I’m sorry if you’re getting bored of pictures of my filthy children. Our life is a solid mix of scary cancer stuff, and kids that are head to toe dirt. Not a lot in between, haha! Our time outside yesterday was pretty cute and pretty dirty. I don’t have a picture of Dekker, unfortunately, but please take my word for it that I dearly love him too!! He just hides out a little when everyone is rowdy outside, and takes some alone time. I can’t blame him. I like alone time too.
Aaaaanyway, here’s the other kids.
Rowan didn’t feel like getting super dirty, and he kind of just wanted to do what I was doing. So we both read on the deck for a little bit 🙂 It was nice.
Laela lives with this perpetual crust of dirt on her face. I will wipe her down, and ask her to wash her face, and no matter what, there continues to be dirt on her face. Still. Forever.
Solly was just so stinking charming here, hahaha! I couldn’t not laugh at his derpy face.
And Miss Wavy gets SO dirty that she looks a little scary, hahaha!
Or like a lot scary. But don’t worry, I washed her before bed, haha!
So much dirt. And almost all of the kids hate baths. If all the health stuff doesn’t take us down, these filthy kids might!
I hear people can purchase sod cut offs for cheaper than full blown sod. Confirm or deny. Asking for a friend, of course 🙃
Brady and I were granted the beautiful privilege of having a day away together yesterday. Not only did we get to be kid-free and out of the house, but we went to our lake spot 😍 Our first visit of the year! We have tight limits these days, so we went just for the day, just to make some plans, just to get a feel for what this upcoming season might look like and what we might need that is different from last year.
I won’t make you wait. It was the BEST day. We really couldn’t have asked for more.
We drove into our spot and checked everything over. Looked good! We went into the camper next. It is exactly how we left it!! It looks amazing. None of our measures taken against rodents were even disturbed. Praise the Lord for a critter-free camper!!!
We have some plans in the making for this season, but we can handle SO little at once :/ So this day was just for planning. We called the site manager to let him know we were there, and he headed right over to meet with us, as we had planned. He was very surprised to see Brady in a wheelchair, so we had quite a bit of catching up to do. He was really warm and understanding, and very willing to help. He quickly got on topic about where we wanted to move our camper, and if it were possible, and he eagerly offered to go get his skid steer. Rather than just planning with us, he decided the camper move was happening NOW.
I have no pictures of us moving the camper because it was a very hands on process, and it was much more on me this year! The site manager offered up understanding that he knew Brady would prefer to be in there like a dirty shirt, which was both insightful and true, but he was so encouraging that I would be able to do it, too, which was also insightful and true 😉 I’ve not always been given the opportunity to be strong and handy and helpful, and yesterday, I got to. He showed me how to get the legs up under the camper, where to move the railroad tie, and how to block things properly. He also explained to me where he was going to drive the camper, where I needed to be, and where it was the most likely to hit. He would be driving backwards the entire time, very very close up against the trailer, so I needed to be his eyes. I loved that he trusted me.
He raised the camper up, and I climbed under the pulled pins, and locked the feet up. I dragged the tie to the side of the sight into the bush, and then helped guide him out. He definitely knew what he was doing, but our camper is pretty big and it wasn’t an easy gig. We did a whole round around the hill until we got back close to our site. By that time, one of his friends, who also resides at camp, had come to help, and myself, he, and Brady guided the camper into place together.
It went perfectly. It could not have been placed better!
Its hard to show in pictures, but it was off to the side last year…
Note the distance from us to the fire pit.
And this year, its at a completely different end of the campsite, freeing up a MOUNTAIN of space!!!
Our camper was previous off to the right side of this picture. Can you see where it was, and where it is now?
It doesn’t look like much yet, but it will 💜The trees will fill in, and soon, we will build a beautiful patio and make it more homey, and to add some even ground to make life easier. We are SO excited.
We ate some lunch together in the sun. It was beautiful weather. My mom packed our lunches. She is officially adorable.
And as if God knew what we wanted most, as soon as we were done eating, the rains came! YESSSSS! It smelled amazing!! We thought about hauling out, but then we decided to hole up in the camper and play some Skipbo, because that is exactly what we’d have done if we were staying. It was perfect. Smelled and sounded amazing.
And then we drove home 💜 That was it. It was SUCH a beautiful, simple, unexpectedly productive day! We were SO grateful to get our camper moved where it needed to be! There are still some changes to make and things to do, but now we know what we’re looking at, and we feel more prepared and capable.
