Sooooo the title is about how I’m feeling, haha! This morning was exceptionally flippy floppy.

I’ll leave that at that. It was tough. Struggly. Faily. In the midst of all the chaos, there was a glimmer of hope, with some hefty support, research, and love! I am hopeful there are positive changes on the horizon!

On top of basic family struggly stuffs, I have a couple of things looming over me that absolutely need doing! Ack! Never a dull moment in this season!!

I’m currently finding rest witht he Hamilton soundtrack, fleece lined leggings from Costco, baked goods, and exfoliating my body in the bath. What are simple pleasures that are helping you through stressful times?

You might remember a couple of weeks ago, I got a bit rattled and couldn’t piece together my own thoughts or feelings. I didn’t feel like myself, and more than just feeling a bit off. I wasn’t being dramatic. I felt very outside my mind, and it was pretty unsettling. My lovely Cher took it upon herself in that span of time to send me away for a bubble bath in the middle of the morning. While Solly was at preschool that day, she hung out with Waverly and I had a soak. It was SO nice.

Today, she decided again to offer me an hour for myself. I took her up on it, and started running a tub once Solly was dropped off. And if you’re from where I’m from, you already know that out of nowhere, the power kicked off!

It was weird. I stopped the bath and checked on Cher and Waverly. Cher had some important stuff to work on for school, and she needed the internet. That, and her laptop was almost dead. It was far from ideal, but within ten minutes or so, the power was back on! Woot! No panic necessary after all!

Thanks to the power coming back, I was able to get into my bath and watch an episode of Unsolved Mysteries that I’ve been wanting to watch for a good while now! This particular episode is all in french, and its a lot harder to read subtitles when you’re multitasking. And today, in my time to just rest and zone, I could! It was SO nice!

I got out just in time to go pick Solly up! Then the kids lunched and napped, and I made egg salad wraps. If you didn’t know, crunchy onions are SO good on egg salad!

This afternoon holds nothing but productivity for my family! I have countless things to accomplish, as you’ll know already if you read yesterday’s blog. And yet more piles on! One of these days I need to actually leave my house and go for a walk or something.

A walk. To deliver Christmas cards. Or gifts. Or everything else that I have to do…

Whew! There is no shortage of loose Christmas ends to tie up! I feel sooooo behind! 😆😩

I am missing ONE Christmas present! But I know what its going to be, I just have to get it!

I have to wrap everything!

I have to check in with my gift exchange group and make sure everything is going smoothly!

I have to arrange to drop off gifts for people that I already have on hand! (Jenn B, Amber L, Vanessa, Anne, Donalda)

I have to mail and deliver Christmas cards!

I have to plan a band date to make a video of some Christmas songs we put together!

I have to finish one last crochet project I committed to do before school is out!

I have to drop off a gift I was commissioned to make!

I have to write a few advance blogs that I always post over Christmas holidays!

I have to send teacher gifts to school with kids!

I have to call and find out if I’m still allowed to drop a gift for my doctor!

We have to put ornaments on the tree! Gah! How have we not done that yet?!?!

As I said, I am SO behind!! But then, a loving friend pops by with two gigantic trays of treats for our family. That paired with the cookies our children decorated the other day with our loving neighbours, if I don’t bake a single thing, there will not be a shortage of yummy desserts.

Guys, I feel SO fortunate in this season. Though I’m behind, we are SO well cared for, and what needs to get done will. God knows what we need. All the time.

Today was the day Waverly has been waiting for for months. This girl wants to go to preschool SO bad! She walks around the house with a backpack on, telling everyone she going to preschool on Friday, regardless of the fact that we had zero plans to take her to preschool. But today, I was the parent helper, and my people were otherwise occupied. I had no choice but to bring her!

Solly was almost as excited as she was. He couldn’t wait to show her around, get her a chair, and help her along the way. It was actually super adorable.

When they had free time, Wavy fit right in with everyone else. Solly “built cabinets like daddy” and Wavy was nearby, hammering alongside him.

Waverly wore a mask the whole time, tidied up toys better than some of the bigger kids, lined up with everyone, ate a snack, chatted, answered questions, and generally fit right in. She even did a craft. And Solomon couldn’t have been prouder of her. It was VERY cute.

She wasn’t so hard to include in the fun 🙂 She can come again.

