The Daily Hailey

Many of you have me on Facebook, so you probably already know bits and pieces about today, but I’m going to try and give you a detailed version of our day. And yes, its an early post. I don’t know if I’d have the gumption to write it all out this evening. Trust me, this is the best bet.

We woke up at 5:20am to get ready. I had laid out everything the night before except toys to bring. We gathered those and got dressed and ready before we woke the kids. We took Laela straight from bed into her car seat, and changed Dekkers diaper before getting him bundled up and out the door. He was surprisingly chipper, which was good and bad, because he was more with it than expected, and hungry sooner than I was hoping for. Either way, we made it out the door on time to drop Laela off at my parents house and arrive at the hospital just a few minute early.

I won’t sugarcoat. He was very hands on at the hospital. We sat around waiting for about 2.5 hours, and he was wide awake and hungry. He wanted to be held by one of us, standing up, almost the whole time. We eventually got him into the hospital jammies they wanted him to wear, and he let them check his pulse on the little finger monitor, but not blood pressure! He was pretty loud and out of sorts, but the nurses were understanding and let him express himself.

While we waited, we watched some Olympics and chatted with a man whose son was in for an eye surgery as well. His kid had bigger problems than Dekker for sure, so this was not their first go at it. It was actually very encouraging to talk to someone who was there in the same position as us at the same time. They drive to Saskatoon from Regina every few months for their sons treatment because they love Dr. Rubab so much. That felt so good to hear! We sort of checked on each other periodically. 

As I mentioned on Facebook, the anesthetist did not permit me to carry Dekker to the operating room as I was hoping. A nurse had even said she was sure it would be fine, and that parents did it all the time, but it wasn’t up to her, sadly. She came up and apologized to me later. It wasn’t her fault. The anesthetist fed me some “Its safer for your child” bullshit, and insisted that once he was away from us, he would calm down. That’s what all kids do. I was really angry at first, and part of me still is, but I tried really hard to see the situation differently. Its not about me. Its about Dekker. Whether I like how he was taken back or not, he was now in surgery and we needed to focus on him, not ourselves. Not myself. Dr. Rubab came and spoke to us briefly a few minutes before he went in, and was very soft with us, telling us exactly when she’d be back to speak to us. When it was finally time for him to go in at 9:45, four people sort of came at him at once. He freaked. The only male their volunteered to take him, and Dekker screamed and screamed and screamed until he was too far away. I bawled like a baby on Brady. Like, bawled. It was awful to listen to. We left fairly quickly after he was moved to grab some coffee and shake it off. 

Once our huge coffees were sugared to perfection, we went back upstairs and waited.

About an hour later, we were informed by Dr. Rubab that everything had gone well, without complications, and that Dekker was in recovery. She said we could see him soon. A nurse came by shortly after and said we could go see him only if he got upset in recovery. Is it wrong that I hoped he would be upset?? We sat and waited, hearing kids crying but knowing his cry, and knowing it wasn’t him.

Well, he got upset. A nurse came into the room looking for “Dekkers mom.” I jumped up right away and she asked me to go with her. Only one of us was allowed to go, and Brady was gracious enough to let me, since I was so shaken from not being able to take him back. As I was walked to the back, I could hear him screaming. It was a sound I have never heard come from him. It was awful. The woman said that they had been trying to comfort him but it he wasn’t having it. He had woken up quite startled, they said. When I finally got to him, he was sitting on someone’s lap, cars in hand, screaming, and crying big blood red tears. I scooped him up from her immediately and they helped me sit down with the few wires and things still attached to him. He was sooo heavy! He shrucked a lot, but calmed down almost right away. They wrapped a warmed blanket overtop of us and we just sat silently for maybe fifteen minutes. I won’t lie. He looked awful.

We just rested together for a while, the nurses making sure his blood pressure and pulse were in good shape. Once, very quietly, I heard Dekker whisper “love,” which both broke and warmed my heart. Once everyone was assured that he was in good shape, I sat on the stretcher while holding him, and they wheeled us back to our original spot. The other family we had become friends with came and checked on him right away. They were actually really encouraging and said he looked great for coming out of the surgery. Once we got all settled, he fell asleep.

With his cars.

Lots of nurses and medical staff came by to see how he was doing in those hours that he was in and out of sleep. The man who had carried him to the OR was very honest with us, and said that Dekker never did relax. He was screaming the entire walk to the operating room. It grew worse once they went in, and he was panicking when they put him under. No wonder he woke with a start! He had made the joke that he was now deaf in his left ear, but that he would do it all again. I hugged him.

They wanted him to drink an apple juice before leaving the hospital, but he really didn’t want it. We waited a while and kept trying but to no avail. The nurse finally just said she trusted us (for once today) to get him full of fluids once we got home, so she discharged us. We changed his diaper and jammies without any fight from Dekker. While we were getting him ready to go, our friends across the curtain got their son back. He was in rough shape. As a seven year old, he could verbalize a lot better how he was feeling, which included him screaming “my eyes!!” at the top of his lungs. I felt terrible for them. Its a small space and we were very aware of ourselves when Dekker cried too. I think we were all pretty shaken up.

Dekker perked up quite a bit as we were leaving. He was happy to be in the car and didn’t actually seem bothered by the bright sun. We drove to Superstore to get his prescriptions filled, and he and Brady went to grab us some food. I asked for a soup and bun from Tims, and Dekker asked for the bun. I was kind of amazed, as we were warned that he would likely not want anything. I gave him half of the bun and he slowly but very hungrily ate it up and asked for the rest.

Hopefully that was a good move. He hasn’t seemed nauseous since, but we’re keeping a monitor in his room while he naps in case he throws up and we’re not there to witness it. However, he needs pain meds in ten minutes and drops in forty minutes. Do we wake him? I don’t know. Not for drops, for sure, but maybe for meds.

Thats all I can find within myself to write out right now. If I can be honest, I feel very shaky on my feet. I know some of it is fatigue, some is hunger, some is anxiety, and some is from holding him for an hour or two. That kid gets heavy fast!! I’m so glad the surgery is over and eager for the recovery to begin.

Thank to everyone who prayed and cared and asked and showed concern. Thank you for offering to watch Laela, to bring food and drinks, and to be at our disposal today. We feel the support very much, and it was and continues to be truly needed.

What a day.