The Daily Hailey

The title to todays post isn’t quite right. My kids aren’t “against” me, I know that. But they didn’t exactly send the message that they were “for” me today either…

Brady and I had another incredible night with Laela. She got up to eat at 3:00am and 7:30am. If that can become a pattern (knock on wood) we could actually be the well-rested parents of two. Eventually. Today was not a restful day.

Before I continue with this post, I just want to say that I know having two kids is busy and sometimes chaotic. I know that sometimes one kid will have to wait while the other is dealt with, or one will cry for a few minutes. Or both will cry for a few minutes! All of these things, I am aware of, and I know they are realities that don’t make me a bad mom or a failure of any kind. Just let me have my rant, if you will.

As I said, Laela woke at 7:30am, ate, and promptly fell back to sleep. I lay her back in her cradle once I heard Dekker wake up, and got him up and eating breakfast while I threw a few things in the dishwasher. He wasn’t as patient this morning with being at the table, but I let it slide and decided we’d go downstairs rather than force him to eat more. No doubt, that would likely have resulted in some kind of disagreement. Plus, Laela had woken up at this point and was pretty ticked about something. I lowered my expectations for the day and decided that it would be a success if we all came out alive. So I chucked a bit of laundry down the stairs before grabbing Laela, my phone, a burp cloth, a bottle, a soother, and Dekker’s hand, and headed downstairs.

I’ll admit it. I turned the tv on as soon as we got downstairs. I needed a buffer. I fed Laela some milk but she took quite a bit of time to settle. Luckily her cries are still such little honking sounds, they don’t upset Dekker much, and he kept playing. Until he biffed. He wasn’t hurt at all, but he was a bit tangled and seemed pretty determined to only get out of his predicament only one way – the impossible one. So he remained stuck and got louder and louder. I like it when he gets himself out of those messes, just to prove to himself that he can, but this time, I put Laela in the little vibrating chair and went to save Dekker. I fear I waited to long, because he did not overcome it as fast as I had hoped. He cried and fussed seemingly endlessly. I struggle to find the balance between comforting him and leaving him alone because he’s overreacting. Tantrums are hard. I moseyed over to my chair after a couple of minutes to give him some space. And unlike his usual behavior, he followed me and lifted up his arms to me. So I dragged him up on my lap and we had some solid mommy-Dekker cuddles like we haven’t had in a very long time. He was sooo soft and lovely and calm.

Once cuddle time was over, Deks went back to his toys and played hard for a while. Until he started to look like this…

Going down for his nap was a complete DISASTER! As soon as he realized that he was going for a nap, he slapped my face. Hard. VERY intentionally. I reprimanded him and he burst out crying. I’m glad he sees that he’s in trouble and everything, but I want him to know how much I love him still, and for that reason, I would never just chuck him down for his nap screaming like a maniac. So I held him and shushed and rocked and waited. And he freaked and freaked and freaked. I finally got him a bit calmer, but not really much better. He was still bawling. However, so was Laela, and she had been for several minutes now, waiting for me to finish with Dekker. I started to lose my cool and started crying while still in Dekker’s room. When I finally got out of there and went to Laela, she was crying tears. Tears, you guys. Babies so little don’t usually make tears! Dekker didn’t produce tears for a couple of months! But little Laela, at two weeks old, is crying so long that she’s crying actual tears. I cried harder. I was a picture of failure an exhaustion.

I brought Laela to my bed and fed her a bottle. I let her nap on me, which is something she loves, and makes me feel amazing no matter what the day has been like. For all these reasons, the laundry sat neglected in the machines for longer spans of time than usual, but who cared? Not us.

Brady brought Subway home, which actually hit the spot perfectly. I realized upon his arrival that I hadn’t eaten or peed all day. I remember having that same realization with Dekker on our first day alone together. I pee on a daily basis now, so I suppose it will get better like it did then 🙂

Laela and I have two week appointments tomorrow so I’m looking forward to seeing our doctor and getting both of us checked out, getting clean bills of health all around. 

More so looking forward to a drink in the tub. Make it a double.