• PLEASE, friends, be sensitive. Only show love. Some of this stuff is so uncomfortable for me to share, yet its kind of been a big deal for me this year, and I’d like to talk about it, and have it on record in my blog books as something I experienced. Be gentle.

So. I’m shrinking.

If you’ve known me long enough, you know I’ve always been very petite. It really isn’t a big deal. Its just how its been. I’ve maintained a small figure through having kids, but my body has obviously changed a lot with that. 

When you get pregnant, your baby takes up a lot of space, and therefore, your organs have to move around, pushing up into your ribcage. Because of this, while I never carried much extra weight between pregnancies, my bone structure widened a bit. This was actually kind of a relief for me, because it made clothes a lot easier to buy. Bras, specifically. The smallest band size you can find in a common chain store is 32, and that never fit quite right. Once my ribs bulked up a little, it did, and it was SO nice to have bras that fit properly!! It was easier to find shirts as well. Things were just a little simpler when I was closer to “average” size. 

You probably all know that we’ve been wanting more kids, and for whatever reason, its not working so smoothly. Its been about 2.5 years since Waverly was born, and it appears that this year, my body has decided to go back to its original size and shape. My ribs are getting smaller, my hips are getting smaller, and any semblance of “meat” that I once carried is on the way out. 

Which, don’t get me wrong, is very cool!! Good job, body! You’re amazing! 

But is also a huge pain in the butt, because I’d far rather put another baby in there. 

Now everything I own is oversized. 

And I always look like a slob.

It became very apparent that this was starting in Spring. My jeans just sagged. They were horrid. And all of my shirts were maternity, which had fit fine, until they didn’t, and at that point, I just felt sad that it had been a year and a half with no successful pregnancy. So while covid was in full swing and we had no extra money to spend, we afforded me a handful of new shirts, so I didn’t feel as messy and sloppy all summer. As well, I had a pair of jean shorts that were a bit snug on me the season before that now fit like a glove. YES! That improved my quality of life more than I ever thought it would. When I finally bit the bullet and bought new underwear, the world changed! I know it all sounds a bit stupid, but it was incredible. I felt SO much better having clothes that fit! 

But it kept happening. I’ve dropped 10-15 lbs this year, but have changed nothing about my eating. I assure you, I am healthy. Please don’t say I look sick, its actually quite hurtful. Its been confirmed by health care professionals. And I’ve seen the change in my bone structure. It was shockingly evident in fall when I finally hit up Value Village for a pair of jeans when mine were sagging horribly, even with leggings underneath. 

Undeniable change in structure, don’t you agree? Its not about losing fat necessarily, but about my bones moving. Completely out of my control! With that, of course, some fat has dissipated in my arms, legs, and sides. Its noticeable, and its bananas.  

Don’t get me wrong. I think its crazy cool that my body can produce five children, be pregnant countless more times, and somehow still go back. I am smaller now than when I graduated high school 14 years ago. I’m grateful that its doing this, and I can feel healthy and nice. But consider the other side of the coin, where I don’t want to be done having children yet. How dare my body do this now, when I want it to carry more little people?? It is so amazing, but so unfair. 

Its been a strange season of life, where my body is changing a TON, yet my emotions surrounding it are such a mess. I’m so thankful, and so hurt. Excited, and mad. As was discussed by this post Cher and I put together a while back, I couldn’t really talk about it, either, for fear of judgement and criticism. Doesn’t everyone want this?? First world problems? Yes, yes, I know. But you simply can’t always know what’s below the surface. 

Aaaaanyway. I own jeans that fit now. Thank you, skinny girls, for donating your American Eagle jeans that I couldn’t otherwise afford to Value Village! Still on the hunt for leggings that are tight. Thats about it! 

The ridiculous journey continues…

Yesterday, I spent the day with my mom. It was SO special. I love her 💜

We first went for lunch, because she had gift cards. Going to restaurants almost never happens anymore, so that was a HUGE treat!

Kudos to our server, who had a really great attitude, made conversation, and was just generally so pleasant. And kudos to the cook, because the food was unbelievable!

My mom and I did some Christmas shopping afterwards, and got to the places I can’t really get to easily on a regular basis. But coming up on 3:00pm, she drove me to La Loop for (deep sigh out) a hair appointment. Its been TEN MONTHS!!! I was due.

