I woke up grouchy today. I had a crappy dream that a close friend was angry at me and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why. It was extremely vivid, and I felt like crap. That combined with a few other things put me in a super cruddy mood. I lay in bed and sulked until Dekker woke up around 11.
I tried to be energetic and fun for him. I dragged his high chair into the kitchen (as I’ve started to do in the mornings) so I could feed him while dancing around, singing, and doing some dishes in between. I am bad for being a “one meal a day” kind of person, just eating supper. I’m trying to be better at that, so being in the kitchen with Dekker for breakfast encourages me to eat something too. So I made myself an english muffin with melty peanut butter, and coffee. I shared my orange with Dekker. I know its small, but it counts. He ate well. As soon as he was done, I took him out of his chair and put him on the floor. He’s a walking champ now, so usually he is eager to boot off to the living room to play toys. However, this morning, he stood at my feet with his arms up, whimpering. This is a common scene when he’s super tired or hurt, but not first thing in the morning. Dekker is always at his best in the morning. Being the cranky person I am Being in the cranky mood I was in, I heaved a big dramatic sigh and lifted him up. He would not be put down. I couldn’t even eat my breakfast because I pretty much need both arms to carry him these days. I was really frustrated. It seems mean, I know. How could I not want to hold my son?! I know I will be sadder and sadder as he gets bigger and more independent and wants to be held less. But like I said, I was being really grumpy.
So I called my mom. I really like my mom, and I knew she would listen and likely pray for me throughout the day. And I was right. She listened, and agreed that some of my reasons for being grumpy were completely valid. Just talking to her cheered me up immensely. Meanwhile, Dekker was getting very comfortable in my arms, and rested his head on my shoulder. I finished my phone call with my mom, and Dekker hadn’t moved. I walked slowly over to a mirror we have on the wall by our stairs, and saw that his eyes were definitely open, but he was zoned and comfy. I walked and walked, and he just breathed. I love that feeling. Unfortunately, he is quite heavy and I’m not exactly muscular. I couldn’t shift him around too much without running the risk of making him uncomfortable and breaking the silence. So I sat down in a living room chair. Of course he immediately did a push up on me, giggled, and started squirming. So I let him down and he booked it over to his music table. I took the opportunity to go back to the dining room and eat my cooling breakfast. Dekker pressed all of one button for one song before he came toddling back over, smiling away. I plopped him on my lap and he tried for my food. So I had to push it all out of his reach. Just then, Brady called. So I put him on speaker so Dekker could hear him. We had a nice chat, as we usually do over our lunch dates. When Brady went back to work, Dekker still would not be put down. So we watched a music video on youtube, and then the “behind the scenes” on it. One huge eye rub later, Dekker was in bed.
Dekker, I’m sorry it took me so long to realize what a special time this morning was. I love your cuddles! I would drink cold coffee every morning if I could get such beautiful cuddles. I’m so completely in love with you!!!
As I said earlier, Dekker is at his best in the morning.