The day wrapped up hard yesterday. I won’t get into it. But I was a wreck. Since my meds have been sorted out, I’ve been so much clearer and level, but goodness yesterday just pushed me over the edge. I struggled and failed and did not come out on top. I still felt it this morning, but the show still had to go on! Now that I am tucked in upstairs for a rest, I am able to see clearly that there were some successes along the way. Some. Definitely not all. But it counts.
Yesterday in the midst of struggle, my kids all ate their supper without complaining. I was on my own with them, and felt completely gutless. I opted to make scrambled eggs, but rather than just doing toast and eggs, which is perfectly acceptable and happens a lot here, I fried up some leftover peppers to go into the eggs, as well as adding leftover bacon and shredded cheese. My kids don’t care for things all mixed together, but clearly I felt strong enough to take that risk, and it went over well. I know some people believe that children can’t understand gratefulness until they’re older, but when my three year old gets my attention and says “Mommy, I love this meal! Thank you for making this!” I will beg to differ. It was a total win.
Last night I also whipped up some Christmas treats. I originally counted this as a bit of a fail because it wasn’t a complicated treat and they didn’t turn out perfectly. But I can see now that the fact that I even tried counts for something. And they don’t look great, but they’re yummy! So its a win!
Once everyone was down for the night, I remembered to take my medication at the right time, and crocheted an entire toque before going to bed! Win win!
This morning I had the tiniest bit of heartburn brewing within me, but I didn’t panic, and I ate some toast, and it simmered down to nothing. A HUGE win!! Also, it was a good healthy reminder of why I’m still on heartburn medication. Sometimes I get ballsy and think about kicking off of it fast, cold turkey, and its usually right as that idea starts bubbling up that the acid does, too. God knows. I hear You. Currently, that heartburn med is a win, and I’m grateful for it.
Cher came with me this morning to get some snacks from Coop to carry us through the Christmas munchies. I felt scattered and wished I had been more organized. Yet, we got everything we came for! Win!
On top of ALL of these things that felt like flops in the moment, I can say with confidence that there is love and security in my life, with all of our people and all of our relationships. THAT is the biggest win of these bumpy weird days. My failures were really just bumps. I am abounding with gratefulness for the loving people we are blessed to have in our lives.