Don’t think I don’t know.
Sometimes I see those memes posted on Facebook and otherwise about how insane Christians sound, and how believing in God is something only a gullible person would buy into. Well, call me gullible then. I’m not ashamed of my beliefs one bit. I do, however, want to talk about it all briefly, if thats cool, because I know we sound crazy about a few things, and I’m feeling a bit crazy about a few of those things this morning. Makes for a very early post.
I’d like to start talking about yesterday evening. Yesterday evening was awesome. Do you remember a while back, I was so stressed out about going into labor, and what would happen from there on out? I was very anxious knowing I had to decide between waiting out a late baby, or opting for an induction, or going into labor early. When I finally sat down and made a plan with my doctor, I felt a thousand times better. Bring it on, baby boy!! What a relief! Since then, my peace has dwindled as I have found other things to feel overwhelmed about. But yesterday evening, a couple of friends from totally different places jumped up out of nowhere and offered to help me in the worlds most perfect ways. Anxiety levels were low low low. You could ask Brady. I was thrilled, and felt light, and refreshed. Nothing could touch me.
There is definitely something to be said for finding comfort in tangible things and people.
Then, last night, I woke up a few times with the most painful braxton hicks contractions I’ve had thus far this pregnancy. And I got really, really scared. And then immediately discouraged. Because, as Christians, we are brought up with the idea of putting our trust in God as our number one thing to hold onto. And I fully agree with that! But I also know it sounds crazy. I guess I want to clarify here that being a Christian doesn’t make me less of a person. A human. I’m flawed, and imperfect, and believing that God exists and doing everything I can to live my life the way I believe He asks me too doesn’t mean I get this stuff right all the time! So I lay in bed, scared, while I had my contractions, and went back to sleep.
This morning, I am obviously already up, and have been since about 5:00am. I’m scared. I’m scared of going into labor when I’m not prepared. Everything is all lined up for when the day comes, but not if it comes today!!! I still have four weeks to go! It would be a pretty huge shock if baby came so early, and I really don’t think it’ll happen that way at all, but my mind is whirring and my body is without faith.
Because I’m already feeling weak, the enemy is beating down on me about every little thing he can think of. In the short time I’ve been up this morning, I’ve feared for my baby’s life, my own life, the general chaos of our life going up, not being approved to move again, and seemingly everything under the sun that I’ve been working SO hard to have faith about! God is in control. But it doesn’t always feel that way. Sometimes I just want something concrete to hold! Can’t God send me a letter so I have something in writing?? Or maybe God could just stop the braxton hicks contractions so I wouldn’t have to wonder what my body is doing, whether its “preparing” or actually dilating and getting set up to go! Can’t I have something secure??? Yet, saying this phrase over and over is supposed to bring me peace. While I do believe that God knows every hair atop my head, and every hair atop my baby boys head, and everyone elses, I honestly struggle to find peace in it. I just want an answer.
So to sum this all up, I am a Christian, and I believe that Jesus Christ cares for me, and my family, and everyone else, whether they care for Him or not. He loves me through my disbelief, and he takes care of me when I feel weak. I am His child, and as a parent, He knows I won’t get it right each and every time, or maybe even at all! I am an imperfect person, and while I don’t always feel the comfort in the idea of God having control of my life, I cannot imagine living my life thinking I had no help or support from above.
So feel free to think I’m crazy! I get it! It sounds crazy. But I have seen God’s good works, and I am confident I will see them again. That being said, for those of you who pray, please consider praying for me if I come to mind. I feel weak. I know, in my weakness, He is stronger, right? 😉 I should be finding some comfort in that one too. Working on it over here!
Well honey, I’m not one to give you one of our biblical mommy lectures on your blog 🙂 But today I will my sweetheart. The Bible says….Lo I am with you always even to the ends of the earth……God goes before you and follows you and places His hand of blessing on your head…. and guides you until you die. These are the Bibles, God’s words not mine. Nothing can ever separate you from God’s love and His love never fails and His faithfulness endures forever. God knows everything. God is everywhere. God is ALL POWERFUL. Nothing is too difficult for God. He will give you all that you need. And you are right Hailey…..God’s power works best in your weakness. God is your refuge and your strength, ALWAYS ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear even if earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! God thunders, and the earth melts! The Lord ALMIGHTY is her among us; The God of Israel is our fortress.
So my sweet Hailey….run into God’s strong arms of victory. Since He is everywhere He is right there beside you. He will cover with His pinions and and take care of you no matter what. You are HIs child and He is the defence of your life and the defence of your husband and babies lives also. So my advice is 🙂 put your trust in your Saviour the best you can and lean back into His arms and our might God do the work. Just trust Him and His perfect peace will fall all over you. I love you my Darlin’. Hopefully we can talk today. Your Mommy