I’m sure you’ve noticed how a good nights sleep can greatly improve a persons mental health. Its definitely not a secret. Well this morning, I was awake from 4:30 on. I knew I wasn’t going to make it through the day (not well, anyway) so I changed my alarm and managed to get a quick nap from 7:15-7:40. After that, I quickly got Dekker up and fed and dressed before school. This week, my mom is away. She often comes to my house and sits in it while I take Dekker to and from school, but it obviously isn’t an always type of thing, so I’m not too worried. But after my weirdly early morning, I’ll be honest and say I was feeling pretty low. The day felt bleak. The rest of the week did, too. Not only was I tired this morning, but I had to get all of the kids up early, so they were also tired.
I’ve had a heavy heart the last few days already. So many people I know are losing babies 😞 It is so so sad, and while I don’t want to take away from their pain at all, it is breaking my heart all over for them. So for several days, I’ve found myself feeling quite sorrowful for those around me – people I know currently, or knew a long time ago, or don’t even know at all but have heard about through others. So many people are grieving losses of babies they were carrying, or who have been dreaming of but haven’t been able to carry, or who have already carried their baby and held it and loved on it into its life. So. Much. Sadness.
My heart goes back to the people who shared with me months ago that they too had suffered a miscarriage recently. I haven’t forgotten you ladies, or your families. I wonder about you, still, and I can honestly say I pray for you when you come to mind. I wonder if you’re trying to get pregnant again, or can’t even fathom the thought, or are privately pregnant and aren’t ready (or even planning) to share it with the world. I still ache for you guys. You helped me feel normal in the weird, surreal world of losing a baby. I am thankful I wasn’t alone, but I wish I were the only person who EVER had to feel that pain. I HATE that so many of you feel it.
I feel fairly helpless in the whole mess of things, because I’m just me. I am a single person. And while I do believe that ONE PERSON CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE, I am my own hot mess. I’m in my own struggle. But we can help people when we’re down, right? Right?? I don’t know. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.
So I’ve been carrying these feelings around, and this morning just felt like too much. I was pretty nervous for the day. But we all survived drop off this morning, and Solly lasted until his noon nap time without falling asleep, so that was a win! I hauled my kids over to my friends house for the afternoon, so Laela was occupied and played with other kids while the little boys slept. We had a nice girl talk and were eventually joined by another friend and a couple more kids. It was EXACTLY what my heavy heart needed. Some good solid distraction, friends, play, and a change of scenery.
Even just resting my body and mind for a couple of hours has made a drastic difference in the way my heart feels. I’m still sad, and in mourning for myself, my family, and the many many people around me who are sad. But I feel like my day is more doable. I feel like tomorrow will be ok, where as I felt this morning like we’d never make it to Friday. But we will. We have lots to anticipate and be happy about.
This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us REJOICE and be glad in it!