’m on a handful of different things to manage my shiny new off-the-wall anxiety, and we’re working towards getting my quality of life back with far less medication. I have no regrets, to be clear. I was desperate, and we treated symptoms as needed until I was ready to talk BIG changes. For the last month, we’ve been working on getting me off of some things, and onto another. The new med should cover ALL the bases, and be the only pill I need. Thats the hope, anyway.
In the last month, I was able to ween completely off my sleeping pill!!! This is a HUGE victory!! I have not taken it over the last week or two, and I am still sleeping comfortably. I have experienced some withdrawal along the way, and my doctor has warned me I might still have some side effects over over the next month. I’m not afraid š I am SO happy to be off that one. Thank you, Lord!
As previous discussed, the next thing was to go down on my antidepressant. Don’t worry, guys, I know I still need one. Just switching to the new one š However, I was quite discouraged, and honestly, disappointed with myself, because during my call with my doctor, it became clear that she didn’t believe I was ready to go off of it yet. I listened to her reasoning, understood it for myself, and had my cry after the call. Now that I’m a little further from it, I can really grasp it, and it just makes me so much more thankful for my doctor.
Her reasoning began with me telling her that I still have heartburn attacks that come out of nowhere and hit hard. She didn’t like that very much, and asked me a bunch of questions about what I eat and drink, and when I do those things. It came to light very quickly that, as embarrassing as it sounds, I have to relearn food. Its like I’m a child, and I need a parent to make me eat properly and help me know what I need. Remember, I have lost a lot of weight and have struggled to keep food down all year. Now, with my new medication, my appetite is normal again, and I am actually hungry for meals! So I eat more, obviously, and now my body is feeling things that are normal for everyone, but new to me.
I shouldn’t wait 8 hrs between meals, surviving only on coffee. Eating after the kids go to bed is cool, but I have to eat in the middle there. 3:00 ish. That is a perfect explanation for why I’m suffering from large dips in my mood and energy in the evenings.
Also, I have started drinking significantly more coffee since Brady came home. He drinks more than me in general, so when he brews more, or pours himself more, I have more, too. And that, along with not eating or drinking properly, is really messing me up.
Blood sugar is important to know about.
Caffeine is important to know about.
The decisions I make today will affect me tomorrow. If I make poor food and drink choices today, I could very well have heartburn the next morning. That makes perfect sense.
With this all considered, though, Dr. Guselle doesn’t want me to change ALL my food habits while I’m trying to get off of an antidepressant. So that, unfortunately, is on hold. I was a little devastated, having not met the appropriate guidelines. I felt like I had failed.
But!! How AMAZING is it to have a family doctor who actually talks about diet as an important part of our health?! She was so loving to me, saying she didn’t want my body to have to suffer harder than it needed to at any given time. She knows I don’t have it in me to “power through” the way I want to. She said she knows coffee is more of a ritual for me than a desperate need for energy, and she really does not want to take that from us. “Does it still count as hanging out if you’re drinking decaf?” she asked. I thought that was really cute š And yes, it does still count!
So. This is what I’ve been working on.
In the morning, before the kids get up, Brady and I always have coffee in bed. Now, I have boost instead. I survived on boost while Brady was in the hospital, and I can tell you that there is a place for meal replacement drinks. Boost doesn’t taste funny or grainy, and is a really fitting thing to have in the morning. So, first thing, I have a meal replacement drink. Brady has a coffee, but I’m too drowsy to be offended, haha!
Then, I have something in me when I take my morning meds, and I have some energy to get the kids up and going.
Once they leave, we usually have another coffee together. So we still do that, but thats my first cup. I make a point to eat something with it. Toast, usually. Simple food, because I still don’t care too too much about food.
After lunch is nap time for the little ones. Thats usually when Brady and I have our lunch. So we eat, and drink water. Its after nap time that I usually would have more coffee. This coffee has become a “hit or miss” coffee, because I know its good to cut back, but I also really enjoy it! So usually after 3:00ish, I find something to drink that isn’t water. Maybe its a decaf something. Or chocolate milk. Or maybe nothing. If I’m feeling super draggy, I do allow myself another coffee. This would be my second cup of coffee of the day, if I have it. If we eat at a normal supper time with the kids, then I don’t have a snack with my coffee. If we’re going to eat later, I will make sure I eat something with my coffee. And not just something tiny like a cheese string. Maybe a granola bar, or a small serving of leftovers. But something that my body and brain can use to make it to the end of the day without completely frying.
And guys, its working š I’m still taking my heartburn medication as I was before, but I haven’t had an overpowering attack in a while. I had been back to taking my emergency nausea medication every morning for heartburn, and I haven’t had to since this change. So there is marked improvement.
I have hopes of being heartburn free someday in my future. Even this year. Maybe in this coming month. That is my ideal. But the pressure is off, because I know I’m being healthy and learning how to listen to my body. I didn’t for so long, I think it just stopped talking to me. Then when it started again, it yelled. But it had every right to want to be heard.
I’m with it now. Finally. Its been a long time coming, but I’m here. We just have to get my stomach acid listening to reason, as I’m finally giving it food to eat rather than my own insides. I know I’m late to the game, and I have to pay for my choices, but I hope the wrath of the burn is almost over so I can finally move forward.