I wrote a post back when I was a few months pregnant with Laela about crying in the car. I felt silly confessing to all of you that my safe place to cry is my car, and I use it often. Including today.
We had a really nice day. The kids and I spent the afternoon with my mom and grandma, and then Brady came for supper of homemade pizza. My mom makes the best pizza! Afterwards, we decided to backtrack to the city and do some grocery shopping. This week has been so busy, and my lazy days have been crazy with wind and freezing rain. Really not much opportunity to get out, and we’re having family over this weekend! So we doubled back and hit up Costco and Superstore. The kids did great for being up so late.
On the drive home, I had my first car cry in a while. But it was very much a cry that I needed to have. I cried over Dekker needing surgery. It really makes me sad 🙁 I know there are kids who suffer through SO much worse, so much younger. Yet, I think I can still feel this way. Our situation is our own. I don’t always have to downplay and compare. I am so sad that Dekker needs to have surgery. I know it will at the very least bring improvement to the situation, and it has the potential to fix his eyes completely! However, to get either of these results requires me to sign a form that allows him to be put under general anesthetic and have doctors use knives to cut on him. My heart hurts. He will also have a bit of a recovery ahead of him. Nothing crazy. A bit of Tylenol for pain, but lots of eye drops and NO eye rubbing. I wonder how I’ll monitor things like that. I wish I didn’t have to. I wish he didn’t have to. My son tries sooo hard to be obedient, and not to have too big of a pity party, but I don’t think its fair that he has to be challenged and pushed and messed with so often! No. You know what? I’ll have my pity party. Because soon, I’ll have to be the strong one. My son has had his share of shit for being just two years old. It is not FAIR!
So I cried in my car. And I mean cried. Full on, tears full of mascara rolling down my cheeks kind of crying. My body physically aches for Dekker and his situation. February will be a different kind of month for us, thats for sure.
I just want this all to be over…
I’m sorry Hailey. I love you!
Thanks mom. I blame my general weepiness on you 😉 love you.
Liquid prayers… We are praying, God is great.
He certainly is. Thank you for your prayers. They are greatly needed.
That’s not something a mom should have to deal with. Good for you for taking a pity party, you deserve one cuz you’re right you’ll have plenty of times coming up where you’ll need to be strong. I’ll definitely be praying for you and for Dekker, when is his surgery again?
Thank you Deanne, for not judging. And for praying. The surgery is on February 11th so still a little ways off, but I hadn’t really had a good cry over yet. Seems to be something I need.
Just try to remember that hard as it is you’re doing what’s best for him.
It’s true. I’m confident it’s the right decision. It’s hard to be responsible 🙁