Do we agree? It was absolutely time. Not only were my “roots” just about as long as the previously colored portion of my hair, but my ends were just destroyed. Horribly damaged. We discussed the cut first, and I told her I wanted all the crap off. A fresh start. She warned me that it would be a lot, and I said to go for it. No looking back.

(Don’t worry, its not TOO drastic!)

She hacked a bunch off and started lightening it all!

Bleach is the longest part, always, because my hair is SO dark. Carlinna brought me a coffee and I sipped and scrolled as other clients had their work done around me, a couple of chairs apart.

Her salon is just so light and bright. I love it there.

Shortly after regular closing time, everyone else cleared out, and Carlinna and I had the place to ourselves! I SO appreciate her, because I know her hours, and she definitely exceeded them for me. 💜

The bleach was good and on, and hella yella! Hooooboy!

Normally at this stage, she tones it up good and proper to a ashier color, but because of the colors I chose, she didn’t need to! We dove into the colorful part!

We sat with the color for a good long while, and just chatted and caught up. After going to Carlinna since I was pregnant with Laela, we know each other pretty well by now, and ten months without spending 4 hours together left a lot to catch up on! We laughed a LOT. She carries such a positive vibe with her, and it was such a time of refreshment.

When styling was all that was left, I texted my mom, and she finished up her errand and came to get me. What a gift it all was to me. I felt SO loved and cared for, and pampered!! My goodness. What a beautiful day I had had!!

We hit up Wendys for a quick supper after hair, and it was there that I realized my play-by-play photos were missing an “after” photo 🙄 Sooooo I did that in Wendys.

I’m a very serious person. 🤨

The day was such a win for me. I loved spending time with my mom. I loved the food we ate. I got to shop at places I never get to. I got my hair done. I caught up with a friend. I was actually out in public. It was SO fun!

Thank you, mom, for the role you played in yesterday. It was such a special day! I love you! Thank you for everything!

I’m feeling a little bit better. A handful of days ago, I felt very out of body. I wrote a super short post about it, partly because I was worried I’d just sound dramatic, and partly because I couldn’t think straight enough to actually verbalize how I was feeling. Rather than people making me feel silly, I was loved and supported. Since then, I’ve made some calls, done some research, and pieced a few things together. Made some fresh decisions.

The day that carried some improvement was Wednesday. A few happy things happened that day.

I got a waxing appointment for the first time since May 😳 Ya. It had been that long. If you don’t know, I’ve been waxing my legs since I was 17, and my arms since about 20. I’m 32 now, so its something I’m pretty used to. Covid took a few things away from everyone, and it complicated those nonessential appointments for me. As crazy as it sounds, getting my legs and arms waxed made me feel SO good. It was so refreshing!! Unfortunately, my regular waxing girl was recently taken off work, and I was so looking forward to seeing her 💔But it was still a good appointment. I felt new!

After that, I Christmas shopped a bit with a friend! It was really, really nice to be out and about together. It happens so rarely, as a stay at home mom. There are times when I realize I haven’t left my house for days on end! So it was very refreshing to be in and out of stores, with goals, and productivity, but also just some fun with a friend! WIN!

Our last stop that evening was Value Village, and I managed to find myself a pair of jeans and a pair of sweats!! This is more victorious than you guys know. I should post about this all finally, but I know I’ll catch some grief for it. Aaaaanyway, I’m changing sizes, and have felt like a total slob for months, not having any clothes that fit. So buying new pants that don’t gape and sag is SUCH a win! I feel so much more put together. Still in need of some nice black leggings to replace the lulus that don’t fit anymore, but I’m on my way!

Wednesday felt like a success. I don’t know if it was the outing, or the adult conversation, or the pain inflicted on me in my wax (lol!) but I felt like I was back in my body somehow. Praise the Lord!!!

As a whole, I feel functional and a lot sharper in my brain again. Its not perfect. I’ll go to the pantry three times instead of once. I’ll go upstairs and forget what I needed. Stuff like that. But that is so much more doable that feeling numb, intolerant, impatient, rattled, and dumb.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to run some errands and get my hair done for the first time since FEBRUARY!!!!!

Its time, folks! I can’t wait!!

So. Funny story.

As I was driving to Wavy’s dermatologist appointment yesterday, Brady was already there. Once I was close to the office, we got on the phone and I figured he could talk me the rest of the way. I knew the general area, but since he was already there, I figured he could more seamlessly get me there. He spotted my bus as I got closer, and directed me.

