I can’t completely decide what to blog about today. I’m stuck between something light about how cute the kids are, and a brutally honest post about how much I’m struggling. I don’t have a lot of pictures for a kid post right now, or a lot of energy for an honest post about feelings.
I guess you’re getting a little of both. Starting with the heaviest first.
I can’t lie. I can’t pretend I’m not struggling. I do SO LITTLE in a day and am completely finished way too soon. Yesterday, I did one small job – I moved the trailer by hand in our garage a little bit, and drove the golf cart a little straighter. Thats ALL. I moved them to make room for some things, but once I had done that tiny amount of work, my body started to shake, and my heart started to race. I staved off an anxiety attack for the rest of the day. And seriously, I did NOTHING. I am furious at my body for disagreeing so heavily with my brain. How is it that I can feel level, NOT anxious, and still have anxiety attacks?! GAH!!!
Lucky for me, I have a lot of beautiful little helpers around here. My oldest daughter – beautiful Laela – is the quickest to offer her help and to jump into a job without being asked. She is a mother hen, almost to a fault. The most recent picture I have of her might forever be a favorite of mine. I wanted to show her how dirty she was, but somehow, she manages to still look SO gorgeous to me.
Those eyes are unbelievable.
I am so grateful for the people in my family, and in our lives. We could not still be standing without all of your help and care for us. This is, bar none, the most challenging time in our lives.