I wish I could show you how clear the colors were! I’ve never seen SUCH a vivid rainbow before!
It will be very hard not to overextend ourselves in the next month. Unfortunately, being done radiation does not immediately bring back our energy. Brady gets headaches when he overdoes it, and I have anxiety attacks. Its just where we are right now. I wish I could say we’ll be out there May long, but I don’t think its feasible without a deck. Maybe we’ll make a day trip with the kids. Maybe we won’t. We’ll have to see 🙂
We are SO grateful for our spot. For the friends we have out there. For the help we have out there. For the comfort and care we have out there. For the rest and relief to come. For the getaway.
As you likely know, Brady finished his radiation treatment program yesterday!
Five weeks. Twenty five fractions of treatment. Twenty five trips into the city, to the cancer centre.
So many days at the hospital. Man. What a year already, and its only May.
His last week at the cancer centre was honestly really challenging. It seemed, as treatment went on, he felt worse and worse :/ He managed to keep his headaches as bay with regular workouts and limiting our activities like craaazy. I would say the hardest part about this week has been knowing its coming to the end of radiation, but feeling limited and unable and overwhelmed with all we have to do, or want to do, in the coming month or so.
We’ve learned we have to be pretty careful what we say on the internet about what we need, or what we’d like to do, because many of you are almost TOO generous! But if I can be honest, sometimes the list feels so long, and we have to make choices that are hard.
The bottom line – Brady being done radiation does not mean either of us is back to “normal.” Brady can still feel the symptoms of radiation for another two weeks. My anxiety certainly is going nowhere fast. And there is still so much to do 😅 It is next to impossible to not look at those things and to focus on the now.
But, lets.
We are SO happy to see radiation in our rear view mirror. There is more fuss and struggle ahead, but we are SO grateful to have completed this part of the experience. Nothing is easy, but that doesn’t matter. Onto the next!
Tomorrow is the day that I’ll tell you all about Brady’s fifth week of treatment, but today we celebrate the fact that he is DONE radiation!!!!! 🥳☢️It doesn’t mean all the hard things are over, but one leg of the journey can be behind us anyway. Symptoms are expected to follow Brady for another couple of weeks, but I believe simply going to the cancer centre every day puts a weight on us, and that being off the schedule will improve the quality of life!
I went in with him today. I went in the first day, and I came along for the last day. I was actually invited into the back radiation room while they set Brady up, so I had the opportunity to see the machine first hand, see him all the way up in the air on the exam bed. I left when the lasers came out and started tracking their way along Brady’s body. I was so grateful to be welcomed back to see the setup.
On the way out, Brady rang the bell on the wall, which signified ringing cancers bell! 🥺🔔
There was cheering and clapping from all around. It wasn’t some big ceremony, but I felt pretty emotional. The bell is a really nice touch. I loved it.
Out we went. The security guard who Brady’s has a really nice rapport with left his post to come intentionally say goodbye and wish Brady well. It was celebratory and warm.
We picked up ice cream and went home to this 💜
There is so much love in this place. I am SO grateful that Brady is home. I am SO grateful for all of the love and support we’ve received along the way, and continue to receive. I am SO grateful Brady has made it this far, and I am SO looking forward to the success story at the end of all of this mess.
Thank you, Lord, for your covering and protection. Watch over us. We trust You.
We never anticipate radiation. Ever. But its our current reality, so we try to make the most of it.
Today, we grabbed milkshakes on our way in. Its hard to know where to put money these days, and we’re very careful not to justify too many unnecessary purchases. Our absurdly generous circle of support has made it that we have NEVER had to buy coffee out of our own pocket pretty much since Brady’s surgery. So today, thanks to ALL the free coffees, we had a treat – milkshakes. It. Was. Awesome. It felt like a date, hahaha!
Brady went into his appointment and I pulled out my crocheting, as I do every single time. The project I’m currently working on is way too big to bring from place to place for a half hour of work, and its way too big to pull out in the van. But 🤷♀️ thats what I do. Crocheting relaxes me sooooo well. Last night, even, my anxiety was SO bad that my hands were shaking and my legs were jumping and I could not calm my body down. I resigned to my bedroom, and my hands got SO calm and relaxed when I started crocheting. When I would stop, my hands would start shaking again. I don’t know what that mess is all about, but its proven! Crocheting helps! Hahaha!
The coffee/milkshake is enjoyable. The music is enjoyable. The company is enjoyable. The crocheting is enjoyable. The sky is enjoyable.
