The Daily Hailey

I apologize in advance. This post may be all over the place, but I need a place to expel my thoughts on this coming Thursday. I’m sort of using you guys as a sounding board. So once again, I ask for feedback and opinions from anyone who feels they have some to give.

We took Dekker to get our second opinion about his eyes on October 25th. We didn’t actually get to see Dr. E but we had all the preliminary testing done by a lovely woman, Heather, who discovered that his eyes have improved in the way that they are now the same strength. He doesn’t have one dominant one. They are on an even playing field. If you want to reread that post, its here. It was confirmed that Dekker does, in fact, need surgery. Also, she told us that we needed to now start alternating his patch each day, so one day he’d wear it on the right, and the next day on the left. We should do that until our appointment with Dekker’s initial ophthalmologist, Dr. R and see what comes of that. However, we were told that if we were in fact full time patients at Dr. E’s office, we would likely be instructed to patch Dekker for two hours per day. Two hours. Versus every waking moment. Sounds like a good set up. Heather was clear in saying that, just because they don’t ever prescribe full time patching like Dr. R doesn’t make it wrong. Its just a way to make the process go really fast, and if its not closely monitored, it could cause the covered eye to suffer, which I had been nervous about. So it worked well, but it was a riskier move.

We haven’t even met Dr. E yet, and we won’t until mid-January. Yet, after that single visit to her office, I feel like I would be more comfortable putting Dekker in the care of a doctor who isn’t rushed and doesn’t take unnecessary risks.

So now, we have a Dr. R appointment scheduled for Thursday. And I’m really tossed up about even going! So this is where my post will get jumbled and out of order.

My biggest reason for going to the Dr. R appointment is curiosity. I want to know if she’ll have the same findings as Heather. If she does, will she tell us to patch less? Or will she still recommend that we patch all day, every day? Yet, if she has a different finding, will it even matter? We have found so much more peace in whats been said at Dr. E’s office, I don’t see us dropping it all and going for Dr. R just because she has a different finding. If they find and recommend different things, who will we go with? Dr E, I think. Then why would I subject Dekker to this appointment? I know Dr. R is going to dilate his eyes with those stinging drops that he hates so much, that affect him for the rest of the day. Is it worth it? Or it selfish of me, as a parent, to put him through more tests and tears just really to test Dr. R? It feels so mean! Yet I’m looking for that peace of mind, that both doctors agree. It would be so much easier to just call, cancel, and avoid the whole awkward “Um, no, don’t put us on your surgery list…” conversation, since we know we prefer the other office’s methods already. Yet I really want to know what she thinks! I know Dr. R will want him in surgery as the next step, yet I was told Dr. E would first try him in a stronger prescription and go from there. Dr. E wants to try every option before putting him under the knife, while Dr. R just wants to get it done. So why would I go??! To see if she agrees, and to see what she says about patching. It seems so unnecessary, yet then we couldn’t get in to see Dr. E until January, and I don’t want to patch Dekker every waking moment until then if I don’t have to! Yet what stock does Dr. R’s opinion hold? We’ve been diligently patching him full time since the Dr. E appointment, planning to possibly change that all up after Dr. R. If we don’t go to Dr. R, we’ll be patching full time until January 13th, just because we’re not confident. We elected to see Dr. E as a second opinion, and even though we like that office better, I want them to agree on everything, and maybe I just won’t get that. Is it unreasonable to want that?

I feel heavy hearted when I think about all of this. I say over and over that Dekker has had enough. He’s struggled with this for a decent amount of time now and I’m tired of him struggling. He’s two. Its hard to be two. He has enough going on besides all of this. I was born cross eyed. I had my eye patched, I had surgery. I had glasses. I still have a prescription. And I lived! Its not the end all and be all! I know I went through all the same things at an even younger age, but I can’t exactly remember. I’ll be able to relate when he’s older but right now, I’m struggling to know what a toddler would prefer, or just what would be best. What do others think? Would you take him to the appointment, take in the opinion, get it over with, and just not ever rebook? Or would you scrap it all together, and sort of always wonder? What do you guys think?

Lastly, I’ll leave you with a happy example of his eyes 🙂 The pictures were taken seconds apart, and in each one, he’d focusing with a different eye. I feel like that would be more frustrating for him, but it is concrete proof that his eyes are of the same strength and he can use them both!

He sure is gorgeous.

Any thoughts/prayers/opinions/advice/input welcomed.