I hope I’m not the only parent that has trouble deciding when and when not to intervene when my children disagree. By disagree, I mean argue, fight, scream, stomp, etc. Every level of “disagreement.” To be honest, I very likely intervene more than most. Sometimes too much. I don’t want to get in the middle of every argument, but I do want to pump into my kids the proper way to deal with other people, in good and bad.
This morning, the kids went downstairs to play. Our basement isn’t finished, so they have a lot of room to rip around with their ride-on toys, make a lot of noise, etc. I was upstairs doing some dishes and I heard the arguing begin downstairs. This time, I decided to let them figure it out among themselves, at least as long as it seemed like a good idea 😉 You know what I mean. So I worked on dishes, but my ears were open.
When the fighting became screaming, I dried my hands and started towards the stairs, but I heard stomping. I waited, and Laela made her way upstairs. She was pissed. I asked what happened and she said she had wanted one of the toys that Dekker and Rowan had. This is a daily struggle. Everyone wants what they don’t have. Its natural. So I pep talked her a bit, but instead of sending her downstairs again on her own, I went down with her. It kind of went against what I was hoping to do, but I figured I could do it well, and without pinpointing anyone or anything specific.
So Laela and I walked down the stairs, and she apologized to the boys for screaming at them. Then, we all chatted a bit about how the big toys were super fun, and everyone wants turns. A brief overview of how we politely ask for our turn, and how we patiently wait for the person to finish their turn before expecting our turn to start. Simple enough, but definitely not always simple for kids. As I was talking, Rowan began unloading his toys from the shopping cart he had been racing around with. With his arms filled with those toys, he nudged the cart and said “Here go, Laela.” She thanked him, and everything seemed to have diffused. I high fived Rowan for his mad sharing skills, and started heading back up the stairs. As I walked away, I heard Rowan say “I walk wiff you, Laela.” She said “Aw, thats nice, Rowan,” and that was just it. Crisis averted, everyone is happy.
After a handful of tricky moody days for myself, I felt really good to be able to go into a simple situation with a level head, and speak intentionally. No “Who has had their toy the longest? Share it.” Nothing like that. Just a reminder of how we like to handle situations and how we like to show love. And it worked!!
I’m not dumb. I don’t expect this will be the time that it all sinks in, and no one will ever fight over a toy again. But it felt good, and successful, and like it sunk in for now. So I’m calling it a success 🙂
Wish me luck for the rest of the day! Tomorrow the REAL fun begins!!! ROAD TRIP!!!!