Yet, all of that to say, I will not miss this place when this is all over. This is not where we belong.
Its felt like a long week, and its only Wednesday. Yesterday, I said something about it being a long week. Yesterday was Tuesday…
I think some of our feelings are made stronger by the fact that the countdown to the end of radiation is on. This is the final week. Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is glaring, and its hard to look at, you know? Its SO exciting, but it makes the end just draaaaag! Its like every day you’re overdue in pregnancy feels like at least a year of waiting. I think thats comparable.
Except that we don’t know how things will look once radiation is done. We don’t know. We cannot hold any expectations in any way. So we would love to think we’ll let down a little, Brady will regain some energy, and we’ll all breathe easier and enjoy our time together. But we just don’t know. How long will he be nauseous? How long will his back keep burning? How long will he be fatigued, falling asleep after he takes his meds? How long will How long will he have these headaches? How long will we be managing pain and discomfort and overwhelm? How long will we feel SO limited in what we can “handle?” When can we start working at our stuff around the house and at the lake without fear of sickness, anxiety, or pain?
Deep breaths. Prayer. More deep breaths.
I know this is just for a time. I’m happy to have a new normal. Truly, I’m unconcerned about adapting to a new normal. Bring it on. But I want to be out of survival mode soon. Like SOON soon. The end of radiation feels like it should be the end of survival mode, but something tells me we need to continue to be very careful.
The road is long. To those of you who have followed and inquired and help and care, THANK YOU for knowing this is a long game situation and for riding along with us. Brady’s surgeon wasn’t kidding when he said a large piece of Brady’s recovery was based on community support. I knew we had it, but I had no idea the extent to which we have it. We have an incredible corner of people. I am overwhelmed with gratefulness.
If you’ve followed for the last year or so, you know we accomplished a LOT last year. Project after project got done! It was actually a really wonderful time for our family! At the end of the season, we decided to throw some grass seed down and call it. Sod would’ve been amazing, but considering we were in the thick of covid and had no income, we felt that was something we could take the slow train on. Big deal, right?
Everyone. Is so. So. Dirty. Absolutely all. The. Time.
Our entire yard is dirt.
There is some grass, but its sparse. And the dirt settled pretty hard over winter so we need to lay more down before we even thinking about reseeding.
I am SO grateful for all the projects we were able to do last year, because Lord knows we wouldn’t be able to accomplish the half of them this year! But part of me wishes we had jumped on the sod train a year ago 😆
Here’s to a long season of filthy kids, baths that almost all of the kids resist.
One kid washed 🤮
One of these days, we’ll get everything done. And by “days” I mean “years.”
Garage saling was the first event of the weekend 🙂 It was windy but beautiful out. We meandered our way through the nearby garage sales, but called it pretty quick, so as to not overdo it. Hopefully we’ll do more next year!
Then my mom offered to feed the kids lunch so Brady and I could go grab some food and have a shorty date. It was really really lovely of her 💜 We ate DLMs from McDonalds, and then made our way to Canadian Tire for a Mother’s Day gift for my mom (no I’m not kidding) and a bike tube. Used that handicapped parking tag like a boss 😎
We got back to town, and dropped off the bike tube at a friends house. Becaaaaause they were fixing something up for him!!!
Is this not one of the coolest things you’ve ever seen?!?! A recumbent bike! This kind of thing makes getting rid of some of Brady’s old stuff feel WAY less gross, because we can replace it with things he can use!!
Now for the Mothers Day pictures! See my beautiful flowers?? This is courtesy of Quinn and Kims Flowers, who not only put together a CRAZY beautiful arrangement for me, but also thought of us extra, and helped Brady out specially.
Then, I got some gifts from the kids 🙂 Laela made me a coaster, which adds really sweetly to our collection of tile coasters from the kids! I love them!
Dekker made a super cute art project on a canvas 🙂🙂
Then, Solly painted a plant pot for me and planted a pansy in it, and Rowan made a cute little flower/photo display. They’re all SO cute!
Once most of the festivities died down, Brady took an accidental nap 😴
I may have accidentally woke him…
The kids played outside in the afternoon, and got SO dirty, as per usual.
When the time came for supper, we ate delicious food! Hashbrown casserole, honey ham, fruit and fruit dip, and cinnamon buns! It was CRAZY good!!! Yet another meal train win. That is a gift that just keeps on giving, my goodness!
