I’m back, friends. Thank you for your patience, understanding, and love over the last few days. I know I’ve been quiet online, and I haven’t responded to any comments and very few messages. But I’ve read every single one, and gone back to reread them a number of times. It is such a relief to know how many people we have in our corner, not judging us for wanting more children, but supporting us as we struggle and sorrow.
A couple of months ago, we made a plan to join our neighbours, Tom and Rae, at their camping spot for this weekend. I had been so looking forward to it, but I’ll admit, the timing seemed less than ideal. I can confidently tell you today that the timing was ALL God’s. It was perfect. I can’t believe how clear it is that His hand is in all things, even when we go away for a weekend with our friends.
Everything was just warm and relaxed there. We were accepted instantly by their friends. There were no expectations or requirements of us. We could just be part of their family, and breathe fresh air. And that was just the evening we got there! None of them had any idea we were miscarrying.
After our first comfy but short night, I posted the blog that told you all what was happening. Then I closed up the computer and put it away for the day. Rae came to our spot to bake up some cinnamon buns, but it wasn’t long before the kids took off on their bikes. Brady headed out with them, and Rae joined me outside on lawn chairs. She had read the blog, and let me talk about our losses and be sad. She has a great way of just listening, where I don’t feel judged or like I need to really explain/defend anything. We just talked. It was cleansing for me. I really appreciated that morning “date” with Rae.
We joined the group for a big breakfast, all together, cooked up on their big camp chef. Hashbrowns, eggs, bacon, etc. We all laughed a lot 🙂 Our group was at twelve, but we all fit just fine, and everyone was comfortable and included.
As breakfast petered out, the quad and golf cart came out. We had been tipped off ahead of time, so the kids donned their helmets and waited patiently fought for their turns.
The beauty of their spot was that its entirely private, so the kids could absolutely run free, and there was next to no danger to befall them. What a relief for everyone! Once the kids were all off, either on the quad, golf cart, or bikes, I had a nice visit with Tom on the deck. I haven’t had many men in my life actually talk about real things with me, and it was so refreshing for me when he started the conversation about loss and emotions and struggle. Man. I doubt he knew what that all meant to me. (Though he probably knows now! Hi, Tom! 👋) It was so good for my heart to be able to talk about our stuff, and for it not to be taboo at all. No one tiptoed around us or dodged the subject. It was an amazing, honest group of people.
All day Saturday was spent ripping around on vehicles, it seemed.
Tom and Rae’s nephew diligently took the kids around the property, let them climb on tractors, taught them things, took them on adventures, etc., all without complaining. He was SO pleasant. The kids loved him.
Meanwhile, Solly and Wavy pretended to drive the golf cart the entire time 😆 It was pretty cute, too.
I have to say, though, hands down, my ride was the best.
I was whisked away on a side by side, into the trees, and shown the property. It was so new to me, never having been on quads or anything like them really, and I really really enjoyed it. The fresh air did amazing things for my heart and mind. When it became clear that I was comfortable and happy, the pace changed! There were tree branches and mud and hills and speed and WOW! It was WILD! All the while, he just sat in his drivers seat with a coy smirk on his face, knowing exactly what he was doing, thoroughly enjoying my enjoyment. We took a break after I don’t know how long, and he showed me around a historical schoolhouse. My adrenaline was pumping, so the slow down was probably good for me, lol! We walked around and chatted about history and where he was from. It felt so extra special, like I hadn’t breathed in or out properly in weeks, which was pretty accurate. We eventually got back to the side by side and hit the road again. We toured around a bit, and ended up going down a long road that is meant to be maintained for firetrucks. Of course I forget what its called now, but we hit it hard. I was informed the amount of mud I ate and wore was nothing in comparison to what it could’ve been. Maybe next year 😉 But at one point we turned a corner and stopped short. There was a huge moose on the path just up ahead, staring at us. We were floored, and stared back. He called and called, but the moose just stared. We crept up on her, and at about 100 ft out, she walked back into the bush. We were seconds behind her, but she was completely gone. Crazy how something SO HUGE can just vanish!!! It was pretty incredible. What an experience.
I don’t know how long we were gone, but I’ll be honest. I could’ve cried. I held it back the entire time. I felt oddly refreshed and renewed on that ride. The fresh air felt so healing and cleansing in the moment, and when that paired with adrenaline, somehow I just felt like a human again. Once again, I doubt he knew the mark he made on me that day, but it was unlike just about anything else. It was crazy and exciting and a ton of fun, but it felt healing, too.
The day continued with rides and eating and visiting in the sun. I got all tanned and toasty again, which felt so great. We ate a gigantic feed of potatoes and veggies, smoked pork, and fresh bread. There was even dessert that included two kinds of cake, ice cream, and fresh raspberries. Goodness we ate SO good!!! Smores by the fire wrapped up the evening.
I loved the warmth of the people there. Everyone interacted with our children, whether it be tickles and wrestling or helping cook marshmallows. At one point, Laela was egging one of the adults on, and he came over to tickle her. She was squealing and playing, and he picked her up to toss her in the air a bit. In that moment, she had a flash of nerves cross her face, and within one second, someone spoke up and said “She’s afraid now” so he stopped immediately, and held her, reassuring her warmly. It was SO beautiful to watch this group of people just shower our children with love.
We woke up to rain on Sunday. It was a beautiful downpour. Tom and Rae and their nephew came and spent a chunk of the morning in our mobile. We chatted at the table while the kids did laps, pretended to be animals, fought over pillows, and kept busy in general. The moment the rain stopped, though, the requests for rides began. Their poor driver lovingly agreed and took a handful of the kids out to play. What a great kid! The rest of us joined in shortly thereafter, and the morning was, once again, spent with rides and lots of outside time! Some projects got started and others were planned and discussed. Wavy discovered a LOVE for the quad rides, and would chase the quad down, calling “Quad! Quad! My turn!”
Could not get enough.
We snacked our way through lunch, and then Rae offered to keep an eye on everyone so Brady and I could go start packing our stuff up.
It was a quick turnaround, as we didn’t have to bring a ton of stuff. We were SO well set up in the mobile already, there was very little for us to do.
It was sad to leave. A couple of the kids cried. They had SO much fun. So did I. We could just let loose there. I could breathe. I wish I could think of a word that was bigger than “refreshing” but thats all my vocabulary can handle right now. Release, maybe? I’m not sure.
It was a quiet ride home.
I know we have our own lake spot now, and I am SO grateful for it! But I really hope we can join Tom and Rae and their friends again someday. There was freedom and healing there that I was not expecting, but desperately needed. We are their people, and they are ours. Its an honour.
Thank you, Lord. Your timing is always perfect. Help me to remember that.