He was a little late on telling me where to turn, and I missed the parking lot. Whoops! No big deal, though, I just circled the little clump of buildings and got to that side again. I turned into the parking lot finally, but didn’t know which office was the one I was going for. I drove past a couple of spots, further into the lot. Brady hesitated and said I’d be better off taking a spot over there, that the spots closer to him were pretty tight. It was already a bit too late, though, so I kept going forward.

He was right that the spots closer to the office were really small, but the parking lot seemed to continue behind the building. I figured I’d just loop it and get back to those original spots.

Aaaaand that was a bad choice.

The back of the building was tight already, and there were cars parked, staggered on each side, but only going one way. I can’t really describe it, but it was VERY confusing, VERY impossible to get around for any vehicle, and VERY against code! It was doable originally, but the last two cars were parked on either side of the “road” too close together. I was stuck. It was SOOO bad, and completely impossible. To make matters worse, the cars were all VERY nice cars. Thankfully, Brady was still on the phone, and volunteered to come rescue me. I took him up on it and said “please hurry.”

What is it about kids who grew up in the country that they can back out of anything?? Well, he can, and did. It got a little hairy with the ice and snow build up, but some patient little adjustments got things sorted out.

What a relief! I was so thankful he was there to help me because that was VERY stressful and VERY tight! They would be wise to throw a “no through traffic” sign up somewhere, because it definitely just looked like you could get out of the parking lot back there! Or everyone could park on one side, lol! Either way.

Aaaaall things considered, we got out and got parked. And then had to back out of our spot when a woman came out, all irritated that our van is big, and she figured she didn’t have enough space to get into her car. Whatever. Parking 🙄 For the birds.

Do you remember that bizarre rash that Waverly had this summer? Poor squishy, she was just so miserable 💔

And then her hair started falling out…

Aaaaand then she started eating it, so we shaved it.

*sigh* I can make light of a lot of things, but shaving and re-shaving her head a number of times hasn’t gotten funnier or easier. Its really hard for me, even though she’s such a champ.

I re-shaved her a couple of days ago when her dermatologists office called, asking for an appointment the very next day. I explained that her rash had disappeared and we had removed the issue of her hair pulled by shaving her head. The woman I spoke to insisted that the dermatologist would want to see her scalp and check her hair follicles for health. So, we went.

Brady was finished work by 1:00pm that day, and her appointment was at 1:30, so he met me at the office just in time! We knew ahead of time that we couldn’t both go into the appointment, but he’s a loving, supportive guy, and wanted to be available for us. Especially these days where I’m feeling less than myself, it was really nice to have him there.

Now, I believe kids aren’t expected to wear masks until age 3, but I figured we’d see how Wavy did. And I’ve got to say, I was SO impressed. She touched it a little bit, but wasn’t put off by it at all! She wore it better than a handful of adults in the waiting room.

When she and I were called back, she wanted to walk on her own, so she visited with the woman walking with us.

“I like your mask!”
“Thank you. Corgis! Puppies!”

Also…

“The doctor will touch my fuzzy head!”

As I suspected, all was well on the homefront of Waverly’s hair. In looking at the pictures, the dermatologist agreed that it looked like a viral rash he’s seen before, sometimes related to cold sores, but not always. The hair falling out was likely a result from the stress on her body. He agreed she has no bald patches or thinning areas. She looks in perfect health. Win!

Her appointment was likely somewhat unnecessary, but we went, and got through it, and Wavy got to actually leave the house for once. If nothing else, I was SO impressed with not only her social skills with the other adults, but the fact that she wore a mask so seamlessly. I understand not every child is mannered the way she is, but I felt encouraged. If she can wear a mask so smoothly, with so little complaint, so can I. I know we all have our stuff, and I’m not saying everyone can wear a mask. I know there are reasons, and I respect that! But in the case of discomfort or inconvenience, we all are able to exercise self discipline. I am SO proud of her 💜

Our kids were gifted some treats, and I want to have them on record as a really lovely gift ❤️

More time and effort than you would think went into these, and the kids wholeheartedly enjoyed them!! Wavy could only eat half in one sitting, as the cookie was basically as big as her head.

What an exciting, delicious, effective after school snack! Thank you, beautiful friends, who thought of our children and put the warm effort into them the way you did. They felt so special, and I felt honoured.

Aaaaand the cookies were super yummy, also…