There were snuggles at the end of the day…
And then the day wrapped up with some popcorn in our brand new Schneider popcorn popper! Yet another overwhelmingly thoughtful gift!
Popcorn man is back at it!
Aaaaand while the weekend pictures are over, I can’t not share these few of Laela and I from this morning, because she has been extra soft and loving and sweet to me recently 💜
All in all, it was a really beautiful, restful weekend, which is exactly what we need. I’m struggling with the way I sound – as if I’m making excuses by saying I’m tired so often, but its just the truth. The mental exhaustion is REAL, and it just wipes a person out in every way. The person, in this case, being me!
Onto this next week! The LAST week of radiation! We are ready to wave goodbye to this chunk of the journey. Brady wants his energy back, and we’re going to need it over the next month! Hopefully we can get everything in order at home and at the lake before the next step, whatever that is, whenever that comes. God knows what we need. He’s never left us or forsaken us!
I have a very happy, very healthy relationship with my mom. At least I think so. I have a deep appreciation for her, and an even greater love. We both respect one another, even if we disagree, though it doesn’t happen often. She has been an immense support as Brady and I have grown our family and progressed in our life. My mom is a confident dear friend that I can absolutely count on! While our relationship has changed from a childhood dependancy, we are still mother and daughter. And for that, I am SO grateful. I know not everyone is so fortunate.
I have always appreciated my mom, but never the way I do now. My mom moved in about 2.5 months ago to help me. She has taken care of anything and everything. She let many of her own life events go by the wayside in order to be 100% available to me. It has been overwhelming, and humbling, but I have not been in any shape to reject her loving offers. I know I would do exactly the same for my child. She has given up a lot, and that doesn’t go unnoticed.
Because of my mom, I could go to the hospital every single day.
Because of my mom, I paid for ZERO gas, as she let me use her car.
Because of my mom, supper was made on days that a meal wasn’t brought.
Because of my mom, lunches were packed for the kids.
Because of my mom, day planners were signed.
Because of my mom, reminders were set.
Because of my mom, important conversations were had, hard decisions were talked through, phone calls were made, and research was done.
Because of my mom, I could always talk about my struggles without guilt or tiptoeing.
Because of my mom, I could go to bed early, and she would wrangle the kids getting up instead of me.
Because of my mom, I had three pieces of bacon and a meal replacement drink every single morning, because I couldn’t stomach anything else at all. And, because of my mom, when my appetite raised up slightly, she celebrated, and made me late night grilled cheese.
Because of my mom, I felt so expectations laid on me, and no guilt surrounding that. I was instead given grace and gentleness.
Because of my mom, these last months have been liveable, and worlds apart easier than they ever would’ve been without her. That, my friends, is sacrificial love. We don’t all have the luxury of having a Jeanne in our lives, but we also don’t all have the chance to fill that role for someone else. Hear me when I say, if the time comes when I’m called to be someone’s Jeanne, I will jump, knowing now the difference that can make in someone’s life, healing, grief, tragedy, and everything else.
I could not have done these last 2.5 months without my mom.. My own personal Jeanne 😘
There are a couple of notable things to share with you all from Brady’s fourth week of radiation. In no order of importance, here they are!
Brady finally wrote a post about what his visits to the cancer centre look like. I had finally pestered him enough. You’re welcome.
We got my mom to try Brady’s wheelchair out! I wish it were easier to put videos on the blog, because it was SO funny! Her life flashed before her eyes at one point, but the anti-tippers on the back of the chair caught her. It was a good solid laugh!
Brady has been diligently getting back into his workouts, and its really paying off! This week, not only did Brady have WAY fewer headaches, but we were able to see immense progress in his strength and balance again. That right knee buckles considerably less. Its awesome!
We have our first physical signs of radiation damage :/ This huge spot on Brady’s back is technically a burn.
They say it is a very familiar, very common thing. It doesn’t hurt him like a burn. Not yet, anyway. So far, they just say to put regular lotion on it, but if it does increase with time, he’ll likely be prescribed a good solid burn ointment. But, just galaxal base lotion for now.
An offshoot from that one – look at his scar! That incision has healed BEAUTIFULLY!!! We have not had a single issue with it healing!
An obvious note as week four winds up – ONE MORE WEEK!!! I think Brady says every day, “I can’t wait for radiation to be over.” He is so over the fatigue, and the appointments, and the tiptoeing, and everything else. Onto the next already!!! But, one more week! 💜 We can do one week. Once that mess is over, we can get ourselves settled at the lake. I. Cannot. Wait.
